How can I convince my lazy 23 year old son that it is time to get a job?

Updated on : December 6, 2021 by Owen Patrick



How can I convince my lazy 23 year old son that it is time to get a job?

I can see how frustrating this is for you. Cooperation is what you are looking for.

I don't think that under the current circumstances there is any chance that your 23-year-old son will get a job anytime soon. You are not going to change unless you are motivated to change and you don't see anything that motivates you to change. Then you are stuck.

So the only person who's going to change is you. What are you willing to do differently than you have done before?

The wording of your question reveals a lot about what hasn't worked for you:

  1. Call your child nicknames. Criticizing your son.
  2. Trying to convince your son
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I can see how frustrating this is for you. Cooperation is what you are looking for.

I don't think that under the current circumstances there is any chance that your 23-year-old son will get a job anytime soon. You are not going to change unless you are motivated to change and you don't see anything that motivates you to change. Then you are stuck.

So the only person who's going to change is you. What are you willing to do differently than you have done before?

The wording of your question reveals a lot about what hasn't worked for you:

  1. Call your child nicknames. Criticizing your son.
  2. Try to convince your child by arguing with him and yelling at him.

Those two decisions you have made are definitely not going to help you find a job. This is often the focus in alcoholic and drug addicted families: family members yell at the addict / alcoholic and insult him, but do nothing about it. They never let the addict bear the consequences of his behavior. They pay the fines the addict receives and pay the lawyer when the addict is arrested. The addict is infantilized.

First of all, why can't you get a job? You think he's lazy. He could be. Or you could also have an anxiety disorder. We need to know if you have an anxiety disorder before encouraging any harsh loving approach.

I thought my son was lazy until I realized he was too scared to take an application and talk to the manager. So I helped him fill out a job application and told him what to wear, took him to McDonald's and walked in with him and asked about the manager. He gave his application to the manager and was hired.

Later, when I encouraged him to start his own computer repair business, he became obsessed with his business card. He designed and redesigned it for a month. Finally I told him that his card was not important, that he needed to start running ads in the free local newspaper that goes to every door. He did it and launched a successful business. 7 years later, he sold it for $ 70,000 and bought his second investment property.

  1. Review your child's life in your head. What was he good at? Bicycling? Do you collect bottle caps? He drew? Videogames? Making friends? Raising money for a charity? Teach cats tricks? Having a party? Treating marijuana?
  2. Analyze what skills those things you were good at required: physical coordination, stamina, attention to detail, patience, sales skills, visual skills, design skills, soft skills, entrepreneurship.
  3. Tell your child that you noticed his abilities, name the abilities.
  4. Name the jobs that require those skills you've exhibited: Electrician Apprentice, Plumber Apprentice, HVAC Apprentice, Drywall Installer, Landscaper, Pet Sitting, House Cleaner, Party Clown, eBay Store.
  5. Find someone to do the work that interests your child. Ask if your child can follow that person for a day to see if your child would find the job interesting.

Most of the people who are unemployed and not looking for work are:

  1. Anxious and scared
  2. Hopeless: Most young people have a horror of spending the rest of their lives in a boring $ 12 an hour job with no power, no fun, and no way to progress toward doing something they love to do.

Tell your child that there are many organic farms that need workers. They will house you and feed you in exchange for four hours of work a day. That could make you feel happy. Watch your reactions to these suggestions to see what excites you.

Unfortunately, you will have to set limits for your 23-year-old son. If they don't instinctively know that they need to work, then you are probably the cause or someone else hasn't told your child that they need to work. I'm not trying to put you down because I did the same and my daughter didn't want to do anything other than stay on her phone. Fortunately, I had my aunt explain the same thing to me and I had to start setting limits and sticking to them and it's not easy because if you're like me, you've messed it up and practically let them cope. anything and everything, not be

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Unfortunately, you will have to set limits for your 23-year-old son. If they don't instinctively know that they need to work, then you are probably the cause or someone else hasn't told your child that they need to work. I'm not trying to put you down because I did the same and my daughter didn't want to do anything other than stay on her phone. Fortunately, I had my aunt explain the same thing to me and I had to start setting limits and sticking to them and it's not easy because if you're like me, you've messed it up and practically let them cope. anything and everything, not because you don't care, but because we're trying not to do the things our parents did, that hurts us. I literally had to threaten to kick my daughter out because she would not go to work or to clean what was dirty and it was very hard for me because she was there to remind me that I was being a horrible mother, but we are not because we owe it to our children, no matter their age, if they are still at home, it is our responsibility to teach them to be responsible for themselves and we have to set rules for them at home, or the world will eat them -up, because it has many more rules than we do. Unfortunately, we have a world full of children with rights who are now adults and we don't know what to do. You have to start with some limits. Maybe he could tell you that you have to get a job or move. You could set your own limits around the house because if he doesn't work, he probably isn't putting his share around the house. I hope this helps you and maybe you can read about the rights and our participation in them. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever need me, I am here. Best of luck to you and your son.

My parents did a fantastic job of making me want to work for whatever I want. They taught me how much more I could have working for me. The desire to work stems from an identity of independence and this, in my opinion, is what your child needs.

Your state of mind must also be taken into account. Perhaps there are underlying reasons why your child still doesn't want to make his own waves. Maybe you need the self-confidence to know that you can pull it off and thus inspire you to take action.

I think this requires a subtle strategy to gently demonstrate the value of being productive. There is a pletor

Keep reading

My parents did a fantastic job of making me want to work for whatever I want. They taught me how much more I could have working for me. The desire to work stems from an identity of independence and this, in my opinion, is what your child needs.

Your state of mind must also be taken into account. Perhaps there are underlying reasons why your child still doesn't want to make his own waves. Maybe you need the self-confidence to know that you can pull it off and thus inspire you to take action.

I think this requires a subtle strategy to gently demonstrate the value of being productive. There are a lot of books that helped me get into the mindset of wanting to work hard.

Your child may require a different approach.

The advantage is that you know your son. How to get him to want to do something. What makes you feel energetic. What makes him want to ignore your pleas for him to move? Use what you know about your child and use it to subtly move him in the right direction.

Before tackling this, you need to stop viewing your child as "lazy" and instead as "uninspired." Now your goal is to inspire him and not scold him for his lack of motivation.

All the best and I really hope this helps!

We, you can't. You have to make the effort, right? And if he does not live with you or is not dependent on you, your options are limited. But if he's at home, you can make it very difficult for him to cope without a job. If he lives with you, start collecting rent. Stop offering free meals. Don't give him a vehicle. If you don't pay your rent, evict you. You are likely angry, so you will have to work hard to preserve your relationship during the transition. I would see a counselor, if it were me, to help me make careful decisions. In addition, it is important to consider whether mental health, learning, or substance

Keep reading

We, you can't. You have to make the effort, right? And if he does not live with you or is not dependent on you, your options are limited. But if he's at home, you can make it very difficult for him to cope without a job. If he lives with you, start collecting rent. Stop offering free meals. Don't give him a vehicle. If you don't pay your rent, evict you. You are likely angry, so you will have to work hard to preserve your relationship during the transition. I would see a counselor, if it were me, to help me make careful decisions. Also, it's important to consider whether mental health, learning, or substance abuse problems are affecting your ability to work.

If he doesn't pay the bills ... he wouldn't have a door in your room that you let him live in. If you don't buy food, I'd eat ramen or peanut butter sandwiches. I would not use my laundry facilities or the vehicle that I paid for. If you don't pay your own phone bill, you won't have a phone. And if you don't pay your cable or internet bill ... you wouldn't be allowed to access them either.

This may sound evil… but what is worse…. A child who gets angry but learns to be responsible or a child who feels helpless when you leave because you took their consequences.

People don't learn from mistakes unless they bite them

You have to push it. Kick him out, stop buying his food, and give him free stuff. Collect rent, collect utilities. Once you tire of paying to live with your mother, you may find that it is better to pay for your own privacy. There is literally no other way to move it forward than to do so.

You have trained him to be exactly how he is right now. Review your training plan and eliminate the rewards you get for being lazy. Some suggestions;

Charge you rent. Increase the rent with each promotion.

Expect all household chores - dishes, laundry, meals, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, cleaning gutters - to be a necessary expectation to continue living under your roof.

How can you have a lazy 23-year-old son when another one of your questions says that you are 17 years old and you want your parents to buy you a car?

https://www.quora.com/profile/JaLaquan-Mitchell/questionshttps://www.quora.com/profile/JaLaquan-Mitchell/questions

You tell him he has 3 weeks to get a job and then a month to save his money and make a down payment on his new apartment because in 6 weeks he will be moving out.

If just telling her doesn't work, it's time for some tough love.

I would like to mention here an element that is commonly overlooked. So bear with me, it's provocative. I'm also going to be frank, just know, I don't want to disrespect you.

The declared factors:

  • Daughter is a 25 year old young adult
  • Stays at home / Watch Netflix
  • Dont have work
  • You don't want her homeless, but you're thinking of kicking her out.

Now, I'll translate it to how I see it.

  1. Your daughter is a young adult. At that age I was hardly ever at home, I was partying every day, without work, partying in about 5 cities every day without stopping. I took a lot of drugs, drugs that I had never heard of, drugs that I had never heard of.
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I would like to mention here an element that is commonly overlooked. So bear with me, it's provocative. I'm also going to be frank, just know, I don't want to disrespect you.

The declared factors:

  • Daughter is a 25 year old young adult
  • Stays at home / Watch Netflix
  • Dont have work
  • You don't want her homeless, but you're thinking of kicking her out.

Now, I'll translate it to how I see it.

  1. Your daughter is a young adult. At that age I was hardly ever at home, I was partying every day, without work, partying in about 5 cities every day without stopping. I took a lot of drugs, drugs I've never heard of before, drugs I've never heard of before, designer drugs that don't even exist anymore. I did a lot of illegal things every day and by my crazy luck I was only arrested for feeding the homeless. Is your daughter lucky? Are you a gamer?
  2. If I were a woman, I would have gotten pregnant 12 times a year. Go ahead and kick her out, there are millions of young men like the old me who would harass her, and even worse too, guys who would love to take her under their curse and show her the drugs, and older men too. Maybe many older men together. You know they exist. Google the average number of missing persons per year. It's creepy. And I have a family member as a missing person, so I know how real those things are.
  3. She is obviously depressed. I think the irony is in everything, since God has a sense of humor; You want to consider casting her, but have you considered making her your best friend? You are family. This should already be the case. And since disconnection is the main cause of addiction, she would definitely become addicted and you would be choosing to gamble that by forcing her to suffer that heartbreak and betray her own relatives.
  4. The very theme of children "having" to move out of the house at an early age is a completely illogical and unnatural dynamic for the human species. In the old days, as throughout history until recently, families stuck together. This is how families stayed strong. This is how families gained enough power to become royalty and rule countries. Corporations can siphon more money from the weak, so the culture of brainwashing to lean more toward everyone being as divided as possible is simply business and market efficiency. What is more important, family or fit into the "norm"? In my opinion, the best plan here is to foster the bond. There are no excuses. If you find something or reasoning that comes to mind, ask yourself "
  5. The current workplace scene is a joke. And the turning of its gears is to promote the destruction of the world. You may think that she is wasting her life, but she is the one not wasting the lives of others.

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