How can I convince my 20-year-old to stop being lazy, get a full-time job, and move out?

Updated on : January 17, 2022 by Brandon Watson



How can I convince my 20-year-old to stop being lazy, get a full-time job, and move out?

Sit down and "try" to communicate with him. Ask him if he is even trying to find a job. There are no typical excuses, “There are no jobs dad. It's all the president's fault. Nobody loves me because I am too old. I don't know where to look. I have no skills, education, experience, etc., etc. "

Give her some good advice on how to look. Ask him if he has seen a Professional Employment Agency, the local State Department of Human Resources Office, friends, family, what and who ever. You take him to some if necessary so he doesn't come back and say: "I was dad, they don't have anything." If he complains, it is an unfair world, etc.

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Sit down and "try" to communicate with him. Ask him if he is even trying to find a job. There are no typical excuses, “There are no jobs dad. It's all the president's fault. Nobody loves me because I am too old. I don't know where to look. I have no skills, education, experience, etc., etc. "

Give her some good advice on how to look. Ask him if he has seen a Professional Employment Agency, the local State Department of Human Resources Office, friends, family, what and who ever. You take him to some if necessary so he doesn't come back and say: "I was dad, they don't have anything." If you doubt, it's an unfair world, etc. and he doesn't want to try, then it's time to tell him that he at least has to make a living at home. Give him a list of doable tasks. Paint, clean, fix, there are always things that need it. I did this for my parents when I got divorced at 52 and had to stay with them until I recovered.

Cut down on any privilege at home, your own TV, cable, Wi-Fi, cell phone, car, gas, etc., whatever you pay extra for it. There are jobs, sometimes just PTs, coffee shops, gas stations, department stores, supermarkets, many of these have fast turnover rates, those little jobs are nowhere there, especially in big cities.

Finally, there are always the military. 3 hots and a crib with OJT and salary. It's better than doing absolutely nothing.

Do you need to get him moving or be willing to support his lack of motivation based on what? Usually poor me, it's not my fault.

Aaaaaahahahahahahaha…. Story of each parent ... and the pain in my existence.

First of all, if you want to convince someone of something, you must ask yourself "why" ...

  • Why convince them?
  • Why should they continue?
  • Why do you go on

So, you have to ask "what" ...

  • What's so cool about it?
  • What can replace it?

... frankly, if you want your son to go, throw him out. If you want your child to be prepared, prepare it. If you want others to take care of them, you should have put them up for adoption, rather than blaming them for your lack of understanding of the failure that is the “everyone must work” mentality.

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Aaaaaahahahahahahaha…. Story of each parent ... and the pain in my existence.

First of all, if you want to convince someone of something, you must ask yourself "why" ...

  • Why convince them?
  • Why should they continue?
  • Why do you go on

So, you have to ask "what" ...

  • What's so cool about it?
  • What can replace it?

... frankly, if you want your son to go, throw him out. If you want your child to be prepared, prepare it. If you want others to take care of them, you should have put them up for adoption, rather than blaming them for your lack of understanding of the failure that is the mentality of "everyone must work ... to earn money ... to live away from their parents. ... marry ... have children ... and die. "

If you did those things, are you happy? You are rich? Are you satisfied ?

What if your child does not want YOUR definition of happiness, or YOUR definition of wealth, and therefore is not satisfied with the results that it presents to those that its demands to go out into the world will inevitably lead to?

I've thought about this shit often and frankly, it doesn't mean a thing.

  • So you get a job, whoop finger, and then what? Billions of people have jobs; They are happy?
  • So you make a lot of money, do you know how to spend it? Many people make millions and spend them on things they THINK will make them happy; does it?
  • So, you are doing things, being productive. Have these things helped you in life, have they made a difference in society, or have they made you happy in the long run?
  • Great, you managed to get married, how satisfied are you with that decision? Clearly not really, you have a child who doesn't follow your ways.
  • So, you are happy with your work; you are satisfied with your products; you are happy with your marriage; great. When you die, what happens to all your joy? Is it transferred to another person in its entirety? And, even if it does, will it still matter, seeing how you are dead and no longer available to maintain the value of joy that you have developed?

Maybe your child doesn't really care about a meaningless existence. They might rather ride the wave than be the propeller. The general model of life is a horrible business plan. He spends more than he earns.

Too much stress.

Why don't you help them develop what they enjoy first, and then find out how to get more out of it… like an income from food and shelter?

Money is not everything, and following them is not always beneficial.

If I gained a lot of strength from drinking milk and you were intolerant to milk, forcing yourself to drink milk will probably kill you.

UPDATE: 2018.10.19

You must first convince yourself that you NEED them to walk away from you, because kicking them out is actually mostly not for them. Then you must convince them (or "tell" them, depending on your ability to express themselves) that you can no longer bear to have them around.

* People need to stop masking problems and realize the real problem.

You really need to want these things for yourself. Convincing with logic or force or whatever could lead to problems when your true convictions weaken in the future.

I'd say sex is the key ...

Does he and his date really like to retire to mom and dad's house? Women like going out to dinner, going places and other expensive things. How do you finance these activities? Do you have a car to pick up an appointment? You almost need a full-time job to finance one of those and pay for insurance, gas, and repairs.

If it's the worst case where you live in the basement playing video games on computer day

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You really need to want these things for yourself. Convincing with logic or force or whatever could lead to problems when your true convictions weaken in the future.

I'd say sex is the key ...

Does he and his date really like to retire to mom and dad's house? Women like going out to dinner, going places and other expensive things. How do you finance these activities? Do you have a car to pick up an appointment? You almost need a full-time job to finance one of those and pay for insurance, gas, and repairs.

If it's the worst case scenario where you live in the basement playing video games on the computer every day, I would slowly get you out of the mush.

Announce that you are going to start charging for things; electricity, internet, food, shelter, etc. You do it on a schedule, so that he can adjust gradually. Get a minimum wage job, cash your first paycheck, save some cash for an apartment deposit, and so on ...

He might get really mad at you at first, after all, you ARE removing the rug under him. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the game is: either move in style (at least for a 20-year-old) or slowly you squeeze it out financially. You still love him, but your socioeconomic situation dictates that it is time for him to leave the nest, spread his wings and fly like an eagle.

I hope this helps.

You can't "convince" him of anything, but you can set some limits and goals for this to happen. Remove certain privileges, request food payment, etc. or let him know that certain items are no longer available to him. If you do any chores (eg laundry, insurance, etc.) stop doing those things. You must communicate your needs to him in a clear, emotionless voice and then be prepared to hold up your weapons. Unfortunately this is going to be a process, find a support network not to complain but who can help you start building a roadmap to your independence or much more.

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You can't "convince" him of anything, but you can set some limits and goals for this to happen. Remove certain privileges, request food payment, etc. or let him know that certain items are no longer available to him. If you do any chores (eg laundry, insurance, etc.) stop doing those things. You must communicate your needs to him in a clear, emotionless voice and then be prepared to hold up your weapons. Unfortunately this is going to be a process, finding a support network not to complain, but that can help you start building a roadmap to your independence or a much more basic / controlled life free of the advantages that I am sure you will experience. . living off you. Electronics, staples (instead of likes / wants), loss of driving / car privileges,

You should have kicked him out a long time ago. You were supposed to kick him out since he was 18 years old. If you go to school, this is a different story. You need to put your foot on the ground. You have to talk to him about this.

Ask him questions how are you

  • When you have a family one day, how can you support it?
  • What if your dad and I are out of this world?
  • What are you going to do in the future?

Or you need to get a job and pay the bills. You need to be taught responsibility. If you and your father were lazy, you would not have a house, food, or cars. This is not how it is supposed to act. You ju

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You should have kicked him out a long time ago. You were supposed to kick him out since he was 18 years old. If you go to school, this is a different story. You need to put your foot on the ground. You have to talk to him about this.

Ask him questions how are you

  • When you have a family one day, how can you support it?
  • What if your dad and I are out of this world?
  • What are you going to do in the future?

Or you need to get a job and pay the bills. You need to be taught responsibility. If you and your father were lazy, you would not have a house, food, or cars. This is not how it is supposed to act. You just have to tell him that it's time to go. We love you but we can't keep taking care of you.

Children need tough love sometimes. At first he will hate you for this. Once he grows up, he will learn to appreciate you for doing this.

Have you tried to let him experience reality? There is a law of consequences that automatically applies when you DO NOT accept responsibility for becoming an adult.

Now I'm not saying change the locks and block your phone number, but rather create a systematic, timed plan to help you get going on your own. Millions have done it before him, and he can do it too. This is where all your good parenting will be focused (it gave you good parenting, right?).

One last thing, 20 is not a man. Far from there. But it is the beginning of the long road to maturity. Be firm, but gentle.

I really feel sorry for myself. If you find something that works, could you please let me know?

My son earned a 2: 1 BA in Politics 18 months ago. Upon returning home, he landed 2 part-time jobs, at a vegan cafe and a lovely little pub, to provide some pocket money while he was looking for a graduate position.

18 months later, and he's still putting off joining the rat race, he's become such a popular member of the pub's staff that he's like a paid regular, and because both the pub + the cafe are cool and fun spots. fashions in which the romantic front does quite well too.

Which leaves me scolding, worrying and getting angry

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I really feel sorry for myself. If you find something that works, could you please let me know?

My son earned a 2: 1 BA in Politics 18 months ago. Upon returning home, he landed 2 part-time jobs, at a vegan cafe and a lovely little pub, to provide some pocket money while he was looking for a graduate position.

18 months later, and he's still putting off joining the rat race, he's become such a popular member of the pub's staff that he's like a paid regular, and because both the pub + the cafe are cool and fun spots. fashions in which the romantic front does quite well too.

Which leaves me scolding, worrying, and getting mad at him for wasting my time while his friends thrive on their graduate jobs, making more money in a week than he did in a month, buying houses, and getting married ...

It's leading me around the corner!

Hello there,

I know what you're talking about, even though I'm not a mother myself. But I've seen it happen firsthand before I have.

You have to be a little harsh on your son. As difficult as it is to do, you have to take a stand or else you would waste your life. I recommend that you just throw it out. Tell him that a week before the xyz date you would throw away his things. If you don't find a place to live until then, it doesn't matter. You will not move.

It's hard. I know. But as a mother, your responsibility is to make sure your child doesn't get lost. Desperate times call for desperate measures. He is young, he f

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Hello there,

I know what you're talking about, even though I'm not a mother myself. But I've seen it happen firsthand before I have.

You have to be a little harsh on your son. As difficult as it is to do, you have to take a stand or else you would waste your life. I recommend that you just throw it out. Tell him that a week before the xyz date you would throw away his things. If you don't find a place to live until then, it doesn't matter. You will not move.

It's hard. I know. But as a mother, your responsibility is to make sure your child doesn't get lost. Desperate times call for desperate measures. He's young, he would find a job if he had a degree, and if he doesn't, encourage him to go to college - even a community college will suffice.

I wish you all the luck.

Don't give him money, don't let him use your things or eat your food. Let him stay in a homeless shelter for a while and look for work. He will never leave until you stop giving in to him. If it falls, get up. For God's sake, kick his big 20 year old butt and live your life and he will find his if you don't give in to his whining.

For one thing, don't give him money, nothing. Do not put gas in your vehicle unless you are going to a job interview. And follow him to the interview to be sure that is where he is going. Let him know that as an adult, he now has to pay the rent and that since he has no way to pay it, he can do the cleaning. Then give him a long to-do list.

Simple.

Give it a choice:

move and find a job OR stay home Do all household chores on a daily basis

Express your rules clearly with him

If you choose to stay home and are too lazy to work, you will be able to listen to your orders and do what you say.

Give him this reasoning, I'm sure this will clear his mind.

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