What should I do when my girlfriend asks me to leave my job or to leave her?

Updated on : December 3, 2021 by Kyrie Buck



What should I do when my girlfriend asks me to leave my job or to leave her?

Thanks for the A2A.

I don't react well to ultimatums. This woman asks you to make a professional decision that will be permanent, about a relationship that will probably be temporary.

Are you willing to allow this woman to control you professionally and open a door that will allow her to continue to control your actions threatening your relationship?

Frankly, this doesn't seem like you're making a decision that would improve your relationship or improve you as a person. You sound COMPLETELY motivated.

What you decide IS up to you, but personally I would not allow my relatives

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Thanks for the A2A.

I don't react well to ultimatums. This woman asks you to make a professional decision that will be permanent, about a relationship that will probably be temporary.

Are you willing to allow this woman to control you professionally and open a door that will allow her to continue to control your actions threatening your relationship?

Frankly, this doesn't seem like you're making a decision that would improve your relationship or improve you as a person. You sound COMPLETELY motivated.

What you decide IS you, but personally I would not allow my relationship to make my professional decisions. My husband would never ask me to make these kinds of decisions and it is not something I would do to him either. If I was someone I was ONLY dating, I would let her go and find someone who would appreciate me for my career choices and my personality.

There are better women than this and healthier relationships too.

I would sit with her and try to compromise. You haven't specified what your job is, but assuming you're not doing anything illegal or immoral, what's the problem?

If you need to work every weekend and she only has the weekends off, it can help to do some bargaining.

But if you have a career in your chosen field of study, then it would be much easier to find another girlfriend than to completely restart your career.

And get an ultimatum from her? It is not a poignant way to persuade someone to do something that you would like them to do for you.

It depends on the job. If I work at McDonalds, I quit my job. If it is a professional level job as a policeman, firefighter, army, doctor, lawyer, whatever, then drop it like a hot stone. part of her job as a wife is to support you in your attempt to do something for yourself. They are not supposed to want you to be a failure, they are supposed to want you to be a winner. In the same way, if she is trying to do something for herself, you should support her if she wants to go back to school and get a degree, for example.

I don't know the whole story behind your question so it depends on the reasons. If there is someone at your job who is causing problems in your relationship, then I think that is a valid statement on the part of your girlfriend.

Leave her. A girlfriend who feels empowered enough to think that she can get you to quit your job has pushed the limit.

Excellent question.

I chose my path out of college. Paths should say: I did what I normally do. I wanted my cake and I also wanted to eat that fool. I'm Troy Jensen, I can have it all!

We got divorced ten years ago, it's a black and white decision. It affected me deeply: leaving our condo in Century City (West LA) was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I get sick even thinking about it.

And the result? I am more successful than most versions of the wildest dream. I am committed, but I see that the attempt n. 2 slowly fades away. And tonight I'm alone in New York City. Tomorrow I'll get in
my new Mercedes

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Excellent question.

I chose my path out of college. Paths should say: I did what I normally do. I wanted my cake and I also wanted to eat that fool. I'm Troy Jensen, I can have it all!

We got divorced ten years ago, it's a black and white decision. It affected me deeply: leaving our condo in Century City (West LA) was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I get sick even thinking about it.

And the result? I am more successful than most versions of the wildest dream. I am committed, but I see that the attempt n. 2 slowly fades away. And tonight I'm alone in New York City. Tomorrow
I'll get into my new Mercedes S63 AMG and drive to Teterboro Airport, where my company's Gulfstream G550 awaits me. And I'll take my billionth trip of the last decade. All on my own.

I do not regret my decision. Unless it's 4:30 am and my lifelong insomnia takes over, and I wish she were here. No matter how tired she talked to me all night on my really bad nights; many times he made me sleep for a while. She just remarried, we are still good friends, the best we can. Your first child will be born, in one of life's cruel ironies ... on my birthday, March 21, quite funny.

I got what I wanted, everything I ever wanted.

But I walk this world alone.

Would I change my decision? There is no use even contemplating that question ... the past is yesterday. Missing. Tonight I could say yes; Tomorrow the huge personality that is Troy will light up another room and I won't think about that again for a while. I did it.

But sometimes I wish I could share all these moments with her. It is a difficult, difficult decision. I was destined for a higher path, I have always said that.

But the nights are incredibly long when you are alone with the moon, wondering if you chose the right path. Again, these are the rare moments, I usually keep moving forward and love my life.

But I walk these streets alone

Food for thought ...

I've never asked a question here before, so please forgive me if I'm doing it wrong.

Where to start… My boyfriend and I have been planning to move in for a while. We have bought furniture together and have even looked at some places. We decided on a place and I even got a job there! The day before work started, he called to tell me that he didn't want to think about moving right now and not picking up the sofa he wanted for our future place (he had helped me clean my car to load the sofa like literally an hour before) . It felt like the rug had been pulled right under me! I had b

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I've never asked a question here before, so please forgive me if I'm doing it wrong.

Where to start… My boyfriend and I have been planning to move in for a while. We have bought furniture together and have even looked at some places. We decided on a place and I even got a job there! The day before work started, he called to tell me that he didn't want to think about moving right now and not picking up the sofa he wanted for our future place (he had helped me clean my car to load the sofa like literally an hour before) . I felt like the rug had been removed! I had spent months preparing and even got a job in our chosen city.

The next two weeks she needed a lot of space to focus on her job search. I felt like I was put on a shelf until he was ready to pick me up and be my boyfriend again. In that time I didn't get much of him. I gave him the space but, to be honest, he was not emotionally well. They accepted him into an internship in the city. He is a college graduate who had been desperately looking for a job for the past year. I gave him the advice to do an internship, although at the time he didn't want anything with that advice! You've been running aimlessly anywhere and everywhere in the US for the past year. I had told him that if he was going to do that he should tell me when and where he does it since we are a couple. At one point we got into a fight where he threatened to break up with me ... via text message. I was trying to express how it made me feel when he '

He finally agreed that an internship was the best route and admitted that he had been in a mentality of 'I must find a job with my degree NOW'. He finds a job locally and is accepted into an internship and leaves his 'I need space'. He tells me that he wants to be with me forever and that he still wants to move in with me ... Fast forward a week. He tells me he has an interview. We are excited! I've been in town for a few days. The third day he tells me that he is in a city that is 2 days away by car! I'm devastated! When he applied, he told me that he was applying locally and had accepted their internship route, which he worked very hard to get accepted. He never told me that he applied there or considered me in that decision. He knows I hate that state and it was one of the states that I told him I would never live in. I am so hurt! He even told me that he knows I hate that state, but if he moved there, he knew I would follow him there! That's not fair!

The facts:

  1. We have never lived outside of our parents' home and a move out of state would not only be expensive, but extremely risky!
  2. He has not worked in this profession before or done an internship. What if it doesn't work and you're stranded in another state?
  3. I tried to voice my concerns, but he got so mad at me that he hung up on me and hasn't spoken to me from outside of some text messages. I didn't hear from him for days.
  4. I fully support your dreams and want you to be successful in your job; however, I want you to be realistic about the risks. An internship would benefit you greatly and then you could have more flexible relocation options. Maybe one that we could talk about together as a couple. Not to mention, an internship would be the least risky route and you could also save while doing it.
  5. I'm also not sure that the company knows that you have not completed an internship. I saw one of his resumes that he was using and it listed the future internship.

I am very distressed by all this! At one point we had plans together, at another he had plans for himself ... Either way, he'll get a job in his career. It's just a matter of patience. One would further benefit the relationship and your job security (an internship gives you experience before diving into the profession). You had your interview this morning and you still haven't told me anything. I do not know what to do! It's driving me crazy. I can't just talk to him about it. He will probably be angry again. If you get the job, it starts in 3 weeks ... Right after my birthday ...

Bottom line: You didn't consider me at the time you applied or even now. It's unrealistic for me to think I'd move there, especially after it clearly left me out of the decision altogether. It would be a totally different story if he had told me about the possibility and discussed it together before applying. So maybe it could have been better

I have to say that once in my 30s, I moved out because the guy I was dating was transferred to a place where he didn't want to live.
What a big mistake !!!
Of course we didn't last, of course it was miserable.
We cannot live someone else's life. Plain and simple.
The resentment that I changed everything in my life that I was happy with because he was moving out was a complete failure.
It is not fair that you expect her to live the decisions of her life. This is 2015 and it's been a long time since the old mindset that women should follow men was applied.
Your job pays YOU, not her. Treat

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I have to say that once in my 30s, I moved out because the guy I was dating was transferred to a place where he didn't want to live.
What a big mistake !!!
Of course we didn't last, of course it was miserable.
We cannot live someone else's life. Plain and simple.
The resentment that I changed everything in my life that I was happy with because he was moving out was a complete failure.
It is not fair that you expect her to live the decisions of her life. This is 2015 and it's been a long time since the old mindset that women should follow men was applied.
Your job pays YOU, not her. Try to see it that way. Your new job is about you, not her. The transition alone is stressful until you settle in.

At best, I suggest you do the initial move alone. Settle in, get some time at work under your belt. Then, with your new found wealth, take it along to see how close you have it. Send her flowers or something important at least once a week and keep communication open. Show her that her decision really paid off and maybe then she will see the same thing.

Packing up and moving for a new job is a huge leap of faith. What if it doesn't last at the new job? So what? She would really be screwed and mad for changing her life only to end in failure.

Ask yourself: Would you move if the situation was reversed?

There is a lot to consider and in my opinion you need to go, settle down, get some stability in the new job, and then approach the situation with a new point of view.

I was once with a woman who didn't want to work and instead wanted to stay home and be a homemaker.

I made quite a bit of money, so initially it was not a problem for us. But before long, problems finally started to appear.

In short, he had too much time to think. It leads to a host of problems including depression, anxiety, extreme jealousy, insecurity, and more, causing us to struggle regularly.

We divorced.

Later this same woman started a business, made some dramatic changes in her life, and although we are no longer in contact, it seems she is doing well now.

My point i

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I was once with a woman who didn't want to work and instead wanted to stay home and be a homemaker.

I made quite a bit of money, so initially it was not a problem for us. But before long, problems finally started to appear.

In short, he had too much time to think. It leads to a host of problems including depression, anxiety, extreme jealousy, insecurity, and more, causing us to struggle regularly.

We divorced.

Later this same woman started a business, made some dramatic changes in her life, and although we are no longer in contact, it seems she is doing well now.

My point in telling you this is that people need a higher purpose in life; something to keep their minds occupied so they don't think too much about their own lives constantly.

Sometimes the worst thing you can have in life is too much time to think about it.

So from your perspective, this arrangement clearly doesn't work for you. It didn't work for me either. You want more of an equal partner agreement, and not someone who sees you as a meal ticket.

So find what both of you are looking for.

Somewhere, there is a boy who will want to be the breadwinner and will want her to stay home, raise babies, and keep the house clean. And she will be happy to do so.

And in another place, there will be a woman looking for an egalitarian society, a job outside the home, and you will love and respect her for it.

My advice? Stop wasting your time and free each other so you can find these people.

Tell him that you are proud of his work.
Really feel it, be proud of it!
Show off your achievements in public and in front of your family, your friends, your family.

She needs to know and feel that you are proud of her!
That working isn't just about money, it's about how interesting it is.
She is more dynamic and fun as a couple.

She needs to feel like she has something that she would hate to leave.
She needs to feel like going to workplaces with you has her biggest fan!

Cheer her up!

Ask her about her goals and encourage her to pursue them.

Women quit their jobs when they feel hopeless or

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Tell him that you are proud of his work.
Really feel it, be proud of it!
Show off your achievements in public and in front of your family, your friends, your family.

She needs to know and feel that you are proud of her!
That working isn't just about money, it's about how interesting it is.
She is more dynamic and fun as a couple.

She needs to feel like she has something that she would hate to leave.
She needs to feel like going to workplaces with you has her biggest fan!

Cheer her up!

Ask her about her goals and encourage her to pursue them.

Women quit their jobs when they have no hope of advancing.
Some are bred to work as a way to float on water until they are married.
Some train thinking that they will lose their career when they have children.

It's a bit true.
Racing can take a dip with kids to raise.

Invite her to socialize with her coworkers, be interested in going.
Tell them that you enjoy meeting them.

For a date, make plans to travel somewhere where you both save.

Finally, after you've been energetic about how attractive you are because you're independent, share your plans, your life blueprint.

There are kids?
If so, when?
Who breeds them?
Who will have the flexible job?
How cultured do you want a partner?
Are you looking for a partner now, or just a partner?

Better for you!

1. Lies: The stories continue to fall short of the truth. White lie, big lie, etc., they just never stop.
2. Manipulation: Your partner makes you question your sanity. They say one thing and do another. And if you call them for behavior, they return the issue to you.
3. Emotional abuse: You make it very clear that a certain behavior / action hurts you, but they continue to do it anyway.
4. Friends / Family: Those closest to you warn you over and over that you are not a good person.
5. Reality: This p ...

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