What should you do if you land your dream job in another city, but your partner doesn't want to move there with you?

Updated on : December 3, 2021 by Bethany Webb



What should you do if you land your dream job in another city, but your partner doesn't want to move there with you?

I had this very thing happen!

It was a great step forward, a great opportunity, and my husband knew and supported my interview activity, but privately he thought what were the possibilities? At the time, he had an entry-level job that had taken over a year to acquire. It really hurt us in every way possible, because someone was going to lose, there was no "win-win" scenario.

You really have to decide which is the worst option: quit the job or quit the relationship. We had a son and I couldn't end my marriage for a job. It was horrible, and it put me on my heels, but in the long run

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I had this very thing happen!

It was a great step forward, a great opportunity, and my husband knew and supported my interview activity, but privately he thought what were the possibilities? At the time, he had an entry-level job that had taken over a year to acquire. It really hurt us in every way possible, because someone was going to lose, there was no "win-win" scenario.

You really have to decide which is the worst option: quit the job or quit the relationship. We had a son and I couldn't end my marriage for a job. It was horrible and it set me back, but in the long run it was the choice I had to make, the one that was in the best interest of our son and ultimately our family.

It was, in a word, dreadful. I will always remember the confusion of my “almost” boss, who said, “Let me clear this up. Are you quitting a director-level job so your husband can continue to be an entry-level claims adjuster? Can't get that job here? What the "almost" boss didn't know was that the interview was torture for my extremely introverted husband. It has left him dry to get the position he had - we had lived separately during the job search activity, in two different cities - and there are always two points of view to consider in a relationship.

My husband had his heels in and was immovable. I don't want to sugarcoat how betrayed I felt; he knew about the interview, supported it, walked me into town to look around and see a preview of the homes, and then took a 180 degree turn; acceptance took a long time.

Is not easy. Make the decision you can live with; Either way, you will regret it. I wish it wasn't so, but it's true. Go straight to the dream or re-imagine it.

It's time to say goodbye. This is a true indicator of where your relationship is headed. If you were serious and married, what would your husband or wife do then? There is always one person in a relationship who will take a back seat to the other's career. Usually the deciding factor is money and profits. If he or she doesn't want to move, doesn't like the idea of ​​an exciting new adventure with someone you love, then a decision needs to be made. If the relationship was meant to be, it will happen. If not, stay friends and see where this exciting new adventure takes you.

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It's time to say goodbye. This is a true indicator of where your relationship is headed. If you were serious and married, what would your husband or wife do then? There is always one person in a relationship who will take a back seat to the other's career. Usually the deciding factor is money and profits. If he or she doesn't want to move, doesn't like the idea of ​​an exciting new adventure with someone you love, then a decision needs to be made. If the relationship was meant to be, it will happen. If not, stay friends and find out where this exciting new work adventure takes you. Best wishes!

PS: Do not be carried away by the crying, threats or tantrums of adults to stay. If you want him, go after him.

I have no experience in this, but it is completely up to you.

Are you married or dating? Do you love this couple more than life itself, or more than the opportunity to land your dream job?

Then think about what you would regret the most. Leave them or not take advantage of that opportunity.

Remember one thing. Marriage doesn't dissolve easily and it can ruin you if you try. A relationship that is not so concrete, like bf and gf, which can be separated a little more easily, but still has its pitfalls.

Once again, in the end, it is your life and your decision. What is more important? Your dream job, whi

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I have no experience in this, but it is completely up to you.

Are you married or dating? Do you love this couple more than life itself, or more than the opportunity to land your dream job?

Then think about what you would regret the most. Leave them or not take advantage of that opportunity.

Remember one thing. Marriage doesn't dissolve easily and it can ruin you if you try. A relationship that is not so concrete, like bf and gf, which can be separated a little more easily, but still has its pitfalls.

Once again, in the end, it is your life and your decision. What is more important? Your dream job, which is just a way to pay bills but not life itself, or your partner, who is part of your life, but not necessarily the center of it?

If your partner were the center of your life, you wouldn't even be asking us for an opinion.

This is the ultimate test of your relationship. I went through this and it proved the end of my relationship. You cannot force anyone to build a future with you. If you want to build that future and your partner does not want to cooperate, you will have to leave them behind. That 's what I did. It was the best decision I made in terms of personal growth and income. I was saddened by the loss for a while, but my new elevated professional status steered me towards success and I found someone else who wanted to share a better future with me. Never settle for less than you want

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This is the ultimate test of your relationship. I went through this and it proved the end of my relationship. You cannot force anyone to build a future with you. If you want to build that future and your partner does not want to cooperate, you will have to leave them behind. That 's what I did. It was the best decision I made in terms of personal growth and income. I was saddened by the loss for a while, but my new elevated professional status steered me towards success and I found someone else who wanted to share a better future with me. Never settle for less than you want for someone else's sake. If there is no compromise available, please yourself or you will always wish you had.

Life is full of difficult decisions.

You could ask your partner to break up to see if the job is more important than this relationship.

You could determine if the work is worth it by knowing that you are going alone before you leave your partner.

You could ask for a complete gift where your partner comes in for two or four years and then give up the dream and go / do whatever their dream is, as a willing participant.

You brainstorm all the advantages and disadvantages this decision will take you to and give up on something important. It may be that you cannot have as much your dream as your partner.

That is one of those great life decisions that you must make together. If you find that you want the job opportunity more than you want to stay with your partner, it is your choice to take the job. That is truly a decision that the two of you must make together if you love each other.

Excellent question.

I chose my path out of college. Paths should say: I did what I normally do. I wanted my cake and I also wanted to eat that fool. I'm Troy Jensen, I can have it all!

We got divorced ten years ago, it's a black and white decision. It affected me deeply: leaving our condo in Century City (West LA) was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I get sick even thinking about it.

And the result? I am more successful than most versions of the wildest dream. I am committed, but I see that the attempt n. 2 slowly fades away. And tonight I'm alone in New York City. Tomorrow I'll get in
my new Mercedes

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Excellent question.

I chose my path out of college. Paths should say: I did what I normally do. I wanted my cake and I also wanted to eat that fool. I'm Troy Jensen, I can have it all!

We got divorced ten years ago, it's a black and white decision. It affected me deeply: leaving our condo in Century City (West LA) was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I get sick even thinking about it.

And the result? I am more successful than most versions of the wildest dream. I am committed, but I see that the attempt n. 2 slowly fades away. And tonight I'm alone in New York City. Tomorrow
I'll get into my new Mercedes S63 AMG and drive to Teterboro Airport, where my company's Gulfstream G550 awaits me. And I'll take my billionth trip of the last decade. All on my own.

I do not regret my decision. Unless it's 4:30 am and my lifelong insomnia takes over, and I wish she were here. No matter how tired she talked to me all night on my really bad nights; many times he made me sleep for a while. She just remarried, we are still good friends, the best we can. Your first child will be born, in one of life's cruel ironies ... on my birthday, March 21, quite funny.

I got what I wanted, everything I ever wanted.

But I walk this world alone.

Would I change my decision? There is no use even contemplating that question ... the past is yesterday. Missing. Tonight I could say yes; Tomorrow the huge personality that is Troy will light up another room and I won't think about that again for a while. I did it.

But sometimes I wish I could share all these moments with her. It is a difficult, difficult decision. I was destined for a higher path, I have always said that.

But the nights are incredibly long when you are alone with the moon, wondering if you chose the right path. Again, these are the rare moments, I usually keep moving forward and love my life.

But I walk these streets alone

Food for thought ...

I've never asked a question here before, so please forgive me if I'm doing it wrong.

Where to start… My boyfriend and I have been planning to move in for a while. We have bought furniture together and have even looked at some places. We decided on a place and I even got a job there! The day before work started, he called to tell me that he didn't want to think about moving right now and not picking up the sofa he wanted for our future place (he had helped me clean my car to load the sofa like literally an hour before) . It felt like the rug had been pulled right under me! I had b

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I've never asked a question here before, so please forgive me if I'm doing it wrong.

Where to start… My boyfriend and I have been planning to move in for a while. We have bought furniture together and have even looked at some places. We decided on a place and I even got a job there! The day before work started, he called to tell me that he didn't want to think about moving right now and not picking up the sofa he wanted for our future place (he had helped me clean my car to load the sofa like literally an hour before) . I felt like the rug had been removed! I had spent months preparing and even got a job in our chosen city.

The next two weeks she needed a lot of space to focus on her job search. I felt like I was put on a shelf until he was ready to pick me up and be my boyfriend again. In that time I didn't get much of him. I gave him the space but, to be honest, he was not emotionally well. They accepted him into an internship in the city. He is a college graduate who had been desperately looking for a job for the past year. I gave him the advice to do an internship, although at the time he didn't want anything with that advice! You've been running aimlessly anywhere and everywhere in the US for the past year. I had told him that if he was going to do that he should tell me when and where he does it since we are a couple. At one point we got into a fight where he threatened to break up with me ... via text message. I was trying to express how it made me feel when he '

He finally agreed that an internship was the best route and admitted that he had been in a mentality of 'I must find a job with my degree NOW'. He finds a job locally and is accepted into an internship and leaves his 'I need space'. He tells me that he wants to be with me forever and that he still wants to move in with me ... Fast forward a week. He tells me he has an interview. We are excited! I've been in town for a few days. The third day he tells me that he is in a city that is 2 days away by car! I'm devastated! When he applied, he told me that he was applying locally and had accepted their internship route, which he worked very hard to get accepted. He never told me that he applied there or considered me in that decision. He knows I hate that state and it was one of the states that I told him I would never live in. I am so hurt! He even told me that he knows I hate that state, but if he moved there, he knew I would follow him there! That's not fair!

The facts:

  1. We have never lived outside of our parents' home and a move out of state would not only be expensive, but extremely risky!
  2. He has not worked in this profession before or done an internship. What if it doesn't work and you're stranded in another state?
  3. I tried to voice my concerns, but he got so mad at me that he hung up on me and hasn't spoken to me from outside of some text messages. I didn't hear from him for days.
  4. I fully support your dreams and want you to be successful in your job; however, I want you to be realistic about the risks. An internship would benefit you greatly and then you could have more flexible relocation options. Maybe one that we could talk about together as a couple. Not to mention, an internship would be the least risky route and you could also save while doing it.
  5. I'm also not sure that the company knows that you have not completed an internship. I saw one of his resumes that he was using and it listed the future internship.

I am very distressed by all this! At one point we had plans together, at another he had plans for himself ... Either way, he'll get a job in his career. It's just a matter of patience. One would further benefit the relationship and your job security (an internship gives you experience before diving into the profession). You had your interview this morning and you still haven't told me anything. I do not know what to do! It's driving me crazy. I can't just talk to him about it. He will probably be angry again. If you get the job, it starts in 3 weeks ... Right after my birthday ...

Bottom line: You didn't consider me at the time you applied or even now. It's unrealistic for me to think I'd move there, especially after it clearly left me out of the decision altogether. It would be a totally different story if he had told me about the possibility and discussed it together before applying. So maybe it could have been better

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner suddenly breaks the news one day that they are going to another city / state, when they never mentioned that they were looking for job opportunities that included relocation, in my personal opinion, it means that in some A moment before, they decided to leave you and build a future based on their new single status, and now they are easily disappointing you. To avoid feeling rejected and maybe make a scene, they give you the excuse of the new and distant job.

It's not that they leave because they were offered a job in a distant place. Is the other

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If you are in a committed relationship and your partner suddenly breaks the news one day that they are going to another city / state, when they never mentioned that they were looking for job opportunities that included relocation, in my personal opinion, it means that in some A moment before, they decided to leave you and build a future based on their new single status, and now they are easily disappointing you. To avoid feeling rejected and maybe make a scene, they give you the excuse of the new and distant job.

It's not that they leave because they were offered a job in a distant place. It's the other way around: they were available for job offers in distant places because they had already decided to leave you.

If it is a committed relationship, then this is betrayal. A stab in the back. Just like if they suddenly told you that they had set a date to marry someone else or that they were about to have someone else's baby.

Also, unless you two were just friends, what did you talk about when you were together? How come you never mentioned applying for a job in another state, traveling to that state for an interview, anxiously awaiting a response after the interview… nothing? It's just too weird that none of these major life events came up in a conversation with you, so it's likely that she never mentioned these things to you because she was hiding them from you on purpose. The purpose could be to leave you alone if she has something better for her.

The "I have accepted a job offer in another state" is the same as the "It's not you, it's me" or the "I need space" lines of the past that today are seen by the selfish and controlling manipulation that they are, but that in the past people naively believed.

Personally, I can't see any scenario other than this is a despicable person. Let me know if I'm wrong.

It is extremely difficult and takes a lot of dedication!

My husband and I lived apart for 5 years.

We met in college and dated for 6 years before getting married. A year later, I moved to the United States in a long-term delegation. I was on two minds about it, but I wanted to move to the USA, expand my career scope, experience new things, live the experience of living alone in a new country. So I decided to go and he fully supported me.

In October 2012 we got married and in November 2013 I was in the United States.

The first two months were the hardest and I regretted my decision almost every day, but in the end things got better.

Mother

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It is extremely difficult and takes a lot of dedication!

My husband and I lived apart for 5 years.

We met in college and dated for 6 years before getting married. A year later, I moved to the United States in a long-term delegation. I was on two minds about it, but I wanted to move to the USA, expand my career scope, experience new things, live the experience of living alone in a new country. So I decided to go and he fully supported me.

In October 2012 we got married and in November 2013 I was in the United States.

The first two months were the hardest and I regretted my decision almost every day, but in the end things got better.

March 2014 - Visited me in the US for 2 weeks. I learned to drive here and got a license before your visit to be able to drive it. This was the first time I would see him in over 4 months! We were both very excited and it was a fun 2 weeks. I spent more than $ 7000 in these two weeks but I did not care.

October 2014 - I went to India after almost a year, celebrated Diwali with him and it was time to say goodbye again 3 weeks later.

At that time he was a traveling consultant and in the meantime he was working in different countries in Europe for most of 2015, I was never able to visit him. He visited America twice in 2015 and we went on a trip.

Moved to California for 6 months in 2016, I live on the east coast, which is a 5 hour flight. Although tickets were over $ 500, we met once or twice a month. Some months I spent more money on airline tickets than on rent. After his 6 month assignment he had to return to India and I did not see him for the rest of the year.

He asked his employer to assign him a long-term assignment in any country and I would move there. They sent him to Germany in early 2017 and I decided to join him. However, I had not yet settled in Germany in terms of work, so I decided to keep moving there. He lived there another 6 months only to be told to go back to India.

However, 2017 was great: we lived together for 3 months in the US when he was telecommuting! We celebrate New Years Eve 2018 together in Miami. It was then that I realized that I really wanted to live with him and we both ended up with this long distance arrangement.

We decided that I will move to India permanently and he will decline assignments at the place in the future. However, my salary in India was meager ($ 500 per month) and I was earning much more in America than we would both earn in India. We decided that he would quit his job and move to the USA! We were both excited to finally move in together and decided to put his career on hold for a while. Now we have both been here in America for 8 months and our married life has really just begun.

I feel bad that his career has taken a back seat and I am ready to move to India anytime I say. We also got a house in India that will be ready by the end of this year and we plan to move permanently next year.

PROS:

The excitement of the meeting! I would start preparing for our meetings weeks before: shopping for him, making arrangements for the stay, planning our trips and surprises for him, making sure I look my best. Every time he would go to the airport waiting for him at International Arrivals with butterflies in his stomach, he would scan every person in the crowd looking for him.

I also had new experiences: living with roommates, meeting new people, buying a new car, and driving from Washington DC to New York alone and traveling alone, something I did not do in India.

I too have matured as a person, I was a spoiled brat in India and never helped my parents with housework. Now I am independent in the true sense, I can cook for myself and maybe feed 2 or 3 guests too, I go shopping and I know exactly what to buy, I file my own taxes, I do my own laundry and I clean my own bathroom.

CONS:

Separation, this one sucks! I hate saying goodbye, and I hope I said goodbye to you now. Crying, taking him to the airport, him going through the security gates and the long journey back would break me. I would be depressed for a few days until I get back to the routine while he is on the other side of the planet. We spent 5 good years of our newlywed lives apart.

There were many people who did not have a good opinion of our arrangement, especially their parents. People asked, "Why did you get married if you didn't want to live together?", "What if your spouse has an affair while he's away?", "What happens if you walk away?", "What happens if you move away? do you usually live alone? " - all fair questions. However, I trusted him and our relationship.

It was very difficult at times, once we fought and had no contact for almost a month, which would not have happened if we lived together. His uncle tried to brainwash him against me once and, although he laughed, it created a doubt in his mind. People made fun of me, 'why did you run away from your husband, is he so bad?' However, we did not care, as we were going strong and we did it for our future.

In the end, it is up to the couple, they would have their own reasons and others should try to provide support if the couple lives apart for the right reasons.

PS: Go anonymous due to the few criticisms about his parents, although he is not on quora.

She has explained that the industry in which she works is "non-existent" in the city where she used to live with her boyfriend. So it amazes me that some of the answers here still seem to think that you should quit your job to go back to that city. You would have no job or job prospects. The implication is that you should give up your career entirely and simply place yourself where your boyfriend feels most comfortable.

However, during the 7 years that she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, she lived with him, in “her” city, for 5.5 years. So for a long time you have b

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She has explained that the industry in which she works is "non-existent" in the city where she used to live with her boyfriend. So it amazes me that some of the answers here still seem to think that you should quit your job to go back to that city. You would have no job or job prospects. The implication is that you should give up your career entirely and simply place yourself where your boyfriend feels most comfortable.

However, during the 7 years that she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, she lived with him, in “her” city, for 5.5 years. That is why for a long time you have been loyal, supportive and very present in their daily life. I don't think it's too much to ask that he seriously consider moving out to be with you for a while. Or does the industry you work in also not exist in your city? That would be a strange parallel.

You say the two cities are an hour's flight apart. How often do you see them? Do you take turns, fairly evenly, traveling to each other, or does one of you do this more than the other? How often do you contact each other (phone calls, text messages, skype ...) during the week? Who starts? These are additional things you need to consider in deciding how much you really care about each other and how much you really want to be together.

It's disappointing that you say "you don't want to move out anytime soon." This doesn't seem like he's seriously considering the idea. It sounds derogatory.

If all, or most, of the effort seems to come from one side, then I think you really need to consider if there is a future for your relationship.

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