What should I do if my daughter does not move out of my house? He is only 20 years old and does nothing at home. How should I handle this?

Updated on : January 17, 2022 by Kayla Howard



What should I do if my daughter does not move out of my house? He is only 20 years old and does nothing at home. How should I handle this?

Won't you move? Might need some clarification here. So she's 20 years old, doesn't she "do anything" I guess that means she's not doing housework or taking care of her own personal care needs like doing laundry and cooking, cleaning up her mess herself? Financially maybe?

So are you trying to evict her? Have you threatened before that if she doesn't push herself, she can happily leave? If so, it might feel like an empty threat like before.

I am not throwing my own son into the only home he has ever had. It doesn't suit me. Many teens and young adults may have eyes a little

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Won't you move? Might need some clarification here. So she's 20 years old, doesn't she "do anything" I guess that means she's not doing housework or taking care of her own personal care needs like doing laundry and cooking, cleaning up her mess herself? Financially maybe?

So are you trying to evict her? Have you threatened before that if she doesn't push herself, she can happily leave? If so, it might feel like an empty threat like before.

I am not throwing my own son into the only home he has ever had. It doesn't suit me. Many teens and young adults can be a bit blind, selfish about time or weather and doing things around the home, but as parents it is a job to make sure they know how to take care of themselves and tend a home for when they fly. the nest. Kicking her out before she learns to be independent will lead to failure. Perhaps homelessness.

Have you taught her to be an adult? From an earlier age than I am now referring to. Start complaining about her now, in her 20s, if she hasn't been in shape with setting limits and rules at home before, it's a little too late. Shitting the barn door after the horse has been shot. She is fixed in her ways. Why the hell would I start now?

So how to alter the status quo. Stop threatening her for one. Probably, if he's not taking you seriously, you've made empty threats before. So stop.

Feel it, from adult to adult. If necessary, bring your budget book or spreadsheet if part of this is a financial concern. Involve her in your worries, frustrations. Use your words, start your sentences with "I am sorry" and not with "you want / not". Keep calm. Explain how you feel. That as an adult you ate in the hope that she could help relieve the pressure, do your bit. That you can't do it alone. Explain why. Only you know the whys.

Financially, show him the income and expenses and the deficit. Explain that without additional income from her to help with the mortgage / rent, food, house bills, groceries, etc., it has been unsustainable and cannot continue in this way. She meditates to contribute an amount x to her table. It is up to you if that includes food or if she buys her own.

If she's stubborn with an upright attitude that she can sit like a slug on the couch and do nothing while you work and try to clean the house, provide food, and pay the bills, and she thinks you still have to support her, pay everything. . for her, and has tried the above, then she has few options left.

Hardball. If you have contributed to creating a person with rights, then it is time to remove that throne and tiara. Anything that is not essential, a necessity, that does not affect you. Financially, or in your safety, legally or from a health point of view, please stop providing. So that could be an allowance, it could be paying for fancy things like haircuts and manicures, clothes and shoes. Or maybe a subscription. Whatever she is paying for, for her, that has nothing to do with insurance or something that higeku impacts, like her education that she agreed to, stop.

If she asks why you don't get a permission / your subscription to Netflix or Spotify etc. has been canceled or, you refuse to buy your clothes, just say you need to find a way to find those things yourself. Get a job.

If until now you have been cleaning your room / bathroom and cooking, doing laundry, etc. Stop. If she asks if her clothes are clean, say in the dirty basket.

Only 20? That age is considered adult. You have the power to get her out of your home. After turning 18, parents are not legally obligated to support their adult children. If he doesn't do anything around the house, you can tell him that he needs to start contributing or that he can leave. Those are your choices. It is not up for debate. It is your house. You can do what you see fit. But don't let him continue living there and take advantage.

He handles it this way: "Either you contribute to the house if you want to continue living here, or you can pack your things and leave."

give a

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Only 20? That age is considered adult. You have the power to get her out of your home. After turning 18, parents are not legally obligated to support their adult children. If he doesn't do anything around the house, you can tell him that he needs to start contributing or that he can leave. Those are your choices. It is not up for debate. It is your house. You can do what you see fit. But don't let him continue living there and take advantage.

He handles it this way: "Either you contribute to the house if you want to continue living here, or you can pack your things and leave."

Give it a time frame, say 30 to 60 days to improve. If he doesn't, ask him to move out. If he has nowhere to go, it's not your problem. She is an adult. It is up to her to make the decision.

These kinds of questions always surprise me. It seems like common sense. But again, I grew up in a home where we were made to contribute. In no way would my parents accept this kind of behavior. I also didn't live with my parents when I was an adult. I made no excuses. I got any job that I could and I struggled. I have lived away from them since I was 19 years old. I'm 41 now, so it wasn't that long ago.

Some of these other answers are amazing. Your adult child should not be allowed to live in your home and do nothing. Period. Unless someone is physically unable to contribute, they should be. Not everything is mental illness or disorder. Nor should we have to pamper and talk to our adult children as if they were babies. We need to stop seeing things as such and stop making excuses for ourselves and our children. Many people are simply lazy or just don't care. That doesn't mean something is mentally wrong with them. In fact, I'm willing to bet that 8 times out of 10, this is the case. It means that they have not yet learned to be responsible for their lives. One of the best ways to teach them how to be responsible is to teach them hard lessons.

And parents have no obligation to support their adult children. Nothing is owed to them. I would never allow my adult son to live with me unless it was a time of crisis or something happened and they needed a place to live until they recovered. But by no means would it be a permanent deal. Once they are adults, they are expected to be self-sufficient.

I do not understand parents who let their adult children live at home. They looked after their children long enough. It is time for your children to learn to be adults. Yes, it is OK for parents to kick their adult children out of the house if they don't meet expectations. Parents no longer owe them a house, food, clothing, or other necessities. Of course, parents love their children and want them to not have to struggle or go through without them. The truth is that fighting is really good for them.

Someone who is really ill or has a serious enough mental illness is one thing. Depression is not an excuse for not having to do anything. In fact, using it as a valid excuse is enabling. You can give up and "woe is me!" Or you can get up and do something productive.

I think it's time to have a grown-up conversation with your daughter about her plans. Are you in college or planning to go? If not, do you have a job? Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a 20-year-old living at home, as long as they are doing something constructive with their time and energy, and following the house rules. Before you have the conversation with your daughter, you need to decide what those rules are. If you have a spouse or partner in the home, both of you should agree to the rules before discussing them with your daughter. Some examples of house rules: collect

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I think it's time to have a grown-up conversation with your daughter about her plans. Are you in college or planning to go? If not, do you have a job? Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a 20-year-old living at home, as long as they are doing something constructive with their time and energy, and following the house rules. Before you have the conversation with your daughter, you need to decide what those rules are. If you have a spouse or partner in the home, both of you should agree to the rules before discussing them with your daughter. Some examples of house rules: pick up after yourself, do your part of the housework, let me know when you will be late or not coming home so I don't worry, no illegal drugs in the house, etc. Anything that you strongly feel will or will NOT happen in your home should be detailed. It is appropriate for her to continue her education or have a job. In your 20s, you shouldn't be sitting around the house doing nothing, unless there are extenuating circumstances, like being disabled in some way so you can't keep a job. If you haven't been able to get a job (which is especially possible with the pandemic, depending on where you live), you need to spend a certain amount of time each day looking for work. Whether you have a job or not, as an adult you should be responsible for doing your share of household chores. If you've never asked him to do anything, this will be much more difficult, but he needs to grow at some point. My children always helped around the house. By the time they were teenagers, they were doing their own laundry and helping with housework, garden, or cooking. Getting your kids to help with household chores isn't just to make your life easier. It prepares them to succeed in life. They learn some valuable life skills, but they also learn that everyone contributes in a household.

When I graduated from high school in 1981, I was living at home. I chose not to go to college, in hindsight I wish I had, but I didn't. My mother agreed with me living at home, but I was expected to get a job and continue helping around the house. At the time, landing an entry-level job was difficult, so my first job was part-time. I remember about a year later they were hiring to open a new discount store, temporary jobs just above minimum wage, and more than 500 people lined up to apply. I got one of those jobs. I went from that job to my first full-time job. During the time that I lived at home, I gave my mother 20% of my salary as rent. We discussed it and felt it was fair.

In today's economy, I think it's not unusual for young adults to live longer at home, even after college. You can help them pay off their student loan debt faster and set them up for success. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as they and their parents can agree on some house rules. Remember it is YOUR home and your child cannot dictate the terms. Be polite, but firm. It may be a good idea for your child to help with the expenses in some way, even if he doesn't really need the financial aid. I have heard of parents collecting 20% ​​of the child's income but saving it to give to the child later, perhaps for their wedding or a down payment on a house or car.

I am the mother of two young people, 16 and 20 years old. The 20-year-old just moved to college, but for the most part they both did next to nothing around the house and I was frustrated all the time. Here's the truth: I was a single mom for 9 years and most of the time I avoided conflict with them rather than holding them accountable for doing their part. Once I accepted my responsibility, I sat down with them and said something like this:

“I am very sorry to have let you down by not holding you responsible for doing your part in the house. Doing things for you and not saying anything,

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I am the mother of two young people, 16 and 20 years old. The 20-year-old just moved to college, but for the most part they both did next to nothing around the house and I was frustrated all the time. Here's the truth: I was a single mom for 9 years and most of the time I avoided conflict with them rather than holding them accountable for doing their part. Once I accepted my responsibility, I sat down with them and said something like this:

“I am very sorry to have let you down by not holding you responsible for doing your part in the house. By doing things for yourself and not saying anything, I was denying you the opportunity to learn to take care of your own home one day and to have a feeling of accomplishment that comes from knowing that you are capable of taking care of yourself and others. Please forgive me for selfishly avoiding conflict. Moving forward, I need you to be responsible for handling the tasks that each of you agreed to do in the time frame that we agreed on. If you don't, I will give you an opportunity to ask for help or make other arrangements with me before the deadline. If not done yet, you will lose privileges (16) or start paying rent (20). He is still expected to do his part in the house. There will be no drama or anger just the deal and the consequences. Any questions? Well. I love you both."

I can't say they always get things done on time, but most of the time they do.

I can report that my attitude about it changed. I no longer feel frustrated and angry all the time. Them neither. I think when I am less angry, they are more likely to help out as well. And if one of them is struggling to do something, it feels like a unique gift.

If you really want to move out, perhaps suggest that you start paying your rent and do housework to prepare for your own place. Then set a deadline and stick with it.

Relationships are about negotiating and teaching people how to treat you. I think this also applies to our children.

“What should I do if my daughter doesn't move out of my house? Are you only 20 years old and do nothing around the house? How should I handle this? "

I do not know these facts in your history: what country you live in, how rich you are, what level of education your daughter has, if she has a job, if she is depressed.

Can you afford to host it? That's a great question. If you can't afford to keep your young daughter at home, that creates a lot of despair. I can't really answer if this is the case, because then your question is about living in poverty. It is a different question.

There I go

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“What should I do if my daughter doesn't move out of my house? Are you only 20 years old and do nothing around the house? How should I handle this? "

I do not know these facts in your history: what country you live in, how rich you are, what level of education your daughter has, if she has a job, if she is depressed.

Can you afford to host it? That's a great question. If you can't afford to keep your young daughter at home, that creates a lot of despair. I can't really answer if this is the case, because then your question is about living in poverty. It is a different question.

I will assume you are frustrated that your daughter is not supporting herself and not helping around the house. Many people have experienced this problem with young people, you are not alone.

I wouldn't change the locks and throw a daughter out on the street. You will put her in danger. It is not fair to leave a young person homeless without warning.

Many young people really struggle to find their way in an adult world, especially now that everything is so competitive. When managing your problem, you must analyze it. For whatever reason, their relationship breaks down and she refuses to help out with the housework.

I addressed a similar problem like this:

Step one

Why has the relationship been broken? What can I do to repair it? I wouldn't mind betting that your daughter is unhappy and frustrated and doesn't know where to turn. Part of your strategy is working to repair your relationship and spending time with it. Put aside the problem of not helping around the house. When you do this, you will find out more about his problems and what he is struggling with.

Second step

You should help her address how she will obtain employment in her area. What jobs are available? Will you need training? Will potential jobs pay enough for her to support herself? What steps must be taken for me to work and win?

Step three

What is your mental health? When you spend some time with her, try to understand her point of view. Think about whether you might be suffering from depression, anxiety, and overwhelming. If you can, see a professional counselor or psychologist yourself to discuss the problems. If you can't afford it, learn more about depression in youth online and in discussion boards. When you feel more informed and have rebuilt your relationship with your daughter, perhaps you can ask her if she is feeling depressed or very anxious and discuss it.

Don't try to fix it yourself. As her father, you will not be in a good position to help. Encourage her to access mental health resources in your community (if available) or look for some resources online. With young people and their mental health, you should bring it out and talk about it, but don't try to fix it for them. Encourage the young person to take responsibility for managing their own mental health. If you don't let your daughter take control of her passage into adulthood, you run the risk of making the problem worse.

Now our society is so complicated, young people in their 20s are still very young and need time to mature. You can make the opposite mistake of not being hard enough on them and still living at home like a bum in their forties! In this case, however, I think you have a lot of time to figure things out and help her find her way in life.

Good luck

I will simplify it. It must provide her with the structure and discipline she needs to function as an adult in society.

If you cannot afford the rent, you must write a physical list of the specific tasks you want him to perform on a daily and weekly basis in exchange for staying there for free. Also, clearly list the consequences that will occur if you do not complete them. You have to do this and STICK THEM RIGIDLY. Just saying "you have to do things around the house or go out" is not enough. She is an adult, but you are still her father and you want her to be successful in life, right?

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I will simplify it. It must provide her with the structure and discipline she needs to function as an adult in society.

If you cannot afford the rent, you must write a physical list of the specific tasks you want him to perform on a daily and weekly basis in exchange for staying there for free. Also, clearly list the consequences that will occur if you do not complete them. You have to do this and STICK THEM RIGIDLY. Just saying "you have to do things around the house or go out" is not enough. She is an adult, but you are still her father and you want her to be successful in life, right? she will find another place to go and will do the exact same thing and will probably end up on the streets and in jail.

Make a specific daily list according to what you need to do around the house.

Example: take out the trash every night before 9 pm

Failure to do so: immediate consequence. She has to hand over her phone for 24 hours OR be corporal with it: 20 bumps of the belt on her butt. Yes, I said the belt. I don't know where she stands on corporal punishment and this may seem extreme, but remember that she is an adult and needs real consequences for not complying. Belt bumps won't "teach you a lesson," but the THREAT of having to bow down and take a punishment like that at age 20 should be enough to elicit compliance. You will most likely never have to go ahead and actually administer the consequences of corporal punishment ... but the point is that you make believe here that you will actually carry it out because you are at the limit of your wits. whatever consequence you decide.

If she refuses to accept the duties and consequences, tell her that you have no choice but to go to the Justice of the Peace office and file an eviction proceeding against her. Be prepared to do it for real. If he refuses the consequences that you wrote down for him to endure if he does not do a specific task, you request an eviction.

It would also put a limit on the number of times you allow chores to get skipped and the application of consequences. Kind of like a 3 strike rule. That way, if he forgets a task and you have to apply the consequence (either phone or belt) a maximum of two times, because the third time, he's out.

The key here is to let him know unequivocally that you are fed up and at your wits' end. It is offering you one last chance to get in shape or get on board. This gives her every advantage IF she thinks she will. This is why you MUST be fully prepared to move on, and then REALLY follow through if she misses your written assignments.

I know this sounds harsh, and possibly unconventional, but at 20 this is a crossroads in his life ... and yours. This is not the time to joke around with complaints and bs ... this is the time to step up and complete the last stage of parenting - transitioning from childhood to adulthood and doing it with her on the road to parenting. success instead of failure. I am sure your life will be happier and easier if you know that you completed this final task and got her off on the right foot, using good structure and discipline. It absolutely works.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

* I wish fortune instead of luck because fortune is won and luck is random;)

What should I do if my daughter does not move out of my house? He is only 20 years old and does nothing at home. How should I handle this?

First, as an adult in your home, you sit down with her and divide the jobs. She can also have an opinion. Say something like, “We are going to redistribute household responsibilities and we want your input. Can you attend a family meeting at the time you know you are available?

If she doesn't show up, then you continue without her and she gets assignments without giving an opinion.

To do this, it lists all the jobs around the house (everything from daily littl

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What should I do if my daughter does not move out of my house? He is only 20 years old and does nothing at home. How should I handle this?

First, as an adult in your home, you sit down with her and divide the jobs. She can also have an opinion. Say something like, “We are going to redistribute household responsibilities and we want your input. Can you attend a family meeting at the time you know you are available?

If she doesn't show up, then you continue without her and she gets assignments without giving an opinion.

To do this, list all the jobs around the house (from small daily jobs to big cleaning jobs) and rate them by how long it takes and how often they are done. So mowing the lawn wouldn't be in the same category as washing dishes, for example, but vacuuming the carpet would be in the same group as sweeping the floor.

Everyone in the meeting has a chance to choose which tasks they want to be responsible for, and you all make a list of who gets what work.

By getting everyone involved, you encourage responsibility because they can see that everyone has the same amount of work to do, and by consulting everyone, it gives them a sense of control.

Next, write the house rules as a family. This can be specific things like "all screens must be off 1 hour before bedtime" or more general things like "one's body is inviolable and subject only to one's own will." Again, the important thing is that the rules apply to everyone regardless of age or place in the "hierarchy" of the family.

Finally, it covers financial contributions. Work out the cost each person incurs. Include your share of the rent, the cost of food and utilities, and special things like the clubs you pay for, the cost of clothing, etc. Don't include gifts and birthday parties, etc., obviously, but do list everything else.

If your daughter works full time and is not studying yet, it would be reasonable to ask her to pay for room and board. If you want, you can agree to put the money in a bank account to save for it as a deposit in the first place. This is especially common for parents who don't need the money but do want to teach them about financial responsibility.

For any of your children who are minors or still in full-time education, you could use this as an opportunity to show them what it takes to live, rather than just getting out of mom and dad's bank. They should definitely contribute to the upkeep of the house by taking care of their share of the household chores, but not financially.

... Find out what's going on inside your head ... I don't know your daughter's situation ... I was like this at 22 ... After graduating from college, I stayed home and just listened to music, I watched TV, played videos and daydreamed 24/7 for 6 months ... I had no friends and didn't go out ... Mom told me that if I didn't go out to look for work, she would "forbid me to eat her food" ... I ended up with welfare and food stamps (now called SNAP Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) ...

… Mom spoke to me and took me to my brilliant general practitioner to rule out any physical causes and my GP discovered that I was ill.

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... Find out what's going on inside your head ... I don't know your daughter's situation ... I was like this at 22 ... After graduating from college, I stayed home and just listened to music, I watched TV, played videos and daydreamed 24/7 for 6 months ... I had no friends and didn't go out ... Mom told me that if I didn't go out to look for work, she would "forbid me to eat her food" ... I ended up with welfare and food stamps (now called SNAP Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) ...

... Mom spoke to me and took me to my brilliant general practitioner to rule out any physical causes and my GP found that I was very anxious about job interviews and fear of failure ... I also suffered from major depression, anxiety, Asperger's , TOC, BPD and BDD ...

... Fortunately, he referred me to therapy at a very cheap but esteemed Langre Mental Health Clinic in Randallstown, MD, down the road for $ 15.00 an hour and it worked wonders ... I had no self esteem at all ...

... The people at that clinic were the BEST ... They worked in conjunction with Baltimore County Social Services and the Welfare Department and gave me "homework" to apply or interview for two jobs each week ... Six months later, I was working full time ... I followed the treatment over the years ... to cope with the real job ...

... I still have low self-esteem, but now I am 60 years old, and at least I have had a stable job for 37 years ... and married for more than 32 years ... Things were never perfect at all times ... I had setbacks but they helped me persevere ...

... It saddens me to say that the clinic closed several years ago ... and now I have to pay regular prices at another clinic with my employee's health insurance ...

... Best of luck! ... I support her ... It can be done ...

It amazes me that so many people are quick to say "evict her", "notify her", "charge her" ... I don't think they have children at all.

Because first of all if your daughter is 20 years old and does nothing at home, the first culprit is you. If you didn't do anything around the house when you were 10, if you didn't do anything around the house when you were 15, why would you do anything around the house when you were 20?!? What was mom / dad doing up to now? Waiting for her to turn 18 and start doing things? I'm sorry, you lost your duty a lot.

And why do you start asking that question now that you are 20 years old? It was me

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It amazes me that so many people are quick to say "evict her", "notify her", "charge her" ... I don't think they have children at all.

Because first of all if your daughter is 20 years old and does nothing at home, the first culprit is you. If you didn't do anything around the house when you were 10, if you didn't do anything around the house when you were 15, why would you do anything around the house when you were 20?!? What was mom / dad doing up to now? Waiting for her to turn 18 and start doing things? I'm sorry, you lost your duty a lot.

And why do you start asking that question now that you are 20 years old? Was it different when you were 19/18? I guess not, now you're starting to change the rules of the game. That's pretty unfair, you know ... you probably enjoyed not caring about your kids' problems up until now and even now you're not about to, you can evict her or charge her rent or something. Did you help her grow? Apparently not because he wouldn't be 20 years old and would do nothing and feel good about it ...

I think your daughter needs help. You want to start parenting now when you should have started 18 years ago.

I would never ever evict, notify or charge my daughter. He would talk to her, help her find her way, support her efforts to be independent, teach her how. And she does A LOT of things around the house and goes to school and yes, it's hard growing up and being a young adult is the hardest age of all. I am there for her as I have been for the past 18 years and will be for the next 90 years if we have that many ahead of us.

It's hard to tell with so little information. Do you have a job? Going to college? Both of them? None?

10 years ago, I could have written this about my youngest son, only that he was 22. I never really wanted him to leave so much that he found something to do with his life. However, he came of age during the recession and jobs were scarce and not paying much.

He accepted a job through a temp agency. It wasn't a great job, but he stood his ground, he moved sideways in the company he was sent to, but it was a completely different job. Then he was hired as a regular employee as a janitor, started taking some universities c

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It's hard to tell with so little information. Do you have a job? Going to college? Both of them? None?

10 years ago, I could have written this about my youngest son, only that he was 22. I never really wanted him to leave so much that he found something to do with his life. However, he came of age during the recession and jobs were scarce and not paying much.

He accepted a job through a temp agency. It wasn't a great job, but he stood his ground, he moved sideways in the company he was sent to, but it was a completely different job. Then he was hired as a regular employee as a janitor, started taking some college classes to become a fitness trainer, completed it and moved to another company, still as a janitor, he moved again, each time increasing his salary to the place where he currently works. This place allowed him to complete his education. He is no longer a janitor and works in an office there.

Bottom line, if someone had told me ten years ago that they would be a homeowner with a college degree, a legion of people posting on their FB every day about the great exercise they did in their group gym class and other work That increases your skills in the computer and with the administration, I would have laughed and said, 'Yes, sure'.

20 is still very young. He would insist that his daughter get a job and write down some goals. If you don't like that job, then you need to find something you really want to do and find a way to do it, whether it involves going to school or working in the fields. You may not get instant gratification, but you need to set goals and a plan to achieve them.

I didn't know it, but my son had set goals. Maybe not all at once, but after reaching his first goal, that success inspired him to set more goals. There should be a series of steps to achieve the goals, so that the goal is not seen as an unattainable wish.

People who say kick it out probably don't understand the reality behind crippling depression or mood disorders or maybe mental health is intact, but physical health is an issue.

Sometimes counselors don't even get the big picture. Or doctors. Everyone seems to be an expert, but tough love doesn't work for everyone, and in some cases, it can even make the problem worse.

If these tall and powerful people ever had to deal with someone who is suicidal or even experienced the suicide of someone they love, maybe they would sing a different tune. Maybe. Maybe not.

Some people get it. Some people

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People who say kick it out probably don't understand the reality behind crippling depression or mood disorders or maybe mental health is intact, but physical health is an issue.

Sometimes counselors don't even get the big picture. Or doctors. Everyone seems to be an expert, but tough love doesn't work for everyone, and in some cases, it can even make the problem worse.

If these tall and powerful people ever had to deal with someone who is suicidal or even experienced the suicide of someone they love, maybe they would sing a different tune. Maybe. Maybe not.

Some people get it. Some people don't.

This is what I learned:

Enabling behavior is destructive. Rather than letting my son be a sponge doing nothing, I ask him to do a specific task. I give a timeline. I appreciate the effort. Then I give it a break before asking for another assignment. Some days are really good and various tasks are completed. Some weeks are very dark and I am lucky to even have a conversation between migraines, physical pain and depression.

Emotional disabilities are as difficult to deal with as physical disabilities. Your child is probably not as evil as some people think he is, and neither are you.

I suggest finding a good family therapist. Then, once the problem areas are identified, you can start working on effective solutions. Kicking your child is a selfish knee-jerk reaction that can end with even worse results than you currently face.

Although I will say this ... you have to love yourself. If you don't love yourself and don't forgive yourself, you won't find peace in interacting with your child.

Personally, I have three children. One is struggling and having many difficulties. The other two are fine. So just because you have a child who is not an adult, it does not mean that you have failed in parenting. It just means that there is a unique situation that you need to find a way to deal with. Counseling, specifically family therapy, helps.

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