I am 29 years old. I have the feeling that the best years of my life are behind me. How can I get over this?

Updated on : December 7, 2021 by Misael Baldwin



I am 29 years old. I have the feeling that the best years of my life are behind me. How can I get over this?

I read your question and you know I was thinking like that until a few months ago. About me, I am a 30 year old woman and I work as a government employee. I got this job right after finishing college. I never wanted to join, but had to because of family pressure. I kept working hard to achieve my dream even with little support from my family. fell in love that ended in a bad breakup. My family engaged me, but the engagement was broken in a month as the guy was abusive and had told lies about his grade and his job. after that the worst phase began. I started to get sick frequently, I found out

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I read your question and you know I was thinking like that until a few months ago. About me, I am a 30 year old woman and I work as a government employee. I got this job right after finishing college. I never wanted to join, but had to because of family pressure. I kept working hard to achieve my dream even with little support from my family. fell in love that ended in a bad breakup. My family engaged me, but the engagement was broken in a month as the guy was abusive and had told lies about his grade and his job. after that the worst phase began. I started to get sick frequently, I got depressed, I lost so much weight that I started to look almost like a skeleton, this with my family treating me like an enemy. This went on for almost a year and a half. But then I started to take control of my life I took care of my health and I got up again to fight for my dreams and for myself. what caused this change in me ...

Realization: change happens when you realize that something is not really right with your current situation. when you know the reason for this, you can only work on it. First see what makes you unhappy about your current situation.

stop comparing: why man? Why do you compare your life with that of your friends? we are all different, different families, different habits, and different options. And these are our choices that are responsible for our current situation. Instead of comparing your life with that of others, compare it with the life you have always wanted, how different it is and why.

About love: no, I won't say those cliche words like your parents always love you unconditionally. although I hope you have a loving family. We are all looking for someone to love and hug. always be there for us. But trust me, more than any kind of love you need self-love. love yourself, respect yourself, don't run after those who reject you. people have different tastes not only for things, but people also try to understand this about others. love is not something to beg or force.

career: "if you don't like where you are, move on you're not a tree." If you don't like your job or where you work, why don't you change your job or place? You know there are so many things going for you first you are a boy. yeah, you read that correctly, being a boy is a big deal. Unlike me, you can travel alone and stay in any city without your family creating scenes. Also, you are single and you do not have to worry about spending time or money with your girlfriend, wife or children. use that time on your personal growth.

ekala chalo re: there is a difference between loneliness and loneliness. loneliness feels like a burden, but loneliness takes the burden off your heart. the truth is that most of us are alone. people feel lonely in a relationship or with friends. in fact, people are with you only as long as you do what is convenient for them. Once you decide to do otherwise, no matter what you are doing is fair and correct, they will leave you alone. learn to be happy with yourself as this is the person you are going to spend your whole life with.

this answer has gotten too long, but if it helps you, its purpose is served. life is really very fair. it always gives us options, there is always a way out. But those options and ways are not always easy. most of the time they need us to step out of our comfort zone and show a great degree of courage, which we cannot.

I am writing my suggestions on each and every thing you mentioned.

  1. "I have an above-average IQ, an MBA (top 20 colleges of higher education), and I work in a small city. ---> if the problem is a small city, then it is entirely up to you to change this
  2. Stuck in a mediocre job that has no growth -> this can also be changed with efforts that will be easier than the pain you might feel with smoking habits.
  3. but decent pay. All my colleagues have jobs that are better and pay double my salary. "---> stop comparing yourself to others, everyone is born with uniqueness and focus better on how you can be better in your UN.
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I am writing my suggestions on each and every thing you mentioned.

  1. "I have an above-average IQ, an MBA (top 20 colleges of higher education), and I work in a small city. ---> if the problem is a small city, then it is entirely up to you to change this
  2. Stuck in a mediocre job that has no growth -> this can also be changed with efforts that will be easier than the pain you might feel with smoking habits.
  3. but decent pay. All my colleagues have jobs that are better and pay double my salary. "---> Stop comparing yourself to others, everyone is born with uniqueness and focus better on how you can be better in your uniqueness
  4. I feel eternally sad that I did not live up to anyone's expectations. I could not even live up to my own expectations .--> if you know what you expect of yourself, you have to stand firm and make it possible, otherwise there are many who end their lives giving reasons for everything they could do, at least trying it will make you not achieve exactly what you want exactly, but something similar, which will definitely make you feel happy with yourself.
  5. I've never been in a relationship and I've never been loved. He had 2 major unrequited love failures. It was hideously divided into friend zones by one another. This girl from the friend zone hurts even more. I can hardly sleep or concentrate on anything. -> First of all stop running after love, you will not achieve it this way, if you do the things indicated above (1 to 4), you will begin to like ourselves, and once we begin to love ourselves, the love is easy to achieve.
  6. I can hardly sleep or concentrate on anything. Now I have become a chain smoker. I know I'm killing myself, but I can't stop myself. -> Smoking will give you pleasure temporarily, but if you start working on yourself, you will get results permanently.
  7. I'm an introvert and just can't socialize beyond my limited circle. ---> okay, you don't need to talk to everyone, it will make sense if you are around those who can make your time worthwhile, and you won't find those people by searching, it will automatically happen again once you start living life in a meaningful way.

If you still can't motivate yourself, think, will you spend your whole life regretting these things? Or are you trying to do something that might not help you, but the world around you, that could add value to your life here? If it is not for yourself, you live for others and you will realize that life is so easy when you start living with this attitude.

You can even read the Mahabharata or look at it in some way, not to entertain yourself, to know the essence of life and your responsibility to make it worthwhile and to know the best way to handle it.

First of all, do me a favor and slap me. Go ahead, do it. The future 'You' would want you to.

I'm not going to lecture you "Your life is much better than many others." Why? Because whether you like it or not, you are where you are because you have chosen to be there, whether you realize it or not. Do you want your life back? Do you feel like a loser? So why not do something about it?

I'll tell you why. You don't want it enough. You really agree with losing, with disappointing people because really caring for and trying to reclaim your life would imply getting out of

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First of all, do me a favor and slap me. Go ahead, do it. The future 'You' would want you to.

I'm not going to lecture you "Your life is much better than many others." Why? Because whether you like it or not, you are where you are because you have chosen to be there, whether you realize it or not. Do you want your life back? Do you feel like a loser? So why not do something about it?

I'll tell you why. You don't want it enough. You really agree with losing, with disappointing people because really taking care of and trying to get your life back would mean stepping out of your comfort zone and risking failure.

You are so afraid of failing that you are not even trying. So slap yourself every time you are afraid of losing at something and go ahead and do it anyway. Life could surprise you.

The people here before me have given you practical solutions to your smoking and self-esteem issues. All I have to say is that once you orient yourself to get your life back, you will be amazed at how things will happen by chance - you will meet someone / something that will bring you closer to your goals.

Good luck. And FIGHT, don't give up!

IQ can only measure your intellect. Mostly it is MQ, where M is memory.


Intelligence is about acting wisely in the present. Learn to live with what we have, here, now, in this moment.


Stuck in a mediocre job, no. You are not. You have a choice. Whether it's to get up every day and get on with work, he doesn't like it. Or better yet, turn the tables and follow what this heart has to say. It's your choice. Only yours. What is it that you would like to do, what is it that interests you, what is it that keeps you going, keeps you crazy, makes your life a joyous journey. Do that.


Stuck, you are not. Your ego

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IQ can only measure your intellect. Mostly it is MQ, where M is memory.


Intelligence is about acting wisely in the present. Learn to live with what we have, here, now, in this moment.


Stuck in a mediocre job, no. You are not. You have a choice. Whether it's to get up every day and get on with work, he doesn't like it. Or better yet, turn the tables and follow what this heart has to say. It's your choice. Only yours. What is it that you would like to do, what is it that interests you, what is it that keeps you going, keeps you crazy, makes your life a joyous journey. Do that.


Stuck, you are not. You go with the flow. You have gotten used to it. You are ignoring your potential, your confidence. That is already there.


All your colleagues are doing well, because they are not compared, like you. Don't compare yourself to the other. Not even with your peers, parents, family or anyone considered an idol. Not one. Leave that. Without comparison. Comparison only makes things worse. You won't get anywhere with this kind of attitude. Comparison is something you have to give up entirely. Do not compare. What's best for you, work on it. Just do that. You don't need to compare, measure, or enjoy a level of satisfaction across other successes, failures, and whatever else is being compared.


Expectation. You are not here to please anyone, or anyone. Your friends, family, not even your parents. Leave that. You don't need to live up to the expectations of others. To be blunt, don't set these kinds of goals. Just enjoy the ride. And I don't mean just relaxing with a bucket full of popcorn and a big movie screen to watch. No. I
work. Fail. Succeed. Fail. Succeed. Learn. To accept. Repeat.


Relationships ...
That's where you're stuck. That too, temporarily. Until you, your mind, and your heart agree to stay at it. Love is divine. Love is powerful. But, people knew, if they used me or loved me. People knew when to leave or stay in the relationship. Staying in a relationship, waiting for a change, a better change, in a partner who is selfish, or does not love or is using the other, is silly. The choice is always yours, friend. Rather, the choice is always ours. Whether to stay or get away.


A mind with too many things to ponder will not be able to sleep well. Drop all that. Do not resist. Change what you can, accept what you can't. There is no need to resist, what this life has to offer.


I mean smoke, if that feels good. But there are better ways to express this repression. You could exercise, meditate, run, walk, swim, and more. Keep busy.


Look, you are aware that you are not being good to your body, your mind and your soul. And also, look, what you are doing to cure it. People, your supporters, could only hold the doors for you, but you and only you must go through them. No one would push you or force you to take the right path (or the wrong path). It's all through you.


How do I claim my life?
You don't have to claim your life. Just be good to yourself, slowly start to change yourself, start to appreciate life. Start living it and everything will fall into place.


Give up comparison. It is one of the worst enemies.
Give up expectations.
Give up those relationships, that hurts you.
Stop smoking, if you want.
Give up that mediocre job if you want to create something on your own. And do it with all your courage.


It takes time. There is no quick fix.

I often said that I would love to go back in time and do some things again. I would not want to go back to any time before 18. My childhood was miserable.

The only reason I chose 18 was when I went to college and I wish I was more mature then. I avoided the field I should have gone to because I wanted to distance myself from my father. It was a mistake from which I have recovered.

As for my twenties? I worked. I worked a lot. I paid the bills, settled in, and felt safe. I built my life.

In my thirties? I started to enjoy my life.

I don't think the twenties are amazing. Is a plus

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I often said that I would love to go back in time and do some things again. I would not want to go back to any time before 18. My childhood was miserable.

The only reason I chose 18 was when I went to college and I wish I was more mature then. I avoided the field I should have gone to because I wanted to distance myself from my father. It was a mistake from which I have recovered.

As for my twenties? I worked. I worked a lot. I paid the bills, settled in, and felt safe. I built my life.

In my thirties? I started to enjoy my life.

I don't think the twenties are amazing. It is a more innocent time. One less responsible for some. But if you run around separating yourself and indulging wants and needs, you will pay at thirty.

When I was 27 I realized that I was not immoral and that one day I would die. I found that very annoying and was stressed for a few months. Finally, it vanished. I still stay there at night, happy, and I sigh for the fact that life is not eternal. I also work in the public service and understand mortality very well.

I think you are maturing. Mentally, physically, you are established in what you will be. And yes, you feel that loss of what was. The world was easier. There were less. And it doesn't help that the media idealizes 18-29 as a magical and mystical place.

Welcome to thirty. Life gets good. You are in control of it. There are things to do here, so come do them.

If you feel like the best years of your life are behind you at 29, then you haven't found your purpose. This transition took me a few years and began at age 26. I feel so offended when people tell me that I have wasted my intellect being a stay-at-home parent. THAT?! First of all, I worked 2 decades gaining knowledge, intellect, and wisdom BEFORE becoming a stay-at-home parent. What better things to give my children than my time and knowledge? They will gain their own wisdom through life experiences. I feel like my purpose is to be the best parent I know by teaching my children

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If you feel like the best years of your life are behind you at 29, then you haven't found your purpose. This transition took me a few years and began at age 26. I feel so offended when people tell me that I have wasted my intellect being a stay-at-home parent. THAT?! First of all, I worked 2 decades gaining knowledge, intellect, and wisdom BEFORE becoming a stay-at-home parent. What better things to give my children than my time and knowledge? They will gain their own wisdom through life experiences. I feel like my purpose is to be the best parent I know by teaching my children the skills they will need to thrive as independent adults. What better purpose is there than that? For me? None.

The only goal you should work towards is: to be happy.
Dedicate your life to finding and doing what makes you happy. Discover new talents. Activities. Hobbies Be with or listen to the people who inspire you. Do what makes you feel happy, light, and carefree. And avoid all those that make you feel depressed and heavy inside.

In the meantime, as you try to bring the new into your life, take a moment to reflect.
Assess your current situation. Do you really find that place and job mediocre or is it someone else's perception that you have assumed? Weigh the pros and cons. Don't you enjoy the laid back lifestyle?

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The only goal you should work towards is: to be happy.
Dedicate your life to finding and doing what makes you happy. Discover new talents. Activities. Hobbies Be with or listen to the people who inspire you. Do what makes you feel happy, light, and carefree. And avoid all those that make you feel depressed and heavy inside.

In the meantime, as you try to bring the new into your life, take a moment to reflect.
Assess your current situation. Do you really find that place and job mediocre or is it someone else's perception that you have assumed? Weigh the pros and cons. Don't you enjoy the laid-back lifestyle that this small town offers? Would you rather give this up for a hectic city life? Or do the growth opportunities offered by other jobs really inspire that passion for working? Reflect on this.

Then move on to your relationships. You have been classified as a friend. Check this out. Do you want to risk being a friend for life (and not risk it) or do you want to ask her out (and maybe lose the friendship)? What would hurt you the most? Weigh the options and see what you would like to do.

When it comes to smoking, it's just your way of making up for the seemingly low phase of your life. As soon as you are able to turn it around, little by little, your dependency will decrease.

Remember, your life is in your hands, take the reins and gallop towards the life you have always wanted.

Last year I was in a similar position.

  1. I went to see a psychiatrist, this was to speak to someone who will not judge me. It also helped me overcome my feelings of inadequacy.
  2. As suggested by many others, learn something new. I learned to swim at 28 years old, each milestone reached did wonders for my self-esteem and this translated into other areas of my life.
  3. I revisited some of the dreams I had, like traveling. I started with affordable places in my country, invited some friends and had a great time. This also allowed me to meet new people.
  4. There is a lot of information on the Internet about ca
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Last year I was in a similar position.

  1. I went to see a psychiatrist, this was to speak to someone who will not judge me. It also helped me overcome my feelings of inadequacy.
  2. As suggested by many others, learn something new. I learned to swim at 28 years old, each milestone reached did wonders for my self-esteem and this translated into other areas of my life.
  3. I revisited some of the dreams I had, like traveling. I started with affordable places in my country, invited some friends and had a great time. This also allowed me to meet new people.
  4. There is a wealth of information on the Internet about career advice. Read books, watch YouTube videos, etc. so you can explore other avenues

Now I'm happier, I practically gave myself a second chance and couldn't have been happier. Now I feel like the world is rewarding me with more opportunities. Don't give up, start today and everything will fall into place little by little.

Guy !
The first phase of change is realization. Congratulations! you finished that.
You did an MBA from one of the best universities, why are you still stuck in a mediocre job?
You clearly know that this is not what you deserve! Then why ?

1st. Find a new job.
Fuck out of that place! Go to a job search site, fill out and send your resume everywhere! NOW !!!

2nd Do you have a job? Move out Live in a new place with new people.

Smile a lot, it's a step towards confidence. Love yourself and be happy. Learn a new instrument or language. Make new friends in those classes. have a bit of your social life

3rd. Why n

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Guy !
The first phase of change is realization. Congratulations! you finished that.
You did an MBA from one of the best universities, why are you still stuck in a mediocre job?
You clearly know that this is not what you deserve! Then why ?

1st. Find a new job.
Fuck out of that place! Go to a job search site, fill out and send your resume everywhere! NOW !!!

2nd Do you have a job? Move out Live in a new place with new people.

Smile a lot, it's a step towards confidence. Love yourself and be happy. Learn a new instrument or language. Make new friends in those classes. have a bit of your social life

3rd. Why do you need a girlfriend? To complete you? You don't need all of them at this time. Work on your career and by when you are settled and well done. You will find someone

4th. Now you have your new house, you made new friends. Throw some parties. Make your home comfortable and good. Make lots of people hang out and become a people person.

Note:
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, that won't help you at all.
Nobody likes that a person who is sad all the time
travels, meets people. Live the moment

I think that at this stage it is very important that you are happy with your career. Frustration with everything else (relationships, expectations, etc.) is mainly due to not being satisfied with your career. People can earn more than you, and compare their human nature, but the worst thing you can do is become complacent and resigned to your fate. Do not do that. Stop smoking and stop being a victim. Do whatever it takes to set your career on the path you want. And remember that age is ONLY a number. I personally know many people who quit their jobs, started new careers, new companies, to

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I think that at this stage it is very important that you are happy with your career. Frustration with everything else (relationships, expectations, etc.) is mainly due to not being satisfied with your career. People can earn more than you, and compare their human nature, but the worst thing you can do is become complacent and resigned to your fate. Do not do that. Stop smoking and stop being a victim. Do whatever it takes to set your career on the path you want. And remember that age is ONLY a number. I personally know many people who quit their jobs, started new careers, started new companies, took risks, started things from scratch at their age. You have a good IQ, use it and earn more money than those people you constantly compare yourself to too! Get a better job and a better life, and don't stop until you get there! Everything else will follow, the girls too. :)

Lots of good advice here, especially Amit's. There is one thing you can do right now. Go help someone in need. Sponsor a kid's education, buy a bike for that guy who has to walk miles every day, fix someone's broken wall, or go to work at relief camp. You said you have child pay. Use it to bring happiness to someone's life. Believe me, it feels great when someone sees you as a savior. It will give your life purpose and you will make great friends, maybe even find the love of your life. There is no key to happiness. You know why? Because the door is not closed.

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