I am single, unemployed, broke, in debt, living with my parents, about to turn 40, friendless, depressed and miserable. I do not know what to do with my life. How can I turn it around?

Updated on : December 6, 2021 by Zachary Morgan



I am single, unemployed, broke, in debt, living with my parents, about to turn 40, friendless, depressed and miserable. I do not know what to do with my life. How can I turn it around?

Start by getting a job. ANY job is better than no job. Do you want fries with that? LOL, seriously, start earning some money and helping with bills. It will give you at least a little boost. In the meantime, find out what their talents and skills are, and how you can develop them into a marketable and more employable person. Then he gets off the minimum wage hamster wheel.

Get debt advice. However, don't go deep into debt to pay it off! You may be able to settle your debts honestly, or perhaps go through bankruptcy courts and start over, even if you end up with a payment plan in place.

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Start by getting a job. ANY job is better than no job. Do you want fries with that? LOL, seriously, start earning some money and helping with bills. It will give you at least a little boost. In the meantime, find out what their talents and skills are, and how you can develop them into a marketable and more employable person. Then he gets off the minimum wage hamster wheel.

Get debt advice. However, don't go deep into debt to pay it off! You may be able to pay off your debts honestly, or maybe go through bankruptcy court and start over, even if you end up with a payment plan instead of a clean slate. Be careful of the hustle and bustle of debt consolidation loans. It usually ends up biting your ass. Prioritize your own debt if you don't have a professionally suggested payment plan. Pick something, see if they settle for less, and pay. Choose something else, do the same. Those who don't settle may move to the end of the line unless there's a compelling reason to prioritize that one. When you liquidate a creditor in full, you are actually progressing and simplifying your life. Also try to pay off higher interest debt first.

If your total debt is less than what you could earn in a year, you really are not in such a bad position. You can get out of it without filing for bankruptcy. It may take 10 years or 10 months, but you can do it. Be happy with the progress. You are not a failure just because you are still in debt. You are a failure when you are not doing anything about it.

Becoming a productive earner will help you fight depression. Paying off your debts will help you fight depression. Paying for your own path in life will help you fight depression. And yet depression can hamper your efforts to address those goals. You have to break the cycle. It probably won't be easy, but it's a matter of survival. It's not physical survival ... your parents will probably feed, clothe and house you until they die or you die. I mean mental survival. Break the routine.

Finally, when you are debt free or get there, have a job and can be employed, and are ready to go back to being an adult, move on your own. Then you may find it easier to make friends. Friends who are like you, reasonably successful in life and debt free and unemployed and living with your parents as you used to be. Maybe even a GF. That can do a lot to spice up your life. Right now, it might not even seem possible, but put your other ducks in a row and you might find that it's actually kind of easy. There are women who are looking for men. You just need to remove the ones that will drag you down or push you back into the situation you are now trying to get out of.

I know the usual accepted advice is to see a psychiatrist first for your depression. The thing is, I've never seen that job. I've seen them prescribe a lot of pills, but they don't really work either. They don't depress you less. They just make the pain less and turn you into a zombie too much to yourself UNTIL YOU RUN OUT OF PILLS! I once had an ex-GF who tried to bleed out, days after a big-headed BF stole her meds and she couldn't get any more. When she saw what looked like gallons of blood (probably actually a pint or less, but I can't tell HER) on the floor, she freaked out, came back to reality, and called me. The next thing you know is that she is in the madhouse (I got in trouble with the nurses for calling it that LOL!) For a mandatory 2 week I think she stayed, and when he came out he was so happy he didn't have to listen to other people's depressing life stories in group therapy that he did quite well, went through a succession of better and better management positions, got rid of all the losing BF and she's quite happy and well adjusted, on less than half the pills she used to take. If she had never been overmedicated in the first place, none of that would have happened or at least nothing would have caused her to cut her wrists. This is just a real life example. I'm not saying don't seek professional help, just don't hang your star and try not to fall into the trap of over-medication. with less than half the pills he used to take. If she had never been overmedicated in the first place, none of that would have happened or at least nothing would have caused her to cut her wrists. This is just a real life example. I'm not saying don't seek professional help, just don't hang your star and try not to fall into the trap of over-medication. with less than half the pills he used to take. If she had never been overmedicated in the first place, none of that would have happened or at least nothing would have caused her to cut her wrists. This is just a real life example. I'm not saying don't seek professional help, just don't hang your star and try not to fall into the trap of over-medication. none of that would have happened or at least nothing would have made her cut her wrists. This is just a real life example. I'm not saying don't seek professional help, just don't hang your star and try not to fall into the trap of over-medication. none of that would have happened or at least nothing would have made her cut her wrists. This is just a real life example. I'm not saying don't seek professional help, just don't hang your star and try not to fall into the trap of over-medication.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a real doctor. That could be a good thing, it could be a bad thing. Your call.

I am the same age as you. I was raised having a privileged life at all times until I had a family of my own. The biggest setback of my life was nothing more than living in an apartment that at the time I thought was a failure just because I should be raising a family in a big house like the one I grew up in.

Two years later, with a lot of work and a lot of luck, I had a house that I could call my own. Well, the bank still owns it, but you know what I mean. I have a high paying job as an accountant. All of that was accomplished when he was only twenty-four years old. I lived life where

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I am the same age as you. I was raised having a privileged life at all times until I had a family of my own. The biggest setback of my life was nothing more than living in an apartment that at the time I thought was a failure just because I should be raising a family in a big house like the one I grew up in.

Two years later, with a lot of work and a lot of luck, I had a house that I could call my own. Well, the bank still owns it, but you know what I mean. I have a high paying job as an accountant. All of that was accomplished when he was only twenty-four years old. I lived the life that most people would be happy with.

Ten years later, the kids got older, the economy got worse. I lost my job. And then marriage. Being divorced means there will be days when you won't see your children. So somehow I lost connection with my children. I lost my share of our property because I moved in and filed a claim to relinquish ownership of the property. I left everything in that house, except my clothes, in the hope of living there again one day.

Two years passed, no progress was made. I tried to go to school to study a different career, the school closed. He had some temporary jobs, but did not get to any full-time positions. At the time, the economy was still down, where businesses had to be bailed out and workers laid off by the hundreds.

Then the worst part, I went to jail for threats I made over the phone. It wasn't that bad, but I spent two months behind bars. That's when you know how it feels to be up and down. All problems hit me from all sides with no end in sight. The depression sets in.

And when I thought I was starting a new life, my girlfriend left me. I have a criminal record, I missed three good opportunities when they did my background check just before I was offered the job. Not forgetting that my 401k disappeared, returned to my parents and I have no unemployment income.
OR
That's when I realized that life is not about making money and having friends or traveling or having a large bank account. I realized what it feels like to be poor like so many people around us that we don't see. The homeless people living in cartons, the things we have that we take for granted, how prison food seems to taste so good because you have no other choice. And yes, I used to split my pepsi and make a bottle last at least three days. In prison, candy and soda chips are cash, so you protect your candy just like you would real money.

Above all, I learned that it was not so good after all. When I thought that the only thing left for me was to ask for help and believe in a higher power, everything changed in an instant! Things started to go in my favor. Good things started to happen on their own, as if someone were making them happen. Then I began to share what little I have with those in need at every opportunity I can. Because now I know what it feels like to be in their place.

I'm still an accountant now, but I chose to work for a non-profit organization that helps underprivileged children get the same quality education as most and prepare them for college. It is nothing like what I was doing before, but seeing these children's faces in decent classrooms, great teachers, healthy meals, and seeing that there is hope in their eyes is priceless. Now I have a purpose in life and little by little I am rebuilding my new me.

I only have one piece of advice, you have to believe that there is a God. Believe me, there is. All you need to do is ask. Trust me. Will I stake my life on my faith? Not before. Now, yes I will. The irony is that I am not even a religious person.

I am 40 years old. When I was 36 I had just become single, unemployed, depressed, miserable, debt free, but I spent the next 20 months of my life depleting my savings looking for a job and trying to stay sane. It was my darkest hours when I had no idea what to do with my life and sometimes seriously debated whether to jump off a bridge with a stone tied to my feet.

I'm 40 now. I have a great job, a great place to live, a great girl, great friends, fun hobbies, more money in my bank now than I was when I was 36 and in better health and shape than before.

If you need hope, let me

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I am 40 years old. When I was 36 I had just become single, unemployed, depressed, miserable, debt free, but I spent the next 20 months of my life depleting my savings looking for a job and trying to stay sane. It was my darkest hours when I had no idea what to do with my life and sometimes seriously debated whether to jump off a bridge with a stone tied to my feet.

I'm 40 now. I have a great job, a great place to live, a great girl, great friends, fun hobbies, more money in my bank now than I was when I was 36 and in better health and shape than before.

If you need hope, let me tell you that LIFE CAN BE BETTER. The light at the end of the tunnel is not always an oncoming train, but the tunnel can be very long and very dark with many dead ends. It may take you some time to find your way out.

The secret to staying sane, which I discovered AFTER I got a job, was the importance of having something to look forward to on a routine basis. The people who have unlimited options with their time are likely to be the most miserable. If I had committed to going to the gym every day, signed up for some kind of class with social activity, I would have been more ahead and happier. Social isolation will kill you very slowly until one day you wake up and don't have the confidence to interact with another human being.

The longer you are off the grid, the more likely you are to meet and associate with people who are stuck in an even bigger rut. Avoid them like the plague, no matter how insensitive it sounds, even if it sounds like a contradiction to what I said earlier about social interaction.

The problem with being 40 is that it's hard to meet people socially at this age, and you're probably out of the mind to hang out in bars, which can get pretty depressing when you see the kinds of people who still hang out in bars. pubs. At your age

Find a weekly hobby that you have to commit to for several weeks at a time, that is progressive (has levels), and requires you to interact socially for extended periods of time, whether you like it or not. It could be a dance class, an improv class, a culinary school, a team sport, etc. You'll feel like a stranger when you start out, but once you start seeing the same people over and over again, it will feel more normal.

As long as you feel like you are making progress in some way and have some kind of interaction with normal human beings, you will be less depressed compared to staying home and browsing internet job boards every day wondering when that interview is coming. on.

Amazing tactics ... on paper

Many of the answers here are amazing tactics. However, haven't you tried doing things like that before and failed?

Isn't it true that we all know what to do, but still don't do anything?

The truth is that we do not need more knowledge and more information, we need the formula that allows us to act.

So the critical question to
ask yourself is: What if you just don't feel like it?

  • What if you don't want to be grateful?
  • What if you don't feel like volunteering?
  • What if you feel lazy or depressed or sad or hopeless or whatever, then what?

We need a way to substantiate

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Amazing tactics ... on paper

Many of the answers here are amazing tactics. However, haven't you tried doing things like that before and failed?

Isn't it true that we all know what to do, but still don't do anything?

The truth is that we do not need more knowledge and more information, we need the formula that allows us to act.

So the critical question to
ask yourself is: What if you just don't feel like it?

  • What if you don't want to be grateful?
  • What if you don't feel like volunteering?
  • What if you feel lazy or depressed or sad or hopeless or whatever, then what?

We need a fundamental way to take control of ourselves and direct ourselves.

You see, it's like everyone is teaching you all these cool tricks you can do with a skateboard and all the cool places you can skate, but you can't even stand on a skateboard without falling.

  1. So why do we fail?
  2. Why do we get stuck?
  3. Why don't we act and do the things that we know we should do?


The great myth


It usually takes someone a lifetime to find out, and most people don't.

It explains why we fail and how some people achieve incredible success while others struggle to get out of their basement.

The great myth of life is that we can control ourselves.
That we are running the show.

In reality, self-control is one of life's greatest illusions.
And the faster you realize it, the faster you can have a great life.

The truth that neuroscience is beginning to discover is that there is no such thing as self-control.

All of our behavior, 100%, is subconscious.

The subconscious mind decides and acts.
Our conscious mind simply rationalizes.

A powerful mind

  • I mean, think about it, did you choose to be broke, friendless, and live with your parents?
  • Did you make those choices consciously?


Didn't you always know how to make friends, save money, and have a better life?

If someone had come to you and asked,
"What are 3 little things I can do to save money, have more friends, and move out on my own?"

You would have found very good answers!
And if I couldn't, I'd do a Google search and find it.
And help them!

So you already have the ability and the ability to transform yourself, you just don't do it because it's not what your subconscious mind wants.

So who runs your life?


You did not consciously create your situation. How could you?
It is simply your subconscious mind responding in the best way it knows how.

Your subconscious mind actually believes that you are doing the most adaptive thing and maximizing your chances of survival.

The reality is that your subconscious mind has received a great deal of misinformation and created a distorted view of the world.

The biggest danger you face today is that you will continue to behave in exactly the same way unless you change your subconscious programming.

We influence each other, but we cannot control it.

Neuroscience today is teaching us that we cannot directly control our subconscious mind.

In a way, the subconscious mind is a separate creature. It is like having a pet dog that lives inside your mind.

You can communicate with it, but you can't control it.

So if you can't control yourself, how will you get out of this hell you're in?
How do you do it?
How do you stop failing and start winning?

Let's find out.

A thought experiment


Imagine for a second that you discover that you have a mind control chip in your mind and that all your actions have been controlled by your neighbor, a robot named John.

John says it's a government-issued robot to help you.
John walks up to you and shows you the equipment and explains why he did it.

John is quite convincing.
John says that he has your best interests in mind and shows you the logic behind all his actions.
John says he really wants to help you. Know that you are not happy with your situation.

John says he can't remove the mind control chip or let you operate it (since that wouldn't work)

But John says he can listen to you, evaluate what you're saying, and if it makes sense, he'll change your programming.


John says he will meet with you every day to discuss your schedule with you and, if it makes sense to him, make changes that will help you reach your goals faster.

John is real and that's the new name for your subconscious mind.

If you want to change, you must become an amazing friend to John and start influencing him.

You must become an influential teacher over John because he literally controls your destiny.

How to influence John and unlock your destiny


John, your subconscious mind, is much more primitive than your conscious mind.

John, in a way, is like a child.
For him, the world is very black and white, it is good or bad.
Things are good or bad.

John is always guiding you to stay away from things that ** he believes ** will cause you pain and into things that cause you pleasure.

John makes associations. Whenever 2 things happen at the same time, they are linked. It does not matter that.

If you drink orange juice and listen to a song. The next time you hear that song, John presses a button and it reminds you of orange juice.

John is basically a massive association machine.

Your goal then is to get John to press different buttons and perform different actions.

So after all this, you say
"Wow Mike, this is all amazing. I had never thought of it this way. You know ... one of the best tips I got here was to start volunteering."

How can I convince John that volunteering is wonderful to schedule me to do it regularly? I think I can change my life that way. "

Excellent idea! Let us begin.

The conversation that changed your life

At this point, you sit down and meet John and say,
"Hey John, I want to start volunteering, let me do that!"

John looks at you blankly.
John simply has no association for volunteering.
Plus, it will take all this time, energy, and focus, and we all know how valuable they are.

John finally says "Hmm, I don't think that's the best idea, maybe later."
... and ends there.

Or does it?
Remember how we said John is a conditioning machine?

So all we have to do is convince John that
volunteering = massive pleasure if I do it AND massive pain if I don't.

Think about it. If you were trying to convince someone to volunteer, what would you do?
Well, what do advertisers do?
For example, Apple, how do you get millions of people to buy your products?

They show you how wonderful it is.

So you start saying to John:
Wait a second John, all these new discoveries about volunteering will be amazing to me.

Did you know John that volunteering regularly will significantly increase my life expectancy?
Has volunteering been shown to reduce depression by 67%?
That means I will be much happier and more energetic!


People really, really need me

  • There are lonely and sad old men.
  • They are alone, they have no family to visit, and they have to grow old in a lonely place.
  • There are abandoned cats and dogs and other animals that have no one to take care of them other than me.
  • There are children who long for a mentor or teacher who makes a difference in their life.

  • I can be a spark of hope for them.
  • I can really make your life make sense.
  • I can even help them live longer.



John, did you know that Victor Frankl, the Austrian psychologist who was in the concentration camp, saw that the people who survived were the ones who made sense? Those who had hope?

That when people lost hope in the concentration camp, did they die? Seriously, John.


John, if I can volunteer, I can save someone's life.
How important would that be?
What could be more important than saving someone's life?
And I can do all of that by volunteering!

I can volunteer in many ways.
I can help older people.
People in a situation similar to mine.
I can help poor cats and dogs at the animal shelter.
I can help children and be their mentor and teach them the life lessons that I have learned.
I can volunteer abroad and help disadvantaged people.

Also, imagine how much better I will feel!
I will greatly increase my ability to act and improve my life and the lives of others.


I can even make friends and learn things.
What better place than volunteering to meet compassionate and caring people?
I can even find a romantic partner! Remember, John, that's part of your mission, to help me spread my genes!

John, this will be an incredible use of my time and energy.
In fact, I can't think of a better use of my time right now.

John, let's do this.
I think I love volunteering. Doing so will be enormously good and fun. And if I don't, it will mean terrible suffering for me and the people I don't help.
Volunteering will save my life.
I'm convinced. Now dial the numbers and let's start volunteering today! "

Wow. After that, now I'm looking forward to volunteering.

Do you see the power of this technology?
When you start to influence your inner robot, John, your subconscious mind, then you will control your life effectively.

If you master this, you will be like the Mongolian nomads who made their horse an extension of their body and could ride in one direction and shoot arrows in another.

Are you ready?


You must act right now.
Right at this very moment.

You see, John is hot. He is excited. You are ready to act.
Don't wait until John forgets all this conversation and has to start over.

I spent over three hours writing this. Just for you, so you can have more in your life. So you can take control and have an amazing life.

How bad do you want it?
Are you going to be John's bitch?
Are you going to let John control you and make the next 40 years of your life the same as the last 40 years?

Or are you going to be the fittest, baddest 80-year-old on the block who has legendary stories to tell?

You posted on Quora for a reason, and it's because you wanted to change your life.

Here it is. The UPS guy has arrived, all you have to do is sign the package and get started.

Say: Listen John!

1) Get me a sheet of paper.

2) Write who I want to help more:

  • Kids?
  • The old people?
  • Companions?
  • Dogs? Cats

Brainstorm for a minute or two

3) Choose your main areas and do a Google search
"Volunteer X in My area"

4) Then say,
"Okay John, we checked out a few places, this seems like a great start! Let's call first and get started. We'll give it a try and if I don't like it, I'll do it." I'll try something else, but for now we're calling right now. "


5) Pick up the phone and dial.

6) Celebrate, because now you and John can be friends and are creating a wonderful life and an amazing future :)


If this was helpful to you, please share this message so that it not only helps you, but can find your way with others who are feeling stuck and desperately wanting to find a way out.

First, take an inventory. Every situation is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution for all those seeking to improve their situation.

Many years ago, I found myself locked in my house under the color of the judicial process, with almost everything that I had locked up inside by the powers that be. Furthermore, I was self-employed and all the tools of my trade were in the possession of my separate landlord, so for all practical purposes I was unemployed. I had the clothes I was wearing, my car, and a small number of items that were with me when the door was closed on me. Things went away

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First, take an inventory. Every situation is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution for all those seeking to improve their situation.

Many years ago, I found myself locked in my house under the color of the judicial process, with almost everything that I had locked up inside by the powers that be. Furthermore, I was self-employed and all the tools of my trade were in the possession of my separate landlord, so for all practical purposes I was unemployed. I had the clothes I was wearing, my car, and a small number of items that were with me when the door was closed on me. Things went from bad to worse as I quickly depleted my cash and credit reserves trying to remedy my situation through legal process, which turned out to be silly. In short, I lost everything and my landlord obtained a judgment against me for attorney's fees after years of litigation. Speaking in practical terms,

Since then, I have come to realize that this type of situation is much more common than most people think, and there is a staggering lack of sympathy from third parties who are too eager to "blame the victim." Consequently, I began to develop a still emerging strategy on how to deal with situations like this. As it is now, all the lawsuits against me have expired, I have restored my credit, I have a lot of cash and investments, and I have contingency plans to overcome an orderly withdrawal and regroup if I ever find myself in a situation similar again.

I am comforted by the fact that they left me with only enough resources to be able to make a comeback. Many people are knocked down so hard that they can never get back up. They are quickly forgotten by their family, friends, and society in general. If they are reminded, their difficulties are but a warning to tell.

Looking at the very sparse facts that you offered with regard to your situation, I am impressed by the fact that you actually have a place to live. Through no fault of their own, many people don’t – witness my predicament as set forth above. And when you don’t have a place to live, your ability to stage a comeback is very limited by what can only be described as a “pressing need.” Assuming that you have food to eat, and clothes to wear, you should consider yourself very fortunate. Through no fault of their own, many people don’t. And when you don’t have food to eat or clothes to wear, your ability to stage a comeback is very limited by these pressing needs.

As I am wont to remind myself on a daily basis, being unemployed is not unlike being self-employed, and vice-versa. In both instances, assuming you have a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear, your most pressing need is how to generate revenue. Every day. Even a minimum wage job will provide that, although there are some jobs that are so physically demanding or morally degrading that it is better to just keep looking. What you can’t do when you are broke is turn down paying work that is “beneath you.” Even the most accomplished individual must be prepared to perform modest, humble service when the situation calls for it.

At the end of the work day, count your pennies rather than spending them, and start thinking about your next job. That is to say, being able to live within your means is the first and hardest lesson of success, and some people never learn it. With money in the bank, you can choose the kind of work you want to do; without money, you must take whatever work is offered, at whatever rate is offered, and be glad to get it.

With regards to what you want to do with your life once you have the means to do something worthwhile, that is something that only you can answer. However, I can half-heartedly recommend Napoleon Hill’s classic book Think and Grow Rich to help you figure that out. - http://www.soilandhealth.org/03sov/0304spiritpsych/030413.hill.think.and.grow.rich.pdf - It’s very poorly written, with an air of mystique, but it has kernels of wisdom that are undeniably targeted for people who need to discover who they are and what they really want. For people who don’t know where to start, it’s a great way to take inventory.

I wrote the below (my original response) without thinking much about your question. The real problem, I think, is contained in the question:

You describe yourself as:

  • single,
  • unemployed,
  • broke,
  • in debt,
  • living with my parents,
  • about to turn 40,
  • with no friends,
  • depressed and
  • miserable.

... and to paint this basically as a condition of failure, as if all of these things are blatantly bad. (As a point of reference, I just spent a couple of years being self-employed, and only semi-employed at that ... by choice. I needed a break from teaching and wanted to work on my fiction writing. Being unemployed was th

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I wrote the following (my original answer) without giving much thought to your question. The real problem, I think, is contained in the question:

You describe yourself as:

  • single,
  • unemployed,
  • broke,
  • in debt,
  • living with my parents,
  • about to turn 40,
  • with no friends,
  • depressed and
  • miserable.

... and paint this as basically a condition of failure--as if these are all self-evidently bad things. (As a point of reference, I just spent a couple of years self-employed, and only semi-employed at that... by choice. I needed a break from teaching, and wanted to work on my fiction writing. Being unemployed was the dream.)

Anyway, what you're saying, implicitly, is that your picture of life-success is basically (a) a bunch of things you don't have, and (b) a bunch of things you learned are "normal" and want because "normal people" are supposed to want them.

What that is, is a received picture of success. That's not your picture of success. You will not be happy until you start pursuing your own picture of success. (Which is why there re planet of people unhappily married, miserably employed, who have their own place and hate it, who are in their 40s and secretly wish they'd done it all differently despite the outward appearance of success. No, really.)

What I think you really need to do is figure out what your own personal vision of success looks like, and don't phrase it in terms of negatives: in other words, you cannot say not-single, not-broke, not-unemployed.You also can't be vague. "Employed" is easy: you could be cleaning toilets someplace or doing gardening work or waking up at 3 am to bake bread everyday. You don't need a PhD, connections, or special skills to get those jobs. Better you ask yourself what you'd like to be employed doing. It is, after all, your only life. You won't get another after this. What you want to spend it doing is a question you need to spend some time with, when you reassess things now.

And I'd urge you to stop thinking about it as "turning your life around" (because it won't look that way at first) and think of it instead as a reassessment, a change in direction. Presumably you've been doing what you can, and will continue, and that's life. If you haven't been doing what you can--and only you know the truth--well, this is what happens. Learn from it. Fight the inertia. There is no secret. Go do something with your life.

As for depression, I don't know if you mean "discouraged" (everyone goes through that) or clinically depressed (not everyone does). If it's the former, well, yeah. You're in a depressing situation. Of course you're miserable, anyone would be. These are not essential, they're situational. Do what the guy who had a stroke does: take one step at a time, focus on the process, get a clear goal and keep it in mind. Your goal will probably change, that's fine. If you mean clinically depressed, though, I'd seek whatever treatment you can get. The condition of depression leads to self-sabotage and so on.

Alright, now my earlier response, about teaching in Asia.

****

Anonymous suggested teaching in Asia.

I'd consider that suggestion carefully. Going to Asia to teach English does help some people snap out of their short-term economic problems--especially if you're willing to work extra on the side and if you're clever enough to be good at living on very little and paying down your debts. Asia is full of expat English teachers who are paying off debts and pulling themselves out of the hole.

However, it's not a panacea: it can also be a trap for people who don't have time/money management skills, or who are dealing with unaddressed depression, or people who're just sort of caught in inertia and don't know what to do next. (Your case sounds like a combination of those, so...)

Which is to say, Asia's also full of expats who have all the same kinds of problems you have, who actually left their home countries trying to get away from those same problems, except wherever you are, there you are--and so are your unddressed problems, too. In Asia, you can still get a Mickey Mouse job that brings in enough money to get (or live alright, for the moment) despite those unaddressed problems... but it's not like a get out of jail free card.

Depending on where you go in Asia, you will probably have even less control over aspects of your life than you might expect. For example, in Korea you'd likely be given either a tiny one-room apartment owned by your boss, or tossed in with a Western roommate with whom you may or may not be at all compatible. There are plenty of nightmare stories of the latter online.

If you have no experience teaching English, it will be a bit of a learning curve (though yes, it's still possible to get a job like that with no little or no experience... for now, anyway, and though yes, there are institutions where even terrible teachers can get by without being fired for a year or more).

On top of that, there's a major learning curve involved in adjusting to and learning to live in another country, especially one where a foreign language is spoken. If you're feeling up for (a) learning the rudiments of a very foreign language, or (b) feeling helplessly out of control of your life in new and unfamiliar ways. (Which can be refreshing, but can also be frustrating. Mostly it's the latter.)

Then there's adapting to the local bugs (ie. I'm unusual, but I got serious, weeks-long bouts of food poisoning several times my first year in Asia, and didn't feel properly adjusted until about six months in), and dealing the frustrations of living in foreign culture, including being the target of occasional xenophobia, again, depending where you are, but mainly in terms of the general difficulty of things that were trivially easy back home: how to arrange bill payments? Where can I buy shoes in my size? Why do ATMs stop working at midnight? Where can I buy deodorant? Why can't I access the free wifi using my foreigner ID? How do I tell the slightly mafioso-seeming cabbie he's going the wrong way without driving him into a frenzy of rage?.

All that, while far, far away from all your friends & family, though at least these days there's the net. But the net doesn't really totally eliminate the distance. In a real and very powerful sense you will be alone in the world for a while; you'll make friends, but they're a revolving door and, really, the world of expats in Asia seems to have a higher proportion of broken people with serious problems, and that's probably the last group of people you need to be around while trying to get your life on track.

So the experience is not for everyone, is what I'm saying: some thrive, and others are embittered and damaged by it. And many of those who are embittered and damaged ironically end up staying longer, because the same problems and inertia they initially were fleeing caught up with them and locked them in place in their new environs.

Note, also: getting treatment or help for depression (or another mental health issues for that matter) can be much harder in most parts of Asia. (This is perhaps one reason so many expats drink so much.) So if it's possible that it's actually a clinical depression you're dealing with, moving to Asia *might* be indvisable at the moment.

That said, sometimes there's something to be said for taking the risk. I can't tell you what you should do. But if you do consider teaching English in Asia, consider it with open eyes.

Also, I'd say you will need to do some serious research if you're moving into the field of TEFL now. The labour market in this field is slowly shifting, and to be honest I think considering it more than a pit stop for the present is probably a questionable idea unless you actually like it and , that is, you actually seek out proper certification and so on. That's not to say you couldn't do a couple of years of English teaching to pull yourself out of the hole--but you need to go with a plan (even if it's just a plan to make as much money as you can and get yourself out of debt as soon as possible), and not let yourself be drawn down one of the many routes to self-destruction available to expats...

All of which is to say: teaching in Asia might be a viable solution to your economic and job-experience woes. To sort out your life, will take effort... and possibly more effort on the other side of the world in an "easy" industry to coast within. But you may be able to make a go of it. People do. Just don't mistake the move for an escape from (or a fix for) the problems that have led you to where you are now.

I'm similar to you right now. I'm 41, have an Associate's Degree


and several trade certifications

And yet here I am working very low-paying jobs, one of which I got fired because I wasn't fast enough on an assembly line, and I got fired from another mediocre job. For a time I even struggled to get a mediocre job and was about to do something I thought I would never have to consider: apply for public assistance funds. I almost lost my home due to taxes and my utilities were almost cut off quite often. I myself am quite lonely since the month

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I am similar to you right now. I am 41 years old, I have an associate degree


and various commercial certifications

, and yet here I am working very low-paying jobs, one of which I had gotten fired from because I wasn't fast enough on an assembly line, and I just got laid off from another mediocre job. For a while I even struggled to get a mediocre job, and I came close to doing something I thought I would never have to consider, applying for public assistance funds. I almost lost my house due to taxes, and I've come close to having my utilities turned off quite frequently. I'm pretty much alone myself since most of my family and closest friends (true friends) have passed away.

I get around this by trying to think ahead. I figure that sooner or later I'll finally land an interview that'll get me working in my regular field again. I don't want to move because I already have a house, and the crime rate is low and the cost of living


is relatively cheap, but I've still considered it since companies out of my area seem interested in my background.

I'm not sure what to tell you since I don't know your exact details. I guess that I never gave up hope, but I was thankful that I had my mom and sister to help me. The key for me was to never stop trying, but I'm still in a rut myself currently. I know of others around your age who are similar, and living with their parents. The job market sucks, and employers appear to be either horribly picky, have unrealistic expectations, ineffective hiring procedures or have incompetent hiring staff. Many companies don't want to pay a decent wage for a skilled job so they're either hiring regular joes with a very limited background or kids right out of trade/technical school

.

(Note: response

edited after reading several of these posts here).

I feel I needed to add that depression is a very serious and physical-based illness. If depression is what got the person asking this in his current predicament to begin with, new age babble and self-help talking points are not going to help him, but only exacerbate his condition. The nature of depression, and some other mental illnesses, is such that even when people are aware of what their 'faults' are, and the consequences of these, nevertheless, they'll 'allow' everything to fall apart anyways. You see, this is the nature of mental illness, and why the victim shaming card coming from new age positive bullies or conservative macho talk is almost never effective.

This is coming from someone who's suffered from severe bouts of depression themselves. The OP probably needs an effective medication first of all, then he needs to feel better about himself by becoming more dependent. You're not going to love others until you love yourself. By taking care of his own needs first, with the help of effective medication, he can probably be in a better position to help others then. He needs to tackle his depression through medication first, and then feel good about himself by having his own income.

First, I shall assume that you are depressed in the general sense of the term, not clinically depressed. If that is not so, get professional help. Until you get a grip on clinical depression it's practically impossible to move forward, as the first thing you need to fix is your attitude.

At this moment you may think that you are already 40 years old, but it is better to see it as you are still 40 years old. The US government considers 67 years the normal retirement age, and the CDC estimates the average life expectancy at 78. That means you still have 27 years before you can quit smoking, and 3

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First, I will assume that you are depressed in the general sense of the term, not clinically depressed. If not, seek professional help. Until clinical depression sets in, it is virtually impossible to move on as the first thing to correct is your attitude.

At this moment you may think that you are already 40 years old, but it's better to see it as you are still 40 years old. The U.S. government considers 67 as the normal retirement age, and the CDC calculates the average life expectancy at 78. That means you still have 27 years before you can call it quits, and 38 years before you really quit. This year is the first of those 38 years, and aside from your debt you have no kid, spouse, or other major obligations. What are you going to do with those years?

Forget everybody else and how comfy their lives may look. A third of working adults don't earn enough to make any retirement saving, i.e. they are living paycheck-to-paycheck, thus one paycheck away from broke. They say misery loves company, take some comfort in the fact that you have lots of company.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/shocking-number-of-americans-have-no-retirement-savings/

About your debt, use your free time to research about the best ways to handle it. Since you are smart enough to use Quora, you should be smart enough to learn about the FDCPA, the FCRA, etc. If you are dealing with harassing debt collectors, there are forums out there discussing the legal methods to handle them.

With your debt under control, you are starting with food on the table and a roof over your head. Two other valuable things you have: a fixed address and a phone number. With these you can start applying and taking jobs. The economy has begun to pick up, and finding jobs are finally getting easier. Having a job means you're no longer (completely) broke. Once you have a little more breathing room financially, you can start learning a new skill, then improve upon it. If you're a college grad, perhaps it's time to refresh what you learned and begin finding jobs in that area. If you have never been to college, then this would be as good a time as any to plan for it.

The most important thing: start doing something.

Has chocado contra una pared. Si no hace nada, la pared no desaparece sin más. Debe encontrar una manera de pasar por encima, alrededor, por debajo o a través de él. La palabra clave es buscar, y para tu muro en particular solo tú puedes hacerlo.

Buena suerte.

You are one step away from committing suicide. You are standing on the edge of a big hole. You need very bad counseling. There are debt counseling services that will pay your bills for you. You can automate all your bill payment. You can file for bankruptcy, but you still don't have access to credit for 10 years. I filed for bankruptcy. It was not funny. You need a job, go out and find one. Join the Army, Foreign Legion, The Peace Corp. 40 is a difficult time. It is the moment of the midlife crisis when you do Pease with your creator, you are thinking about your quality of life, your values, putting your house i

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You are one step away from committing suicide. You are standing on the edge of a big hole. You need counseling real bad. There are debt counseling services that will pay your bills for you. You can automate all your bill payment. You can declare bankruptcy, but you still not have access to credit for 10 years. I declared bankruptcy. It was not fun.. You need a job, go out and find one. Go join the Army, Foreign Legion, The Peace Corp. 40 it's a tough age.It's mid-life crisis time when you make Pease with your maker, you're thinking about your quality off life, your.values, putting your house in order. It's. “Y” in the road. If you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, money, gambling; I encourage you to go to 12 step programs. If you don't, you have 4 choices, e.g., death, jail, insanity, and always pick recovery. I've seen some / heard terrible stuff from GA , AA members. I guarantee your life will get worse unless you get counseling from a psychologist, minister, 12 step member who may be your sponsor, Armed Forces Recruiters, your parents. You don't need to borrow any more money. You need a job. Your job done with the spirit of prayer, is your prayer to God. If you don't have any education our training, your state might be able to provide some.There's JobCorp, there's Kelly Services. Who is the MOST GREAT MOTIVATOR? God. It's time to get a God in your life. It sounds like you've been raped financially pretty bad. The casinos are vacuum cleaners, they have one purpose, comp you, addict you, and suck you dry of your money, friends, peeling you like an onion. Your emotions are raw. You are nervous, no patients, no friends, no money; completely sucked dry. Well my friend, I've seen and heard worse. I've been homeless, finally got a car, got a piece of junky home I gutted while living in it. I lost money on it, but it made a man out of me. A lot of women will marry you quick, have a kid, divorce you, and you'ld be paying child support till they are 18, so feel good you don't babe that worry. Good will put people in your life, some for a short time and some the rest of your life. So, be thankful and thank the Lord every day for your good physical health. Your GRATITUDE IS YOUR ALTITUDE!!

I shared some of the problems mentioned. Last year I was laid off. It sure was a jolt. I had worked for the employer that fired me for more than 10 years. I was married and had a very supportive wife and family. That helped me. Still, he was a unique income provider, with 4 children and a bank account showing 2 months since financial demise.

Over the course of the next 8 months, I applied for 140 jobs, got 25-40 first-level interviews, 15 or more second- or third-level interviews, and finally 10 job offers. Note that, strictly speaking, I only had a 5-6% success rate when landing job offers (10 out of

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I shared some of the problems mentioned. Last year I was laid off. It sure was a jolt. I had worked for the employer that fired me for more than 10 years. I was married and had a very supportive wife and family. That helped me. Still, he was a unique income provider, with 4 children and a bank account showing 2 months since financial demise.

Over the course of the next 8 months I applied for 140 jobs, got about 25-40 first level interviews, 15 or so second or third level ones, and eventually 10 job offers. Notice that strictly speaking I only had about a 5-6% success rate getting job offers (10 offers / 140 applied). These were highly relevant jobs, too, matching my experience very well.

But, I did get those job offers and I some were very good. Also, some of the contacts turned into consulting ventures, which I still devote some moonlighting time to today, still being full-time employed. So, between getting rehired and doing some work on my own I was actually better off financially within a year of when I was layed off. That, of course, is not the ultimate measure of success but is worth noting that it is possible.

I think it is a result of some luck but mostly my questioning the boundaries of what I could do and bravely embarking on new journeys. Every morning I would look at myself in the mirror and sarcastically say "this could be the best thing that ever happened to me." Then, I would have a laugh and push on. Funny thing is, after a few weeks I started to believe it. My old job seemed less and less suited to me and new opportunities began to take on more excitement. I also began some creative ventures (some art, writing a book, etc.) during the time I was out of a job. None of those panned out as great successes so far, but they certainly gave me purpose and goals. My soccer group on Meetup (.com) was also very helpful. I just ramped up the soccer games and talked a little about my struggles with my team members. I would suggest joining or starting a meetup group to anyone who wants to explore new things.

Weird side-note--I also lost 20 lbs of pure body fat in that time. I just did a little more exercise because it burned up the stress. Then, I started doing push-ups, core exercises, biceps curls, pull-ups, etc., once an hour for 1-2 minutes with two co-workers at my new work, as I was able. 6 months of that gave us all significant strength gains, vitality, and more feelings of being "the man," I suppose I could say, risking sounding like total dork. This taking charge attitude helps in random ways. Who exercises for 1-2 minutes per hour at a new job? Seems kind of weird. But, the other day, I shoveled 10,000 lbs of snow in one hour completely by hand (no snow blower) and didn't suffer any back pain, etc. That's amazing to me, and I believe only possible due to my 15-20 minutes per day of strengthening exercises.

Because of the experience (the only non-voluntary job loss of my life) I now have more empathy for people. I have grown up as a human.

I like Gene Khalyapin's answer best, for the story, that's probably the solution you are looking for. The attitude, staying positive ... yeah right ... when you're depressed that's impossible. You must first get out of depression.

To eliminate depression almost instantly, HELP ANYONE YOUR PEOPLE.

I myself experienced unemployment, homelessness and no money as a foreigner for 6 months in New York until I finally got a job and started my own business 4 months later.

What I did in these 6 months ... I don't remember everything, because every day was very different. If you saw me on the street

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I like Gene Khalyapin's answer best, for the story, that's probably the solution you are looking for. The attitude, staying positive ... yeah right ... when you're depressed that's impossible. You must first get out of depression.

To eliminate depression almost instantly, HELP ANYONE YOUR PEOPLE.

I myself experienced unemployment, homelessness and no money as a foreigner for 6 months in New York until I finally got a job and started my own business 4 months later.

What I did within these 6 months... I do not remember everything, because everyday was very different. If you seen me on the street of NYC during that period you would not have guessed I was broke and homeless. I had a cell phone and a little suitcase with my powerbook in it... that was it. I was walking around and noticing people that would need help with something, decorating a store, setting up a stage, looking to buy foreign food, needing a quick design for something I could do on the spot with my computer. And everytime, the person would take me to lunch or offer me a hotdog or a sandwich at Starbucks. We would talk about their problems. I would never mention about my own stuff. Sometime I would become a shrink, sometime a cook at their home with the food I suggested them to buy. Some would offer me a place to stay at night, sometime I would hang in an office building I had been invited in to help and sleep on an arrangement of chairs and cleaning myself in the bathroom at 6am in the morning. Of course, some really nice and incredible stories happened. Bottom line: I could eat everyday well and I always had a roof on my head (winter and spring time).

But most importantly, I met, talked with, learn from people every single day. I was stressed out by my situation, not knowing where I would sleep that day or what/when I would eat... but I was far from depressed because I was focusing on others problems, not mine.

How I got my job? I got a phone call from someone I did not know asking me to come over for an opportunity. I talked to them, showed my stuff and gave me the job on the spot. To this day I still don't know who recommended me... but it is certainly one the hundred of people I helped during these 6 months.

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