I recently got a job offer on Facebook, and instead of being happy for me, some of the people I considered my closest friends stopped talking to me. Does this mean that they are not my friends?

Updated on : January 20, 2022 by Ashton Mills



I recently got a job offer on Facebook, and instead of being happy for me, some of the people I considered my closest friends stopped talking to me. Does this mean that they are not my friends?

I grew up in a joint family with aunts and uncles who always showed affection for me. I loved spending time with them. As time went on, I began to share my stories from school and college with them, including crushes and love. I knew they would always support me. But when times went wrong, they backed off and blamed me for everything. That was the moment I asked, is it really my own people who I thought were behind me?

Then I fell in love with someone who for me was the best thing that happened to me at that time. I had the happiest moments with him, but as time went by, h

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I grew up in a joint family with aunts and uncles who always showed affection for me. I loved spending time with them. As time went on, I began to share my stories from school and college with them, including crushes and love. I knew they would always support me. But when times went wrong, they backed off and blamed me for everything. That was the moment I asked, is it really my own people who I thought were behind me?

Then I fell in love with someone who for me was the best thing that happened to me at that time. I had the happiest moments with him, but as time passed, he distanced himself and walked away saying that he is just a good friend who will always be there for me. His disappearance literally killed me. And I asked him if he was really a friend, as he said.

I have always been very close to my older brother, but as soon as he moved abroad, he also became emotionally distant and we lost the warmth that we shared with each other. We used to struggle a lot only to realize that our thoughts are completely different. And I wondered if this is what a sibling relationship looks like.

During my studies, I made some friends with whom I was closer than my parents. They supported me and lifted my spirits as I went through some of the worst times of my life. They patiently listened to my sob stories for hours and never judged me. But today that same group of people is trying to compete with me. They get sarcastic when I feel bad. And I wonder, are they my friends?

At work, I work with people who continue to receive adulation for my work, and when it comes to receiving written comments, they refrain from putting anything in writing. And I wonder, are they really my supporters as they claim?

My parents love me very much (like anyone else) but when there is a conflict between my brother and me, they never tell him that he is wrong. And I wonder, do they love me less than my brother?

Now if you review each of the above short episodes that I am describing to you, you will notice that I am focusing on what went wrong rather than what was / is good in the relationship. Just because something hasn't been totally perfect, I'm trying to dismiss it as an unhappy relationship when the fact is that the dynamics of the relationship keep changing all the time. Yes, our own people will disappoint us, not because they don't care, but because, as human beings, we all have flaws. We are not perfect. We behave immaturely without even realizing it.

When someone does something wrong, we forget all the things they did right in the heat of the moment and discard the relationship because we are deeply hurt. We do not forget and forgive.

It is a fact that no one except you would be happy for you when you rise in life. People would be happy if they themselves were doing better than you and not otherwise. They will always compare themselves to you or find your weaknesses to feel better. At work, you will meet many people who will sound very friendly and helpful to you. But you will see your real character when you get a raise higher than them or a promotion before them. They will despise you when your boss gives you that opportunity that they wanted to have.

What do you do with them? Any! Allow them to remain as they are, but don't let that change you as a person. How they behave with you or what they do to you is a reflection of their own insecurity with which they live. They are often unhappy with themselves and fight their own internal battles. So don't make a big deal out of it.

In her case, I suggest you forgive her and give her time to introspect her behavior. She is probably worried about her own problems and is still trying to find a solution. Don't take anything personally and ruin this friendship. To me, it seems like an emotional reaction that will go away with time.

I think this is an interesting question and you have already received many different answers, but it doesn't hurt to add one more from me. :)

Only you yourself have the answer to this question. How do you define who is a "friend"? What kind of behavior does being a friend constitute and what is not being a friend? I'm not sure you should be surprised, but the meaning of "friend" means different things to different people. Also for each person, there are so many different types of friends: best friend, study friend, casual friend, party friend, etc. So the question is really, what kind of friend?

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I think this is an interesting question and you have already received many different answers, but it doesn't hurt to add one more from me. :)

Only you yourself have the answer to this question. How do you define who is a "friend"? What kind of behavior does being a friend constitute and what is not being a friend? I'm not sure you should be surprised, but the meaning of "friend" means different things to different people. Also for each person, there are so many different types of friends: best friend, study friend, casual friend, party friend, etc. So the question is really, what kind of friend was she to you? Only you can answer this question yourself.

I think a lot of people can agree that their behavior is not pleasant behavior. At the same time, she's justified in feeling jealous, stressed out, or just feeling like she's no longer in a position to be your friend because you're so much smarter than her (I'm just guessing). This could very well be her weakness and you probably don't have to be too hard on yourself and not be too hard on her.

But my main point is this. When you broke the news to her, did you even understand how she was going to feel about the news? Was it appropriate for her to listen to the news? I think you might be surprised to hear this, but not all news is suitable for all people. Some news will scare some people and some news will provoke a wrong response from some people. It's too much to assume that "I'm just stating a fact, I got an offer." Some people can't accept it, no matter what you think. (You have probably already learned this). So in this regard, you may want to consider hiding the "news" from people when the last thing they want to know is that you are smarter than they are and that you are going to make more money than they are. is it so. If this is really the case, you may want to consider who you really consider a "friend" in the future. Sometimes a person whom you consider a "friend" may not consider you to be their "friend."

I think you haven't done anything wrong in this case, so you probably shouldn't be overly concerned.

You should check if you really are the same person as you were before, since maybe you changed in some way and did not realize it.
As some say, power corrupts, and over the years I had seen many situations like that ... I
had a very close friend in a very close group of friends, we all hung out every weekend for drinks, barbecues and poker nights. , always joking and laughing at each other. A friendship that lasted 12 years since we went to college together, we worked together and we even lived in the same house when we shared a house with 5 friends.
Then he got a very profitable commercial offer (which

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You should check if you really are the same person as you were before, since maybe you changed in some way and did not realize it.
As some say, power corrupts, and over the years I had seen many situations like that ... I
had a very close friend in a very close group of friends, we all hung out every weekend for drinks, barbecues and poker nights. , always joking and laughing at each other. A friendship that lasted 12 years since we went to college together, we worked together and we even lived in the same house when we shared a house with 5 friends.
He then received a very profitable commercial offer (which he accepted immediately) and changed it completely. He was too busy for anything (not that he was really busy, but "I'm too busy for that" became his usual response to any questions or calls to friends who tried (this or bragging about his work). Then he started to believe that everyone was jealous of him and was moving further away from everyone, more and more aggressive in our attempts to at least sometimes reunite the group.
As I was with a very close friend, I tried very hard not to lose contact, my last nail in the coffin was when on his birthday I bought him a gift and I drove 60km to his office at the end of the day to congratulate him and give the gift. one of his employees took me to his office, took the gift and replied "for the package I can see is a shirt, thanks, wait with the guys outside because I'm too busy right now, but I'll talk to you after I finish what am". doing. "I waited 20 minutes and then everything came packed up and said" Bye Glauco, bye guys, see you tomorrow. "
Yes, I stopped trying, yes, he tells some of his co-workers who are our friends that we all gave up on him because we got jealous of his success, but for the old friends we just stopped trying because the new version treated us badly. of the.
Last week he got married, we knew this finally happened due to the Facebook update, but none of the old friends who hang out together every weekend were invited or even sent a message. Good pens no longer exist

My best friend and I met about 25 years ago. We've been friends through everything: college, marriage, divorce, health issues, and many other things.

With the perspective that looking back gives me, I realize that our friendship has had its ups and downs.

For example, around the same time that I was struggling with the momentous decision to have children, she had a child. I stopped seeing her for a while. He was not jealous or envious. But it hurt. I needed time to sort my insides.

Our very fortunate lives have passed very differently. I learn from her every day. A contrasting life combined with

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My best friend and I met about 25 years ago. We've been friends through everything: college, marriage, divorce, health issues, and many other things.

With the perspective that looking back gives me, I realize that our friendship has had its ups and downs.

For example, around the same time that I was struggling with the momentous decision to have children, she had a child. I stopped seeing her for a while. He was not jealous or envious. But it hurt. I needed time to sort my insides.

Our very fortunate lives have passed very differently. I learn from her every day. A contrasting life combined with the fact that she knows me means that the advice I receive from her tends to scare me because of its accuracy.

Your friendship and the years you have been in my life are an increasingly valuable treasure.

It is a fact that when you do it well you lose friends. But before you decide they were never your friends, know this: Sometimes really good people create a distance because they have something to work out that has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Your actions (less than ideal) are related to your own struggles, feelings of inadequacy, or doubts.

Wait a minute. Some of them will realize that each has their own path and will re-emerge. Forgive them. You will find incredible perspective and love in the people who knew you before you made your way, despite the (natural) interruptions and difficult times in your friendship.

Of course, you will definitely find people that you only need to exclude because they cannot be happy for you or do not want the best for you. But don't be too quick to dismiss them all.

Be generous with your prospect and you will find that all that generosity was the best thing you could have done.


This video excerpt is a cameo from Buzz Aldrin's The Big Bang Theory. As long as this doesn't remind you of yourself, you're fine. It's probably her.

However, he cried, which is a pretty strong reaction. Does he see you as an equal, superior or inferior? What about grades and results? That answer would provide a lot more information, but of course you might not be sure how she sees it. Especially after such a reaction. However, to provide an idea of ​​what might be happening so that you can consider how to react (if you decide to do something

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This video excerpt is a cameo from Buzz Aldrin's The Big Bang Theory. As long as this doesn't remind you of yourself, you're fine. It's probably her.

However, he cried, which is a pretty strong reaction. Does he see you as an equal, superior or inferior? What about grades and results? That answer would provide a lot more information, but of course you might not be sure how she sees it. Especially after such a reaction. However, to provide an idea of ​​what might be happening so that you can consider how to react (if you decide to do something):

If she sees you as superior to you, she's probably just worried about her future. College is a wild time and the outcome is very unpredictable. We are told to get an education and the world is our oyster, but that doesn't always work and she may be reaching that possible conclusion herself. However, the stares of death are a bit strange. Give her time to find out a few things, and if she's a friend, she'll recover.

If she sees you as inferior, meaning primarily from an education point of view, she probably thinks she deserves it more. Perhaps she applied for similar roles and was rejected. You don't want to be around this person.

If she considers you equal, all bets are off. Possibly crazy. You may or may not want to be around this person; It depends on how much excitement you want in your life and how many emotional roller coasters you can handle.

Be careful when defining who your friends are, though, on that watch you're not confusing friendship with colleagues (or Andrew's best-articulated statement, friendship with 'closeness'). There is an ad for KFC in Australia, not sure if it shows elsewhere, asking why we have "sometimes friends". I mean, why are they just your friends sometimes, like at work or school? Keep saying, "either they are your friends or they are not." It annoys me a bit, because it ignores the point that sometimes we are friendly with others in repetitive or common situations because it makes everyone's life easier, especially your own.

I guess they're not really our friends. So the moral of the story? Don't buy KFC.



P.S. This does not mean that colleagues cannot be friends. Only, not all friendly colleagues are automatically friends.

Also, there is an alternate view. Regardless of whether you are male or female, is there any chance that she is romantically interested in you? Does working for Facebook mean moving from where you currently live or going to college? Could accepting this job offer be seen, in any way, as a rejection of it, by yourself?

There you have it, a couple of possible options:

1. You may be acting like a giant space jerk like Howard and Buzz.
2. She thinks she's better than you and that you don't deserve her.
3. You are worried about the future of your life and you feel miserable.
4. Everyone is crazy, or is it you?
5. She is romantically interested in you.

You are on your own, I wish you all the best and good luck!

I recently got a lot of followers on the internet. People stopped talking to me or blocked me on Facebook or even started trying to publicly defame me. Does that mean they're not really my friends?

Yes.

Although I did my best to help them when they needed help, I taught them how to sell or run a business, I shared memories, laughter, good times, at the end of the day they were bitter because my life had improved and theirs did not.

They were just selfish people who were happy that I was on the same level as I was with them, they wanted to use me for what I had, but at the moment when my reality

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I recently got a lot of followers on the internet. People stopped talking to me or blocked me on Facebook or even started trying to publicly defame me. Does that mean they're not really my friends?

Yes.

Although I did my best to help them when they needed help, I taught them how to sell or run a business, I shared memories, laughter, good times, at the end of the day they were bitter because my life had improved and theirs did not.

They were simply selfish people who were happy that I was on the same level as I was with them, they wanted to use me for what I had, but the moment my reality and my life changed for the better, they were out.

The funny thing is that I did not kick them out of my life. They kicked me out of theirs.

Success is a funny thing. They say the top is a lonely place. I never really understood why so many people said that until I experienced people stabbing me in the back or making me jealous in my own life.

Don't worry, as you become more and more successful, you will continue to lose friends in your life, or what I consider to be the fat in meat. It's okay though, as the filet mignons, ribeyes, and porterhouses will be left behind. Hmm!

I think this is a difficult question.

And after checking his Twitter and his site, I also think that Leonard's perceived loss of friends may be more as a result of his enlightened, self-centered guru style. Although I agree on a fundamental level with many of his positions, I find his communication style quite distasteful, all that terrible aphoristic pseudo-mysticism that Californian capital does so well. And lots of praise for retweeting, you'd think someone who wrote a book on 'social etiquette' would realize it's just alienating. Without humility.

Not to extensively annoy Mr. Kim, but given t

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I think this is a difficult question.

And after checking his Twitter and his site, I also think that Leonard's perceived loss of friends may be more as a result of his enlightened, self-centered guru style. Although I agree on a fundamental level with many of his positions, I find his communication style quite distasteful, all that terrible aphoristic pseudo-mysticism that Californian capital does so well. And lots of praise for retweeting, you'd think someone who wrote a book on 'social etiquette' would realize it's just alienating. Without humility.

I don't want to upset Mr. Kim too much, but since his answer is the most popular, I think it deserves an examination. I can't say it's more than my opinion, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were shared by others.

For your question, I do not claim to know the answer from the inside out, but I assume that it is divided in two, not necessarily equally:

1) Those who, as Kim mentions elsewhere, associate with you primarily for personal gain: "people who brag about your success ... to use your resources, but who don't really like you." I think this is a cultural thing and largely avoidable if you have a good sense of people. Interestingly, I think there are more such people in "entrepreneurial" circles, in part because of ruthless business necessity: contacts, favors, deals, and so on. It is a pragmatic response that can withstand the pitfalls of friendship, but on the surface. I believe that many work relationships can be like that too, but perhaps they do not permeate a life so deeply, because normal people do not make work their lifestyle or their cornerstone.

2) People who are probably your friends in the conventional sense, but for whom your own success only throws deeper relief from their insecurities or perceived failures. That is why it is difficult: you are not really what bothers them. Your relative measure of success is. I had this from a friend who got really stuck in his life while I was moving on; conversely, I felt pangs when talking to people who seemed to be miles ahead of me. This was especially true when the last group seemed to be there for no particular reason to exclude me. In other words, "why am I not so successful?" This goes a bit beyond "jealousy."

In the world of technology, where there is such a distinct job hierarchy and where the application to those jobs is often measured (or attempted to be measured) in such empirical terms, in other words, scored and scored, it can probably feel like an even sharper comparison. You are 50, they are 75. Why are you so much worse? And so on.

Regarding his current relationship with the woman in question, I would wonder if it really is a 'death stare' or if he is reading stuff. If you are sure it is, then perhaps there is some other context you can ask about. If you're willing to save the relationship, that is. Otherwise, it seems that unless you do something, you will not remain friends. All relationships are ultimately reciprocal.

Welcome to one of life's most difficult transitional periods.

During your college years, you've probably amassed a decent number of friends, and the main link is school and age-related experiences.

What you will find is that, just like this "friend", as you build your career and family, the people you met as friends during this fantastic time in your life:

  1. Grow up with you and stay friends.
  2. It takes too long to mature and you will ultimately have to eliminate them from your life. Jealousy is a good example of this immaturity.
  3. Matches because you don't really have that
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Welcome to one of life's most difficult transitional periods.

During your college years, you've probably amassed a decent number of friends, and the main link is school and age-related experiences.

What you will find is that, just like this "friend", as you build your career and family, the people you met as friends during this fantastic time in your life:

  1. Grow up with you and stay friends.
  2. It takes too long to mature and you will ultimately have to eliminate them from your life. Jealousy is a good example of this immaturity.
  3. They separate because they no longer have much in common with them.

Unfortunately, this same event will happen many times over the next several years and it will be difficult. My fiancee is in her early twenties and watching this process from the outside has been as painful as going through it when I was her age. While this will be a painful process, what you will find is that as you remove the people from your life who are weighing you down, it frees you up to make new friends who are positive and add to your life rather than take away from you.

In the end, you should always focus on what will make you happy and improve your life. If the people around you cannot accept that and make an effort to support your happiness, as you would them, then it is not worth having them in your life as friends and you should move on.

This is an emotional aspect of the relationship that is rarely mentioned in the popular media, which tends to romanticized friendship as a selfless act towards the people we love (always there when you need it most, always happy for your success, etc.) . The truth is, no one can afford to have a personal life and feeling around their friend. We connect with people out of our own desire to be able to share thoughts and life with people who we think in the same stages of life. The relevance of our friends depends on how identifiable their lives are with yours. When we used to be able to relate to one person

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This is an emotional aspect of the relationship that is rarely mentioned in the popular media, which tends to romanticized friendship as a selfless act towards the people we love (always there when you need it most, always happy for your success, etc.) . The truth is, no one can afford to have a personal life and feeling around their friend. We connect with people out of our own desire to be able to share thoughts and life with people who we think in the same stages of life. The relevance of our friends depends on how identifiable their lives are with yours. When we used to be able to relate to a person, then suddenly this person gets an advantage in their life that we also yearn for but did not get, so the first thing that comes to mind is not being happy about it. you or how great it was, but what did I do wrong that I can't get it but he / she can? That seems petty and harsh. Perhaps some people can think / act selflessly and react differently. But I think it's perfectly natural to feel a twinge of jealousy after hearing about a friend's success. If she cried and ran after you, it doesn't necessarily mean that she's not a true friend, it just means that she can't contain her emotion well. Perhaps because he had previously suppressed anxiety about his uncertain future and exploded with your news. The best thing to do as a friend is to be more considerate of your friend's struggle in life and downplay his success in the face of it. You can't share how good that steak is at the new bistro with hungry people in Africa if you know what I mean. If you really need someone to share your success with, find one with accomplishments similar to yours. It may mean putting some distance from her, but all things are going to turn around ... trust me. You just graduated from college and your future is still far ahead. She will eventually find her way. Then you can meet and share stories. Not as emphatically as when you do it in college, but as romantic as an old friend does. But all things are going to turn ... believe me. You just graduated from college and your future is still far ahead. She will eventually find her way. Then you can meet and share stories. Not as emphatically as when you do it in college, but as romantic as an old friend does. But all things are going to turn ... believe me. You just graduated from college and your future is still far ahead. She will eventually find her way. Then you can meet and share stories. Not as emphatically as when you do it in college, but as romantic as an old friend does.

Oh they're still your friends Just not very good or loyal friends.

Have you heard the expression "a ladder of success"? Well, there is a reason for the staircase, and not, for example, a "swimming pool" or a "walk in the park". You have to climb a ladder, like a mountain. Not everyone is willing to do that, only those with a determined mindset do it, and with every step you climb. those on the lower rungs will despise your progress. It is a human trait and we all have it to some extent. It is necessary, otherwise we could not compete.

This type of treatment is difficult to accept. I had my share of th

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Oh they're still your friends Just not very good or loyal friends.

Have you heard the expression "a ladder of success"? Well, there is a reason for the staircase, and not, for example, a "swimming pool" or a "walk in the park". You have to climb a ladder, like a mountain. Not everyone is willing to do that, only those with a determined mindset do it, and with every step you climb. those on the lower rungs will despise your progress. It is a human trait and we all have it to some extent. It is necessary, otherwise we could not compete.

This type of treatment is difficult to accept. I had my share of those moments when I thought they were my friends. Then I cheered up, and now that they show their envy and jealousy, I say to myself 'that's what they do, that's what they are, you can't expect a snake to act like a cuddly kitten.' So that I am not disappointed, and their unpleasant actions towards me do not bother me.

Life goes on. I know that I worked hard to become the person I am today, and I will not deny my achievement just to please some envious people who cannot bear to see my success.

So keep going and keep succeeding despite your jealous friends, because 20 years from now, your actions won't matter, but your successes will matter - big time!

This also happened to me when I was in college. The guy I was dating was a year older than me, and he landed an amazing summer internship with a tech company that had some cool stuff (not as prestigious as Facebook, but still a cool place). I was checking t-shirts in a tourist store all summer.

He was jealous as hell and it was hard not to let it show. I tried to be happy for him, but I really didn't like my job and it was obvious that it was a dead end, and every time I saw him I felt bad about my own situation. If we hadn't been dating, I definitely would have avoided it a

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This also happened to me when I was in college. The guy I was dating was a year older than me, and he landed an amazing summer internship with a tech company that had some cool stuff (not as prestigious as Facebook, but still a cool place). I was checking t-shirts in a tourist store all summer.

He was jealous as hell and it was hard not to let it show. I tried to be happy for him, but I really didn't like my job and it was obvious that it was a dead end, and every time I saw him I felt bad about my own situation. If we hadn't been dating, I definitely would have avoided it entirely. Why would I want to hang out with a loser like me when I had brilliant new friends from real tech companies to hang out with and talk about cool tech stuff? That job could have been mine if only I was older.

I know it seems unfair from your point of view, but it doesn't really mean that she isn't happy for you. It doesn't even mean that he doesn't like you. It just means that they think they don't deserve to be with you. Just being happy for you and interacting with you makes her feel very bad about herself.

I hope this helps.

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