Do you feel it's appropriate to let your 17-year-old daughter sleep at her boyfriend's house?

Updated on : January 20, 2022 by Harley Sweet



Do you feel it's appropriate to let your 17-year-old daughter sleep at her boyfriend's house?

I imagine that a 17-year-old is the closest thing to an adult that one can be and still be a teenager. You would have to assume they are in a sexual relationship if she wants to stay the night. As long as she's covered in education and contraception, I don't see any reason not to quit. Teens can do it in the car, in the woods, anywhere they find privacy. They better at least be safe at home.

My daughter was 4 when she saw her brother born ... at home nice and casual ... conversations evolved later on how she got there so she understood birth control well ... she took it all calmly. She had a boyfriend and was very knowledgeable about birth control ... not promiscuous but knowledgeable. Stupidity causes problems, not education.

My feelings are irrelevant to your feelings unless you are creating yours around majority rule.

It seems strange to me, if a culture promotes arranged marriages for 17-year-old girls, they are frowned upon. If a 17-year-old girl of her own free will wants to fake marriage, is that okay?

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with this. After all, they will find a way to sleep together anyway, so why not just say "YES!"

Original question: “Should I let my 20 year old daughter sleep in the same bed with her boyfriend of 20 and 2 1/2 years? I do not allow it ".

I think you'd be foolish if you didn't allow it.

Let's face it, she's an adult, she's twenty. This couple has been together for two and a half years. They are going to have sex whether you like it or not.

If you don't let them do it safely in the comfort of a bed, ideally your own bed, then you're dooming them to sordid encounters in the backseat of cars, on golf courses, in woods, dark corners of the public. spaces and worse. Are

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Original question: “Should I let my 20 year old daughter sleep in the same bed with her boyfriend of 20 and 2 1/2 years? I do not allow it ".

I think you'd be foolish if you didn't allow it.

Let's face it, she's an adult, she's twenty. This couple has been together for two and a half years. They are going to have sex whether you like it or not.

If you don't let them do it safely in the comfort of a bed, ideally your own bed, then you're dooming them to sordid encounters in the backseat of cars, on golf courses, in woods, dark corners of the public. spaces and worse. These are risky situations for your daughter.

What's more, you are playing with her relationship with this boyfriend and with you. Forcing them to be helpless lovers like Romeo and Juliette will only unite them in adversity against a common enemy: you.

Additionally, you are damaging the trust between you and your daughter by forcing her to sneak behind your back and challenge you. All in pursuit of living a perfectly normal life as a young adult woman.

Much better, more pragmatic, and kinder to support your daughter in this relationship. From what you know, they can end up married. In which case, you should want to have strong family ties. Going on like this isn't creating the circumstances where she will ever come to you with a problem or, frankly, want to spend time with you.

I hate to be so blunt, but the person who needs to put on the big boy / girl pants in this situation and grow up is you. It is not easy to accept the reality that our children mature into adults, but they like it or they like it, they do it.

Loving, consensual sex in an appropriate setting improves life and is good. Don't make this sordid and clandestine. It shouldn't be like that for her.

Adapt, behave with them if you wanted them to treat you yourself and get on with your life.

I have two daughters. The oldest is 16 years old. She would sneak out at night and meet a boyfriend when she was 15. There's only one reason she was doing that. So I took her in right away and the contraceptive device was implanted in her arm. So she knew that I knew and we have discussed at length that sex is not love. I was a teenager at one time - I have done that. I could punish her, punish her, and do all kinds of things that would make her life and mine miserable, only for her to sneak up behind my back, saying she was spending the night at a friend's house, only that it was the boy.

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I have two daughters. The oldest is 16 years old. She would sneak out at night and meet a boyfriend when she was 15. There's only one reason she was doing that. So I took her in right away and the contraceptive device was implanted in her arm. So she knew that I knew and we have discussed at length that sex is not love. I was a teenager at one time - I have done that. I could punish her, punish her, and do all sorts of things that would make her life and mine miserable, only to have her hanging around behind my back, saying she'd be spending the night at a friend's house, only that it was the groom's house. instead of. So I thought if they were having sex anywhere other than my house, what difference did it make? They were raised with faith in God and they know what the Bible says about it. They know my feelings on the subject (sex is not love and you cannot use sex to turn it into love) which is the character of the person you fall in love with. There is nothing I can do to prevent my daughter or son from having adolescent sex. I can only educate you on what the state law is for consensual sex and the consequences for your behavior or your partner's behavior if someone violates the age restriction and gets caught. I can also educate them on how having multiple sexual partners can be detrimental to their health. So yeah, I let my daughter's boyfriend stay as long as he was respectful in my house by not showing sexual displays of affection in front of the rest of the family. And I have a daughter of 14 years (almost 15), and now she also takes contraceptives, Because children are clever and sometimes things happen that are beyond their control. For example, my daughter who is now 14 years old was at a friend's house when she was 12 years old. The family went to run an errand and left her sleeping. While they were away, the 14-year-old son raped my daughter. That is why at age 14 she is taking contraceptives. Get your daughter to take birth control first. Since birth control is free today, there is no reason why we should have all these teenage or unwanted pregnancies. Preaching only goes so far. I am very open with my children. I admit the mistakes I made as a teenager and as an adult and what I have learned from those mistakes. Whether they choose to learn from my mistakes or have to repeat the mistake to learn, it is out of my control. The family went on an errand and left her sleeping. While they were away, the 14-year-old son raped my daughter. That is why at age 14 she is taking contraceptives. Get your daughter to take birth control first. Since birth control is free today, there is no reason why we should have all these teenage or unwanted pregnancies. Preaching only goes so far. I am very open with my children. I admit the mistakes I made as a teenager and as an adult and what I have learned from those mistakes. Whether they choose to learn from my mistakes or have to repeat the mistake to learn, it is out of my control. The family went on an errand and left her sleeping. While they were away, the 14-year-old son raped my daughter. That is why at 14 she is taking contraceptives. Get your daughter to take birth control first. Since birth control is free today, there is no reason why we should have all these teenage or unwanted pregnancies. Preaching only goes so far. I am very open with my children. I admit the mistakes I made as a teenager and as an adult and what I have learned from those mistakes. Whether they choose to learn from my mistakes or have to repeat the mistake to learn, it is out of my control. there is no reason why we should have all these teenage or unwanted pregnancies. Preaching only goes so far. I am very open with my children. I admit the mistakes I made as a teenager and as an adult and what I have learned from those mistakes. Whether they choose to learn from my mistakes or have to repeat the mistake to learn, it is out of my control. there is no reason why we should have all these teenage or unwanted pregnancies. Preaching only goes so far. I am very open with my children. I admit the mistakes I made as a teenager and as an adult and what I have learned from those mistakes. Whether they choose to learn from my mistakes or have to repeat the mistake to learn, it is out of my control.

When I was 15, I started dating an 18-year-old girl. We became very close very quickly. Yes, we ended up having sex. No, we were not as careful or responsible as we should have been.

My dad, who seemed fine with the age difference at first, didn't like it when we started getting closer. He began to suspect that we were having sex. Your answer? To chase my boyfriend into the yard, yell at him, and threaten to call the police for statutory rape (although I'm pretty sure we were covered by our state's Romeo and Juliet law at the time). My answer? To live with my mom.

Now almost

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When I was 15, I started dating an 18-year-old girl. We became very close very quickly. Yes, we ended up having sex. No, we were not as careful or responsible as we should have been.

My dad, who seemed fine with the age difference at first, didn't like it when we started getting closer. He began to suspect that we were having sex. Your answer? To chase my boyfriend into the yard, yell at him, and threaten to call the police for statutory rape (although I'm pretty sure we were covered by our state's Romeo and Juliet law at the time). My answer? To live with my mom.

Now, almost 15 years later, the former 18-year-old and I are still together. Happily married, in fact (no kids, so no, it wasn't a "shotgun wedding"). My dad and I send each other cards once a year at Christmas.

Now, of course, there are other factors in my relationship with my dad. And of course, your daughter will most likely NOT end up marrying your 18-year-old daughter. But she could. And if it does, it might work, it might not. The question is not what will happen to his relationship with him, but what will happen to his relationship with you.

So what can you do different from my dad? Talk to your daughter. Talk to her like a real, living, intelligent human being who is fully capable of love, but still needs your wisdom and guidance. Share your concerns. Make sure she's informed about sex. Make sure you have access to birth control if you need it; Trust me, if she wants to have sex, she will, whether you “help” her or not, so you better be careful. Let her know that she can talk to you if she has any questions, if she is hurt, or if her boyfriend is not treating her well. just be there for her.

What you MUST NOT do is try to "make" her less close to the boy. That will only take her away from you and bring her closer to him. Also, as others have suggested, it will lead her to secrecy and, most likely, unprotected sex. And then if / when her heart breaks, she will have one less person to talk to about it, because trust me, she won't want to talk to you once you've vehemently disapproved of her choices.

I am a single parent with a 12 year old daughter and she has had several nights of sleep.

The best was a couple of months ago. We actually had sunshine in the UK. So we rented a hot tub and invited some of his friends over.

I thought a little sparkling wine would liven things up as we all got into the hot tub. It wasn't long before we were all ………………

Yeah right. That's what everyone thinks happens when a single dad arranges a night's sleep for his daughter.

I have known the parents of my daughters' friends since first grade. We have socialized on various occasions, birthdays, barbecues, summer vacations, etc.

My daughter has gone to sleep

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I am a single parent with a 12 year old daughter and she has had several nights of sleep.

The best was a couple of months ago. We actually had sunshine in the UK. So we rented a hot tub and invited some of his friends over.

I thought a little sparkling wine would liven things up as we all got into the hot tub. It wasn't long before we were all ………………

Yeah right. That's what everyone thinks happens when a single dad arranges a night's sleep for his daughter.

I have known the parents of my daughters' friends since first grade. We have socialized on various occasions, birthdays, barbecues, summer vacations, etc.

My daughter has gone to sleep and asked if she could have one for her 12th birthday.

I asked the other parents if they had any objections. To which they replied that I must be crazy and good luck.

The night of the party I made sure there were plenty of drinks and snacks in the kitchen and plenty of room to relax watching TV.

I went to my room and closed the door. At 8 p.m. the pizzas were delivered and the house fell silent at midnight.

My daughter woke me up around 8 in the morning and asked me what I was making for breakfast. All the girls had slept in the living room and were wearing different types of rompers (rompers for adults).

While making pancakes and waffles, the girls set up the room and got dressed. At 11 in the morning the parents began to arrive for their children. At 11.10 am it was just me and my daughter.

When my daughter went to school on Monday, all her friends were talking about overnight and when she was going to have another one.

Yes? Nothing wrong with that.

I will begin by describing my situation. I am 15 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for three years and it is a very serious relationship. My mom lets us keep the door closed all the time and she would call before entering because she knows that we are sexually active, which is quite normal considering that the legal age of consent here is 16, so it is not far and she knows that we are. in a safe, loving and lasting relationship. Obviously we take precautions too and she took me to find the pill so that we are safe and all that and we are even moving in together next.

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Yes? Nothing wrong with that.

I will begin by describing my situation. I am 15 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for three years and it is a very serious relationship. My mom lets us keep the door closed all the time and calls before entering because she knows that we are sexually active, which is quite normal considering that the legal age of consent here is 16, so it is not far and she knows that we are. in a safe, loving and lasting relationship. We obviously took precautions too and she took me looking for the pill so we're safe and all, and we'll even move in together next year when I turn 16 and get my apprenticeship (he's been working as a window fitter so I've just been waiting for me to finish school and start earning money so I can live comfortably)

I know people parent in different ways but different things work for everyone, my mom probably parents differently than you as she never questioned if we could be alone in my room but we are all very happy and safe and my family loves my boyfriend because he is kind and hardworking and at 17 he even owns three vehicles that he paid for himself.

It all depends on the trust you have in your child and the good communication you have with him. If you are concerned about sexual activity, keep in mind that at your age people start to do things like that, which is quite normal because they are hormonal teenagers. They have been together for a long time, so I guess you really like your son's partner and think that he is suitable to go out with him and that he is affectionate with him. If you are very against any sex between them, tell them for sure! But if your child ever asks for some kind of birth control, give it to him! It is much better that they are safe and protected from illness or pregnancy! Those are the only reasons I can imagine that you wouldn't want them to be alone. But anyway I think the most important thing is non-judgmental communication with your child because then there may be more room for trust. What you think is best for your child and works best for you as a family is always the correct answer!

Being an adult is not binary. We don't magically become one on our 18th birthday. Your daughter is still in high school, lives at home, and is completely financially dependent on you. She still has no practice in making decisions that have long-term consequences. For everyone on the forum who says that you don't have the "right" to set rules because she's an adult, I would ask if you have the right to say that she has to do her homework, that she has to go to school, that she has to come from family vacations, that you can't tell your mother, etc., etc. Authority and power to make rules and

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Being an adult is not binary. We don't magically become one on our 18th birthday. Your daughter is still in high school, lives at home, and is completely financially dependent on you. She still has no practice in making decisions that have long-term consequences. For everyone on the forum who says that you don't have the "right" to set rules because she's an adult, I would ask if you have the right to say that she has to do her homework, that she has to go to school, that she has to come from family vacations, that you can't tell your mother, etc. etc. Authority and the power to set rules and set expectations are not an all-or-nothing affair and have very little to do with the law and much more to do with relationships.

I am 33 years old, I support myself and I live alone, but when my family members tell me that "I have to" or "I cannot" do something that I still am, but something for myself. I know that I can technically do whatever I want, but not without damaging a relationship. This is not black mail or abuse of power. It is part of the complex web of obligations, authority and expectations that are part of belonging to communities and having relationships.

That said, simply falling down like a dictator on 18-year-olds is probably reckless and probably counterproductive. So think of the best ways to help your daughter develop her autonomy and the responsible decision-making that goes with it. But don't give up your authority and responsibility as a parent at a time when your children most need your support.

Instead, I recommend clearly setting out your expectations, which includes not allowing sleepovers in your house or his, but also starting an important and open conversation with her about how your authority to make decisions in this point will change quickly when she goes to college. and when you become a self-sufficient person.

In time, you will be much more independent than you are now. But she is currently still in high school and needs her dad (and mom) to help her see the forest for the trees on this matter and a thousand more.

Short answer, yes. It doesn't mean I like it. But let's put it this way. If you don't, they will likely slip away and do what they really want to do behind your back anyway. Have you heard of "forbidden is more fun"? Yes it's correct. Trusting your son can give you a reason to stop what you're about to do and think about reasons why you shouldn't… And if trusting your daughter doesn't stop you, it can at least give you the option to do what you set out to do. . do in the safest environment possible. You better jump on your boyfriend at your house w

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Short answer, yes. It doesn't mean I like it. But let's put it this way. If you don't, they will likely slip away and do what they really want to do behind your back anyway. Have you heard of "forbidden is more fun"? Yes it's correct. Trusting your son can give you a reason to stop what you're about to do and think about reasons why you shouldn't… And if trusting your daughter doesn't stop you, it can at least give you the option to do what you set out to do. . do in the safest environment possible. You better jump on your boyfriend at your house where he can have condoms, a shower, and no intrusion than to be somewhere in the woods with no protection from intruders who may be walking on them wanting to be a part of the action ... Situations where the child not having a safe choice can lead them to be in danger of being attacked by strangers while they are trying to get what they want in spite of you ... I am not saying that you should encourage your seventeen year old to be rush to have sex, but just let her know that if you really feel like she's ready to go down this road, you have your back ... My kids still have a few years ahead of me before I deal with the situation, but we always talk and I they say how they feel about the boys. I'm glad they trust me enough to do that. In return, I tell them why they should be careful ... I'm glad they trust me enough to do that. In return, I tell them why they should be careful ... I'm glad they trust me enough to do that.

Yesteryear. She is twenty one. She is a full adult now. She can move if she wants. And yet, people complain that children drift away from their parents when parents do things like this.

TL; DR - I am similar to the daughter in much of the situation. 'Except the groom wanted a sleepover.
Outcome? - They're going to get together anyway.

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I'm 21 years old. Like your son, I am not yet financially independent. Like you, my parents didn't necessarily approve of my boyfriend. He is also my first boyfriend.

Like you, my parents tried to raise me to be the best that I can be. I consider myself a decent person. They consider

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Yesteryear. She is twenty one. She is a full adult now. She can move if she wants. And yet, people complain that children drift away from their parents when parents do things like this.

TL; DR - I am similar to the daughter in much of the situation. 'Except the groom wanted a sleepover.
Outcome? - They're going to get together anyway.

=====

I'm 21 years old. Like your son, I am not yet financially independent. Like you, my parents didn't necessarily approve of my boyfriend. He is also my first boyfriend.

Like you, my parents tried to raise me to be the best that I can be. I consider myself a decent person. They consider me a decent person. I expect very little from anyone, except to keep the space of others. I'll stop and help if you need it. I will gladly give you directions or even take you to the place if you are still confused.

But come between me and something I'm passionate about? Well, good luck.

I got a "No" the only time I asked if my boyfriend could stay for a couple of nights since his tractor truck broke down a couple of hours away. Needless to say, he was not very happy. I was also angry at my dad's hypocrisy, so I decided to do it my way. You can't say anything if I consent to it.

Well, BF's truck ended up in maintenance for the rest of the week. You can bet we used those four days to hang out, with the slim chance that we could be physically together. Long distance relationships suck. We booked a hotel room the first night. The next day, Dad hung out with the two of us, took us places, and actually met the BF before taking him back to the truck stop. We sneaked into my room (technically, I hid it in my room), the last two nights it was here. No, we did not. Some hugs, some kisses, maybe they got a little playful, but not full sex. I don't know why people have that stereotype. We're not that interested in that, really.

Even if you say no, your son is probably still going to bed with his boyfriend. Like I said, it doesn't mean I'm going to have sex; it does not mean that you are going to get pregnant. What two consenting adults do in their bedroom is nobody's business. And at 21, your daughter can do whatever she wants. She is her own person now.

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