How can I know if he really is my biological father even after his death?

Updated on : December 3, 2021 by Tom Berry



How can I know if he really is my biological father even after his death?

There are a few ways to do this.

  1. Depending on how long your father has passed away. Check with the coroner's office to see if any of his remains have been reserved. If that's the case, you may want to contact IDTO's DNA Testing Center for details on the process.

2. If acquiring his remains is not an option, do a grandparent DNA test if your father's parents are still alive.

3. If option # 2 is not feasible and you have siblings who share the same father. I recommend doing a sibling DNA test.

4. Last option, if none of the above options are feasible and your parent

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There are a few ways to do this.

  1. Depending on how long your father has passed away. Check with the coroner's office to see if any of his remains have been reserved. If that's the case, you may want to contact IDTO's DNA Testing Center for details on the process.

2. If acquiring his remains is not an option, do a grandparent DNA test if your father's parents are still alive.

3. If option # 2 is not feasible and you have siblings who share the same father. I recommend doing a sibling DNA test.

4. Last option, if none of the options mentioned above is feasible and your father has siblings, I recommend doing a test called Avuncular DNA Test. This is a test that helps determine a biological relationship between an aunt or uncle with a niece or nephew.

As stated above, you may want to contact IDTO's DNA Testing Center to learn more about your options.

Why wait until he's dead? you can ask him or you can use his hairbrush and rip a hair out with a bicycle and send it to rest in the lab. you can also use siliva on glass.

If you are male, you can have your Y DNA checked and compared to a living paternal uncle or grandfather. If you are a woman it is a bit more complicated because you would have to compare another DNA. If there are no living relatives, a body could be exhumed to provide conclusive DNA testing.

You talk to the remaining members of his family and do some really TIGHT time location calculations. That's ahhh, unless your mom was LOOSE eventually. #LOL

Wait: ask your mom. You just said 'daddy was dead

Genetic testing of any of your blood relatives, even a cousin, can tell you whether or not you are related to your late father by blood.

This answer assumes the burial of a person.

A family member would have to authorize the exhumation of the body and allow DNA testing.

It is not easy to handle.

For many years, I lived with my mother, my father and my sister thinking that we are a good family, spending time together, helping each other, etc.

Very soon I realized that I was quite different from my father: physically and also without any common interest. It was there, but it wasn't really there.

Growing up, I began to have a few more doubts, which were confirmed by genetics classes in high school: If no one has blue eyes in your family, you must be wondering why. However, my mother, I always found an explanation that I accepted at the time because I trusted

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It is not easy to handle.

For many years, I lived with my mother, my father and my sister thinking that we are a good family, spending time together, helping each other, etc.

Very soon I realized that I was quite different from my father: physically and also without any common interest. It was there, but it wasn't really there.

Growing up, I began to have a few more doubts, which were confirmed by genetics classes in high school: If no one has blue eyes in your family, you must be wondering why. However, my mother always found an explanation that I accepted at that time because I trusted her.

When I was in my 20s I had a real questioning again and my mother told me again that there is nothing to worry about.

Three years ago, while we were having drinks on a nice summer day, my mother began to tell me about her childhood and ended the conversation by telling me that, by the way, your father is not your father. He did not make much of this when he told me how he had me before marrying my current father. He also told me that my biological father died some years before, so there would be no way of knowing him. Of course I was very surprised, but I quickly locked everything inside myself, without delving into the matter.

I asked myself random questions about the situation, putting things together, finding answers for many situations that happened when I was young (why did I feel so different from my dad and my half sister, why did my paternal grandmother not seem like me, etc. ) and occasionally asked my mother questions about my biological father. She always gave me short answers, because she was not interested in knowing more about him. They only spoke once or twice after I was born.

About 1 year after this event, I started to feel really sad and empty inside. I lost interest in most of my hobbies and started asking a lot of questions about my life, my goals, my role. At first I thought my job was flawed and after a few months of hesitation and balancing some options, I decided to quit. I felt that my place was not there in that particular firm, that I had enough and it was time to move on.

A few months after quitting, I had a meltdown, I felt very depressed and anxious and couldn't really explain why, because I knew that with my resume I would eventually end up finding another job.

When things got worse, I sought professional help. During a session with my therapist, we talked about my family and told him about the revelation I had. A few questions later from her, I burst into tears and realized that the secrecy and the lie had a greater impact on me than I first thought.

Yes, it is true, that I had a good childhood, with mother, father, sister, vacations. Yes, it is not the most dramatic story you can hear. However, the fact that for 24 years I was lied to by the only person I really trusted and appreciated a lot - my mother - and that I was always in a very ambiguous psychological situation of "knowing something is wrong" but "not really knowing ”, Feeling different, strange, not in my place; All of this had a great impact on me, my future behavior and my way of thinking.

Mothers can lie to their children for different reasons, my mother had no solid reason to lie about this - she had the opportunity to answer a simple question many times. My mother eventually told me the truth, in a very casual way, as if you were telling someone something you read somewhere. There wasn't much emotion involved in that conversation. My mother thought this wasn't a big deal, so she told me that I shouldn't tell my current father that I know (he knows, of course!), Nor my half sister. My mother also told me to go ahead and not over-dramatize this.

Unfortunately, I can't get over it.

October 2019 update After more than two years since the previous answer, I have managed to forgive my mother and move on. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and get excited when I reopen this "drawer" of my life. I keep looking for answers and puzzle pieces to complete my story and learn more about my origins: I visited the grave of my biological father and saw a photo of him. I know that I have two brothers in the world.

Now I have a baby and the best thing I can do is give him a nice, warm and hassle-free family history.

In writing this answer to this question, I never imagined that there would be so many people who could relate to this (around 300 people read this every week).

Best of luck to everyone in this situation.

Well, it didn't happen to me, it happened to my dad.

Three. Different. Times.

I can't give his version of it, since he doesn't talk about it much. He's pretty good about it. But this is my perspective.

It turns out that, before I met my mother, I was a little…. let's say player. When I was in the eighth grade, we were sitting in the kitchen and my mom got a call from my dad (they had been divorced for about 5 years or so). In the past, Dad had gotten a girl pregnant and the baby had been put up for adoption. She found it and wants to connect. Crazy for a 13 and 9 year old to listen and absorb. I remember talking

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Well, it didn't happen to me, it happened to my dad.

Three. Different. Times.

I can't give his version of it, since he doesn't talk about it much. He's pretty good about it. But this is my perspective.

It turns out that, before I met my mother, I was a little…. let's say player. When I was in the eighth grade, we were sitting in the kitchen and my mom got a call from my dad (they had been divorced for about 5 years or so). In the past, Dad had gotten a girl pregnant and the baby had been put up for adoption. She found it and wants to connect. Crazy for a 13 and 9 year old to listen and absorb. I remember talking to her on the phone once, and that was it. He lived in a different city an hour away, and it was before the internet, so keeping in touch was more difficult. I still don't know how it was between her and my dad then.

Fast forward a few years. I'm in high school now, and wouldn't you know? Mom sits us down and tells us about another baby who had been put up for adoption before they met. This one lives a few miles away. He came over, picked up my sister and me, and took us out for pizza to try and connect. We got along well, we even babysat him once. One weekend my sister and I are at Daddy's house and she calls. I arrange for her to come meet him and my grandparents. She showed up and met everyone, had a one-on-one with my dad and that was it. She stopped returning my calls and just cheated on us. Years later I met her again where she was working at the time. She came over almost regularly and even apologized to me for disappearing, although she never gave me a reason.

Many years pass. At this point, I am an adult and have my own family, as does my sister. My father is dating someone he had dated right after high school, but it hadn't worked out then, and they had both married other people and had families. They are engaged and close to the big day. His daughters decide to do an ancestry DNA test for fun. Can you guess where this is going? Test concludes that the man she had thought was her father all her life was not, and my father was. However, this one is a bit different. My girlfriend hadn't told him she was pregnant, so she had no idea she had another child out there. She came and met him, and to my knowledge, she has had no further contact with him.

Now that staying connected is as simple as opening an app, we've stayed in touch. I haven't met the first one in person yet, but she lives in a different state, so it's not that easy. However, we chat all the time and she will come to visit us at the end of the summer. She has met the other two, and chats with the latter from time to time, as have I. I have not seen or spoken to the one who disappeared us in at least 10 years, and he has also hidden others. She has every right not to have contact, I can't even imagine how she, or the other two, will feel about all of this. However, it would be nice to know why he doesn't want to have anything to do with us. My dad doesn't care if he has any contact with them (lovely, right?), But that's not my or my sister's thing.
Dad swears there aren't any more surprise sisters out there, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were. Only time will tell….

That same scenario played out in my life. I was my mother's son from a previous marriage that broke up around my first birthday. My mother moved in with her parents for a while and then remarried the boy who raised me and gave my mother three other children, and me three brothers and a new last name when he formally adopted me. I was simply raised as the older brother. I preferred my mother in appearance, as did my next brother, and we were close enough that there was no doubt that we were brothers. The other two favored Dad. Sometimes I wondered why I felt so different in some

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That same scenario played out in my life. I was my mother's son from a previous marriage that broke up around my first birthday. My mother moved in with her parents for a while and then remarried the boy who raised me and gave my mother three other children, and me three brothers and a new last name when he formally adopted me. I was simply raised as the older brother. I preferred my mother in appearance, as did my next brother, and we were close enough that there was no doubt that we were brothers. The other two favored Dad. Sometimes I wondered why I felt so different on some level from everyone else, and why shows like Big Valley with Lee Majors playing Heath the stepson had such an effect on me. I always felt that my dad treated me differently from others, somewhat tougher, but I put it off because being the oldest and having a higher expectation of myself as I was the role model for my younger siblings. I finally had a prophetic dream when I was 24 years old and ended up asking my mom who my real father was while I was at a pizzeria one night. Surprisingly, he replied, "That's a very good question," to which I famously replied, "Why? Why?" You do not know? We laughed at that, but she told me the story. Somehow it was shocking but not too surprising. He said it was still a secret because he didn't want me to feel different. I accepted the explanation verbatim at the time, but then realized that she was protecting more than me. Once the can of worms was opened everything changed, although not much. I chose not to search for my first father at the time based in part on my mother's descriptions of what he was like, and in part on the weirdness of it all. I also wanted to honor my father and family, which was the only family. ever knew. When my dad died of cancer six years later, I found my dad's number one and called him. It was deeply disturbing. After saying "God, it's you", his second question was "Why did you take so long to call?" I almost hung up the phone at that point, but something made me stay and reply "I was the kid, I should ask you that." it's you ", her second question was" Why did it take you so long to call? "I almost hung up the phone at that point, but something made me stay and reply" I was the kid, I should ask you that " . it's you ", her second question was" Why did it take you so long to call? "I almost hung up the phone at that point, but something made me stay and reply" I was the kid, I should ask you that. "

To make a long story short, I visited New York. He sent his wife to the airport to pick me up. (Couldn't he get out of work?) There were some conflicts when he tried to punish me in a fatherly way, which I felt he had no right to do, and an expectation on his part that I would subscribe to his views on religion. , who were quite fundamentalist. I quickly discovered that I hadn't missed much and that fate had given me a better hand and a better man for a father in the man who raised me. Later, after my divorce, he "excommunicated" me from talking to him and he died with us apart, a sad and lonely man. As for wishing they told me sooner? No, I'm fine with how it was. We can always guess at our caregivers and cite some form of "could, should,

I would do the DNA, although I would not go looking for them. I would only see myself this way, why maybe you ask yourself while reading this answer, your 62 year old let another man raise you and make you believe that he is your dad, he was 60 years old to have made his presence known and it did not? no, he could have looked for you or even sent you a card, a letter something or even one of his family members to give you a letter or a card or an explanation, you didn't get any and now you're 62 and now not I don't know if you should or you shouldn't. Another scenario, what if I knew about you that I was married and had a

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I would do the DNA, although I would not go looking for them. I would only see me this way, why maybe you ask yourself while reading this answer, if you are 62 years old, he let another man raise you, and you made yourself believe that he is your dad, he was 60 years old to have made his known presence and did not. No, he could have looked for you or even sent you a card, a letter, something or even one of his family members to give you a letter or a card or an explanation, you did not get any and now you are 62 years old and now not I do not know if you should or you shouldn't. Another scenario: what if he knew about you that he was married and had an affair with your mom, but wouldn't leave his wife and kids for you and your mom? You could be a loved child or an unwanted child. What if you open a can of worms and go ankle deep? and they come to resent you or even hate you for looking, even though you're right, but he never bothered with you. I'd think about it first, ask your mom if she's still alive about your real dad. I would not personally go looking for him because I feel like he would have abandoned me if it had been my case. I would find a counselor to talk to. I mean, if you had an amazing relationship with the man you thought was your father, why look and risk having those tainted memories of meeting a man who may not be as good as your foster father? They may not even want to meet you in any way, you have to be prepared for what may come of this. Good luck and maybe keep us posted on what you decide. I would ask your mom if she is still alive about your real dad. I would not personally go looking for him because I feel like he would have abandoned me if it had been my case. I would find a counselor to talk to. I mean, if you had an amazing relationship with the man you thought was your father, why look and risk having those tainted memories of meeting a man who may not be as good as your foster father? They may not even want to meet you in any way, you have to be prepared for what may come of this. Good luck and maybe keep us posted on what you decide. I would ask your mom if she is still alive about your real dad. I would not personally go looking for him because I feel like he would have abandoned me if it had been my case. I would find a counselor to talk to. I mean, If you had an amazing relationship with the man you thought was your father, why look and risk having those tainted memories of meeting a man who may not be as good as your foster father? They may not even want to meet you in any way, you have to be prepared for what may come of this. Good luck and maybe keep us posted on what you decide. Why watch and risk having those tainted memories of meeting a man who may not be as nice as your foster father? They may not even want to meet you in any way, you have to be prepared for what may come of this. Good luck and maybe keep us posted on what you decide. Why watch and risk having those tainted memories of meeting a man who may not be as nice as your foster father? They may not even want to meet you in any way, you have to be prepared for what may come of this. Good luck and maybe keep us posted on what you decide.

For me, it was a DNA test, supervised by the state of Pennsylvania. I had already moved from Erie to New York City when the oil field collapsed in the mid-1980s. An old friend told me that my ex was pregnant and she was sure the baby was mine. I wasn't so sure, due to the contraceptive method we both used, so I said, "Try it." Three months after the birth of my daughter, the state ordered me to provide a blood sample for a paternity test, which came back positive. Then I became a co-parent, with joint custody, four months and four months away, and monthly child support.

When kate turns

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For me, it was a DNA test, supervised by the state of Pennsylvania. I had already moved from Erie to New York City when the oil field collapsed in the mid-1980s. An old friend told me that my ex was pregnant and she was sure the baby was mine. I wasn't so sure, due to the contraceptive method we both used, so I said, "Try it." Three months after the birth of my daughter, the state ordered me to provide a blood sample for a paternity test, which came back positive. Then I became a co-parent, with joint custody, four months and four months away, and monthly child support.

When Kate turned two, her recruiter seduced her mother into the military. He called me to let me know, with the directive that "his lawyer draw up documents that grant him full custody while I am active." So I scared off a lawyer and helped draft an agreement that gave me full custody as long as Kate's mother was affiliated with the Army, including the Reserve. She signed it and for the rest of her life came to see her daughter for a total of seven days. Some mom.

I never looked back and became Mr. Mom. I raised my daughter as a single parent and loved every step. There were joys and heartaches, but not a minute would change.

This is very easy to answer !!!

A long time ago I read an oriental fairy tale. I don't remember the name though. To be honest, I have been reading fairy tales as much as I could. I loved them.

So, in one of them the answer to your question was revealed. This was a great response. And I will try to retell the essence, since I do not remember all the details.

And it goes like this ...

Once, four travelers met deep in a forest on their journey to a certain city, for whatever reason each of them traveled. The forest was full of dangerous animals. But the need to rest and sleep

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This is very easy to answer !!!

A long time ago I read an oriental fairy tale. I don't remember the name though. To be honest, I have been reading fairy tales as much as I could. I loved them.

So, in one of them the answer to your question was revealed. This was a great response. And I will try to retell the essence, since I do not remember all the details.

And it goes like this ...

Once, four travelers met deep in a forest on their journey to a certain city, for whatever reason each of them traveled. The forest was full of dangerous animals. But they need to rest and sleep. So, they agreed to watch each one on their shift during the night.

These four guys just happened to have different occupations. One was a teacher. Another was a traveling Dervish (a concerned saint and sage in ancient times in the East…, before Islam, I think…). The third was a tailor. And the fourth was a carpenter.

Carpenter was the first to keep his guard. Others went to sleep and he realized that sleep was taking over him. So, to stay awake, he decided to keep busy with something. He found a log and began to carve it. And he made a sculpture of a girl. And when he finished, his guard time was up.

Next was the tailor to keep watch. He saw what the Carpenter had done and decided to follow the Carpenter's example to stay awake, to do something. So, he adapted a dress for the sculpture.

Next was the Dervish. He also adopted the same pattern. He, as a master of ancient knowledge, performed some rituals and gave life to the sculpture.

Now was the time for the Master to keep up his guard. He realized what the others had accomplished before him and did his part: he taught the girl some manners and wisdom.

In the morning, when everyone woke up, they realized that here they had this beautiful girl, well dressed and well educated. And everyone considered her their daughter.

A fight broke out, as each of them wanted to call themselves her father.

The question: who do you think has more rights to call himself the father of this girl?

I don't even remember what the outcome of the fairy tale was. But here is my point of view, and that will also answer your question.

The human being is called a Holy Being for a reason. It is curious, it is even recorded that Jesus said (John 6:63, and I am not a Christian ...) this: The Spirit gives life; meat doesn't count for anything ...

Basically, we are first and foremost spiritual beings. For this reason, it does not matter who the biological father of a child is. And any biological father who only provides things for his child and not spirituality, for this reason cannot fully call himself the father of the given child.

For all the above reasons, I would insist that the only person who would call himself that girl's father would be the Master. And the same is with you and with me and with anyone. If you are involved in raising a child and have helped him grow spiritually and mentally and become a good person, you are the true parent of the child. Therefore, it is possible to have even more than one father and more than one mother ... Spiritually ...

And in this way, any biologically childless person can still be a father spiritually and ensure that they have heirs through the spiritual legacy they leave on other people around them, helping them to become better people.

People do not realize that we are only visitors to this planet. Our biological children are neither more nor less ours than any other child in our care. It gives you a great blessing to take care of someone and develop a relativistic soul, to see the good seeds that you plant in them flourish and become good fruits.

Of course, it could hurt to know that your child is not biologically yours. But no one will ever take away the goodness that you could have given them spiritually. And your own spoiled children will literally feel like strangers to you ...

So, answering your question, humans are spirit beings above anything else. And only spiritual fatherhood counts. In this way a child can have many fathers and mothers. And in this way any person without children could have many children of his ...

So that's my take on this!

I found out at 19 that my father was not my biological father. Growing up, I always felt something different, but not quite right. I think it is important to know where or who you come from. There are medical reasons and just having the proper identity. Not knowing the truth robbed me of knowing that. I kept the secret to protect my mother and avoid embarrassment. However, I contacted my biological father and siblings and found that they are wonderful. It has brought me joy and a sense of relief. If someone is not in your place, of course they will say, well at least you had a father figure,

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I found out at 19 that my father was not my biological father. Growing up, I always felt something different, but not quite right. I think it is important to know where or who you come from. There are medical reasons and just having the proper identity. Not knowing the truth robbed me of knowing that. I kept the secret to protect my mother and avoid embarrassment. However, I contacted my biological father and siblings and found that they are wonderful. It has brought me joy and a sense of relief. If someone is not in your place, of course they will say, well at least you had a father figure, but what consolation is that when you go to the doctor and they ask you about the maternal and paternal history, or look in the mirror and you I do not understand why you look different from those around you. In my case, I have maternal sisters with very light skin and bigger ones. I was literally the black sheep. Since I met my biological father, I realized that I have more in common with them. My appearance, personality, etc. That is why I say that you have lived in the dark long enough and do what you feel is necessary to improve your esteem and confidence. They chose to lie or hide the truth. You do not have to do it! Walk with pride and share what you want. Sometimes it is a blessing to connect with your other half. Whoever raised you should not be selfish and should encourage you to undertake this adventure. Personally, I cannot worry about how others feel. I wish you all the best and good luck in your new normal. That is why I say that you have lived in the dark long enough and that you do what you feel is necessary to improve your esteem and confidence. They chose to lie or hide the truth. You do not have to do it! Walk with pride and share what you want. Sometimes it is a blessing to connect with your other half. Whoever raised you should not be selfish and should encourage you to undertake this adventure. Personally, I cannot worry about how others feel. I wish you all the best and good luck in your new normal. That is why I say that you have lived in the dark long enough and that you do what you feel is necessary to improve your esteem and confidence. They chose to lie or hide the truth. You do not have to do it! Walk with pride and share what you want. Sometimes it is a blessing to connect with your other half. Whoever raised you should not be selfish and should encourage you to undertake this adventure. Personally, I cannot worry about how others feel. I wish you all the best and good luck in your new normal. Personally, I cannot worry about how others feel. I wish you all the best and good luck in your new normal. Personally, I cannot worry about how others feel. I wish you all the best and good luck in your new normal.

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