I'm 24 and I lost my 3 year old girlfriend and I can't get over it. How can I get my shit together?

Updated on : December 7, 2021 by Eva Holmes



I'm 24 and I lost my 3 year old girlfriend and I can't get over it. How can I get my shit together?

First I want to express my condolences for a dead relationship. That shit is never nice and everyone in the world (whether they admit it or not) can empathize with your pain. But I want to start by looking at some facts.

You are 24 years old, which means that you are very young. 3 years of your short life is a lot of time, 1/8 of your life was spent with this person. The void left by your absence is going to be painful. You have every right to be saddened by your loss.

Now let's move on to what can be done. From my perspective and let us remember that I do not know you or your life experience.

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First I want to express my condolences for a dead relationship. That shit is never nice and everyone in the world (whether they admit it or not) can empathize with your pain. But I want to start by looking at some facts.

You are 24 years old, which means that you are very young. 3 years of your short life is a lot of time, 1/8 of your life was spent with this person. The void left by your absence is going to be painful. You have every right to be saddened by your loss.

Now let's move on to what can be done. From my perspective, let's remember that I don't know you or your life experiences. I don't know what moves you or makes you angry or what your quirks, jealousy, ambitions and loves are. What I do know is that, at the end of it all, we are responsible for our own well-being. If people treat us well or like shit, if they are there when we need them or if they abandon us. That is your individual journey. Since it is our responsibility not to make ourselves victims and accept our role in life. Try to live with compassion and love. Be grateful for the experience and the lessons that can be learned.

We can focus on ourselves. Clean our own luggage, identify, accept and overcome or live well with our insecurities. Take responsibility for the things we have or have not done. You start fixing your shit by doing this, looking at the evil in ourselves and taking responsibility for doing something about it. Look at your past with your ex and see if there were things you did that could have contributed to the end of the relationship. Then, do your best to correct them so they don't torment you in other relationships. Identify where you were an amazing partner and keep doing it.

It is also vital to remember this. The problem wasn't just you. Your partner was a 100% contributing factor to the failure or relationship success. When the pain starts to heal, you may find that you dodged a damn bullet.

It takes time and lots of distractions ...

I am 24 years old and I just lost my boyfriend of 3 years, but we still live together for another month and then he will move. The worst thing is that I have 2 children that he has helped me raise in some way that he will also drift away from (not his), but he said he doesn't care. This has been the hardest thing for me. One because I can't just party to get over it because I have kids and responsibilities. And he was my best friend for 8 years before my boyfriend, so I am losing one of the most important people in my life that I have been vulnerable to.

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It takes time and lots of distractions ...

I am 24 years old and I just lost my boyfriend of 3 years, but we still live together for another month and then he will move. The worst thing is that I have 2 children that he has helped me raise in some way that he will also drift away from (not his), but he said he doesn't care. This has been the hardest thing for me. One because I can't just party to get over it because I have kids and responsibilities. And he was my best friend for 8 years before my boyfriend, so I am losing one of the most important people in my life that I have been vulnerable to. Besides, we live together and we still share a bed because it is the only one. So I'm basically staring and sleeping next to the person who broke my heart every day, basically reliving the words "I don't want to be with you anymore" every time I see him,

It's been a month since he said it but it still hurts. I have improved by overcoming it. I just go to the even apple bees bar just to chill and meet cool people. I even went to a strip club alone (yes, I'm a girl) and had fun. I even post some photos of "single girls" on my social media that I couldn't go. I was in a relationship that boosts my ego by seeing that other men love me (even if they don't understand me). I try to be as busy as possible, work and never look at it. All of this has helped me walk happily through our apartment and forget that I am sad and miserable.

Just focus on other things. Cry if you have to, but only if you really need to. One day the perfect person for you will find you, until then just relax and find yourself and enjoy. Good luck! (Take a vacation! I'm planning to go to Bora Bora :)!

You are not alone. This is how life works. I learned this at that same age and then, I looked at it differently. I wonder what if she lost me? We always naturally think of the "me", but we forget to ask the questions of how that person would feel if it happened.

When you say 'lost', do you mean that she broke up with you or that she passed away?

If you mean the latter, take the time to regret, gather slowly, and be sensible. Losing a loved one is hard to take in. You just don't get over it. But we have to get up and find a whole new meaning.

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You are not alone. This is how life works. I learned this at that same age and then, I looked at it differently. I wonder what if she lost me? We always naturally think of the "me", but we forget to ask the questions of how that person would feel if it happened.

When you say 'lost', do you mean that she broke up with you or that she passed away?

If you mean the latter, take the time to regret, gather slowly, and be sensible. Losing a loved one is hard to take in. You just don't get over it. But we have to get up and find a whole new meaning to move on.

If she broke up with you, then always ask her what if I was the one who left her? When you leave one for another, it is usually because you want to satisfy their needs. Wouldn't you want to be with someone you are not happy with? Would you do it? It is the art of letting go. There is beauty in it and it can work in two ways. If you accept the letting go part, you will find peace and live in the truth. If you want what does not belong to you, you will live in lies. And you will suffer the consequences of your own selfish desire. Nature has its way of solving what is not in harmony.

You think and feel as if your broken heart is the whole and the end of it all. But I can tell you now that if you do this right, you will forget about her and move on.

Step one. Get up and get out. Get together with friends, socialize, join a new club or group, learn something new, volunteer for a charity. Get up and get out.

Second step. Refocus on other things you want in life. That promotion at work? Get good grades, get additional training, learn new skills, learn a new language, travel… save for a house or renovations… the list is endless.

Step three. Every time you think about your tur

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You think and feel as if your broken heart is the whole and the end of it all. But I can tell you now that if you do this right, you will forget about her and move on.

Step one. Get up and get out. Get together with friends, socialize, join a new club or group, learn something new, volunteer for a charity. Get up and get out.

Second step. Refocus on other things you want in life. That promotion at work? Get good grades, get additional training, learn new skills, learn a new language, travel… save for a house or renovations… the list is endless.

Step three. Every time you think about her, turn your thoughts to something else that is more positive.

Repeat and repeat until you have fun and realize you haven't thought about her in a while ... Keep going and eventually you'll start to notice other women. You will start asking them out. Some will accept it, others will reject it. You will have great dates and terrible dates and then somewhere you will meet someone else.

OK, you are 24 years old.

I don't know what "lost" means, it often involves death, which would be a much greater challenge and demand more sympathy and advice than if your girlfriend left you for an unspecified reason.

I know these things because when our son died in 2005 at the age of 20 in a firefighting training accident, he had a great girlfriend of about 6 months, also 20. Overcoming that death was a challenge for her, she took her time and has se moved wonderfully and is now married. That is surely what our son would have wanted me to do.

If you're losing shit over a failed relationship and you can '

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OK, you are 24 years old.

I don't know what "lost" means, it often involves death, which would be a much greater challenge and demand more sympathy and advice than if your girlfriend left you for an unspecified reason.

I know these things because when our son died in 2005 at the age of 20 in a firefighting training accident, he had a great girlfriend of about 6 months, also 20. Overcoming that death was a challenge for her, she took her time and has se moved wonderfully and is now married. That is surely what our son would have wanted me to do.

If you're losing shit to a failed relationship and can't get over it, seek help getting back on track - there will be bigger challenges ahead in your life. Learn to heal your soul, you will be better with the lessons you learn.

Smoke some joints bro. This is not advice from a stoner friend. I used it myself and was able to get rid of the emotional baggage. I started over and life was as beautiful as ever.

Life is too small to stop. You're only 24, the golden days of youth. Live your life, be you. Maybe you will find a better girl as life goes on. But give yourself time for now. Join a gym, grow a beard, become a muscular hunk, or do whatever makes you happy, makes you live life.

Simply put, become a better version of yourself.

If nothing requires you to be where you are for the next year, move on. Completely change your environment. New city, new country or just traveling. This, in my opinion, is the best thing to do after a breakup. However, if this really isn't possible, at least take some time off from work, however much you can get away with (talk to HR or whoever), and take a vacation. Empty your physical environment. Go to a random little town and stay in a b & b something like that. This is your quirky indie movie. Make it happen. If I had a back injury or a bad virus or something, I would have to organize a recovery.

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If nothing requires you to be where you are for the next year, move on. Completely change your environment. New city, new country or just traveling. This, in my opinion, is the best thing to do after a breakup. However, if this really isn't possible, at least take some time off from work, however much you can get away with (talk to HR or whoever), and take a vacation. Empty your physical environment. Go to a random little town and stay in a b & b something like that. This is your quirky indie movie. Make it happen. If you had a back injury or a bad virus or something, you would have to put together a recovery plan. The breakup is the same, especially if it is your first serious relationship. Being proactive in your recovery is an investment in your well-being for many years to come. If you can' Don't even plan as a month off to get away from it all (by which I don't mean isolate yourself; go somewhere with people, not a cabin in the woods or anything like that) and then treat your nights like a vacation. Host some classes or join social gatherings (using the Meetup app or whatever is popular in your country). New people, new environment. That will give you perspective.

You are at your own loss if you can't stop thinking about it. Try spending time elsewhere, on things you like, and start a new life.

Who knows, you could get a new partner, even if you don't hang out with your friends.

I don't know how old you are, but rule number 1 is that you have to accept that it is gone. Accepting that is the first step to feeling better. The reason most people suffer for a long time is because they still hope to get back together. That is why if someone dies, people recover and few people get depressed because their brain knows that the person is gone forever. I am not saying that you should not suffer, you will be sad, heartbroken, depressed, but you must accept that she is gone and forever.

The second important thing is to realize that this happening now is much better than a year or two in the future.

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I don't know how old you are, but rule number 1 is that you have to accept that it is gone. Accepting that is the first step to feeling better. The reason most people suffer for a long time is because they still hope to get back together. That is why if someone dies, people recover and few people get depressed because their brain knows that the person is gone forever. I am not saying that you should not suffer, you will be sad, heartbroken, depressed, but you must accept that she is gone and forever.

The second important thing is to realize that this happening now is much better than a year or two in the future. Imagine that you are wasting another two years of your life with someone who is going to leave you.

The third thing is not to force yourself to improve. Cry, cry, be alone, release your sadness, talk about it with people who can understand. All of these things will help you recover faster.

I am not going to tell you to look for a hobby or look for distractions as these things will not help. Your brain is in no condition to find a hobby. You will keep thinking about your ex and that is normal, but eventually you will get tired of thinking about her.

Fifth thing and it is very important, do not blame yourself for what happened. Your ex decided to leave because he wants to, otherwise he wouldn't stay with you long to wait for you to change. so make sure you have not done anything wrong because blaming yourself means that you will still think that if you had changed you would be together, but the fact is NO. Whatever you do, she's going to go.

The last thing you could do is trick your brain. Work on yourself, go to the gym, work on your physical appearance, pretend you are happy on social media. The purpose is to let your ex know that you are fine and that you enjoy life. Put in your brain that your girlfriend will regret her decision. Imagine if he begged you to come back (you may have), imagine he came back to you, do you really want him to know that he can destroy your life at any moment? You want someone to take control of your life, imagine that she threatens you to leave and leave, imagine that, you really want someone to treat you like that.

Also remember that you are not the only person in the world who experiences this. I am experiencing this right now and I know how difficult it is. I even wrote a note to post a Facebook post next year. My note is about me being depressed but recovered, but in more detail. Every time I feel depressed I read it and it is helping me.

She left you, she doesn't love you as much as you deserve it. Please don't give him a second chance. It would be for more pain. I have over 40 years and 27 years of relationship experience. I did it many times. It never worked. Actually. Really, please believe me. If I could leave you for another boy, I didn't appreciate you enough, I took you for granted, your love, your heart. She hurt you, your heart and your feelings. No one with true love for someone would do that, really. Don't accept her, don't try to convince her that you are the right person for her, don't do any of that. Is not

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She left you, she doesn't love you as much as you deserve it. Please don't give him a second chance. It would be for more pain. I have over 40 years and 27 years of relationship experience. I did it many times. It never worked. Actually. Really, please believe me. If I could leave you for another boy, I didn't appreciate you enough, I took you for granted, your love, your heart. She hurt you, your heart and your feelings. No one with true love for someone would do that, really. Don't accept her, don't try to convince her that you are the right person for her, don't do any of that. That is not worth it. She is not worth it. Whoever you are and I'm sure you are a wonderful person (because you have a heart, feel and are able to talk about your feelings / and surely you have many more qualities that make you stand out), you deserve more. Lobe yourself more than this woman. Be stubborn. Cut the contact. For good. That helps you heal. Meet nice people, go out and try to have fun, but also lie in bed and cry, it helps. In fact, when I am crying (this is very rare) in front of my children, I tell them that I am a dark cloud full of rain (tears), and the more I cry and the raindrops that make me heavy come out, the more lighter and brighter until I fade and the sun behind that cloud can shine again. Do what you feel you should do, but don't think about her, talk to her, don't search her social networks, don't answer calls or text messages (don't do it !!! / if it's easier for you, block her ), and don't wonder. You did not do anything wrong. Yes, she could have tried to work it out with you instead of walking to another man. But it did not. You weren't worth it for her. Now you make her not worth it for you. You deserve better, think about it. You deserve a woman who loves you as much as you love her. Don't go for the low-end "love". Go and fly high 💪😎, like the cloud. Let the sun shine in your life, for someone who deserves it. You! Good luck 🌺

Breakups are not fun. You seem like a very sensitive person, and that can be wonderful in a relationship, but it's hell when you're trying to get over one.

It is very common in long distance relationships to fall in love with the idea of ​​the other and the idea of ​​the one. This is very different from loving the person! This happens in long distance relationships because you are not physically together and there is not much to remind you that your partner is a flawed human being. It's easy to idealize the other person and put them on a pedestal, think about them all the time, and fall in love.

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Breakups are not fun. You seem like a very sensitive person, and that can be wonderful in a relationship, but it's hell when you're trying to get over one.

It is very common in long distance relationships to fall in love with the idea of ​​the other and the idea of ​​the one. This is very different from loving the person! This happens in long distance relationships because you are not physically together and there is not much to remind you that your partner is a flawed human being. It's easy to idealize the other person and put them on a pedestal, think about them all the time, and fall in love with the idea that that person is yours. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. ;-)

Did you ever think of her as your savior? Someone who can make all your pain go away? No one can do that, and that's a lot of pressure to put someone up. Even calling someone "the one" is a tremendous amount of pressure and expectations for someone, especially at your age. How would you feel if someone pressed you like that? Suddenly, it is not as romantic as it might seem.

One thing that can help: Take responsibility for your own feelings. On some level, you are choosing to feel everything that you are feeling. Nobody can make you feel something, then you would not have any autonomy or control over yourself. Just as you can't make her love you, she can't make you miserable. So ask yourself why you are choosing your current feelings. Keep the focus on you, not "she did this and she did that ..." Ask yourself, on some level, if you really enjoy the pain and feel like a victim. It may sound strange, but there is often a strange attraction to wallowing in self-pity, even if it is miserable. Recognizing it for what it is, seeing it clearly, and taking responsibility will help make it go away.

Good luck in your healing process. Just know that someday in the future you will remember this fondly and be grateful for the wisdom this experience has brought you.

Probably not. Someone who is a good long-term partner will understand and trust the phases of life and that things are not always perfect or even easy.

my boyfriend of four years and I have alternately been through things that made our relationship very difficult ... if I had been through that with anyone else, we couldn't have stayed together. When love is in balance with each other, there is an underlying loving appreciation and loyalty that will hold the couple together in difficult situations like losing a job, debilitating injuries, family court ... the exception to this is when a person goes through moments difficult.

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Probably not. Someone who is a good long-term partner will understand and trust the phases of life and that things are not always perfect or even easy.

my boyfriend of four years and I have alternately been through things that made our relationship very difficult ... if I had been through that with anyone else, we couldn't have stayed together. When love is in balance with each other, there is an underlying loving appreciation and loyalty that will hold a couple together in difficult situations such as losing a job, debilitating injuries, family court ... the exception to this is when the difficult time of a person becomes so self-destructive or abusive that the partner must leave to preserve selfishness when a partner begins to abuse drugs or alcohol ... the person may love the other person, but that person cannot be himself as long as he is so self destructive. If it is a committed love

That kind of trust is so extremely fragile that it is often not repaired after physical abuse or having to witness the self-destruction of a loved one to the point where they cannot continue to witness the behavior because it hurts to stay and watch a loved one cope. self-destructs.

It all depends on how mutual and loyal the relationship is and is then further complicated by the trauma earlier in each individual's life.

I'm not sure what happened ... if it was illness (including addiction) or injury, without abuse of the other person occurring, and that person left, then they are not suitable for you because compromised relationships in the long term they should endure. through sickness and health so that one does not constantly worry that they will be abandoned ... hence they put that phrase in the wedding vows.

It is very difficult to take on someone else's problems and pain, but when it is true love… as cheesy as that term may be… it is something you simply do when you really love another person.

It doesn't matter if your girlfriend is good to you; It only matters if she's good for you

It seems to me that they are both starting to have other ideas when it comes to their relationship. She may be the best person in the world, but if you have doubts, staying with her because she was your first lover and you feel a kind of "honor bound" obligation to protect her purity is not a valid reason for a relationship. If you are "liking" your ex, then maybe you are having other ideas as well.

It is very important that you be honest with yourself about what you feel and want. It is also important to have a

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It doesn't matter if your girlfriend is good to you; It only matters if she's good for you

It seems to me that they are both starting to have other ideas when it comes to their relationship. She may be the best person in the world, but if you have doubts, staying with her because she was your first lover and you feel a kind of "honor bound" obligation to protect her purity is not a valid reason for a relationship. If you are "liking" your ex, then maybe you are having other ideas as well.

It is very important that you be honest with yourself about what you feel and want. It is also important to have an honest, calm, and non-accusatory conversation with your girlfriend. Good relationships consist of honest and fearless communication. You are young and the truth is that the chances that your relationship will last are infinitesimally small. In real life, you have two chances of that happening: slim and fat. That does not mean that it is not possible, just improbable. But that is not intended to be daunting. It is only intended to point out that life is long and that you most likely have other lovers.

Find out what you want. Ask him what he wants. Continue from there. Simply holding on because she is a "good person" who is good to you will only create long-term resentment, especially if you make some kind of long-term commitment based on obligation, guilt, or fear. Make the decision to stay with her only if you can't see yourself living without her.

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