As a straight person, what is something you would like to ask the LGBTQ community or people you care too much about to offend?

Updated on : December 6, 2021 by Eloise Hudson



As a straight person, what is something you would like to ask the LGBTQ community or people you care too much about to offend?

Actually, there are a number of things, but I'll limit you to this one question for transsexuals: Why are the external characteristics of being a woman so important to you? Things like clothing, makeup, jewelry, perfumes, shaved legs and armpits, high heels, underwear and nightwear, mannerisms - these are all culturally ingrained affectations and change with the culturally approved fashions of the time. They have nothing to do with what a natural, unadorned human woman is. Is it possible that it is the cultural manifestations / supports of femininity that attracts you and not the reason?

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Actually, there are a number of things, but I'll limit you to this one question for transsexuals: Why are the external characteristics of being a woman so important to you? Things like clothing, makeup, jewelry, perfumes, shaved legs and armpits, high heels, underwear and nightwear, mannerisms - these are all culturally ingrained affectations and change with the culturally approved fashions of the time. They have nothing to do with what a natural, unadorned human woman is. Is it possible that it is the cultural manifestations / supports of femininity that attracts you and not the reality of what feminine humanity is?

All of us, men and women, have received gender assignments and are expected to adhere to the man-made rules that govern such behavior and self-presentation for so long that it is doubtful that any of us know what a true human man. or woman is really like in "all that". ...

Or what if the words "man" and "woman" have a cultural load, and when you think you are a "woman" or a "man" under the skin, what you are really thinking is that you strongly identify with the social package of a role you would like to play.

If a future transsexual truly identifies with the essence of what the opposite sex is to their own, they must be very comfortable in unisex clothes and hairstyles and not feel limited by them, as I and so many other native women do.

It's okay to enjoy interpreting Western society's fabrication of how a woman should look and act, but do you see that much of what you are willing to suffer and what you submit to is, strictly speaking, a fictional part that many? Real women play every day and would they give anything to have the courage to break free?

I find it inconceivable that anyone would want to alter their body to match their gender, especially given the openness of gender roles in the US.

It is true that there are many things that I do not know about the process. It just seems like a tremendous act of self-violence born out of an unhealthy case of body dysmorphia. If you want to go through a gender reassignment, how do you know that you are not mentally ill?

To be clear, I recognize that I am not in charge of this and people have to find their own way. It's just that when I've met people in transition, I can't help but feel like they're making a terrible mistake.

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I find it inconceivable that anyone would want to alter their body to match their gender, especially given the openness of gender roles in the US.

It is true that there are many things that I do not know about the process. It just seems like a tremendous act of self-violence born out of an unhealthy case of body dysmorphia. If you want to go through a gender reassignment, how do you know that you are not mentally ill?

To be clear, I recognize that I am not in charge of this and people have to find their own way. It's just that when I've met people in transition, I can't help but feel like they're making a terrible mistake. And obviously it is not my place to point that out.

As a straight person, what is something you would like to ask the LGBTQ community or people you care too much about to offend?

Simply this:

I will make an effort to call you by the name you want to be called, refer to you as you wish to be referred to, use the pronouns you wish to be used in reference to you and see you as a human being, and nothing else; in return, could you please be patient with me if I use the wrong name, wrong reference, or wrong pronoun?

Okay in 2018 I would say that people in the UK are quite free to choose their lifestyle, as a woman I feel like I could cut my hair, wear menswear and do fun things if I wanted to. He could go to gay clubs and date women. I DO NOT understand why transgender people feel the need to have major surgery. What has being turned into a man through surgery about simply presenting / living as one? I totally don't get it. I'm also curious when men have surgery and end up looking pretty weird very often. Not like a woman, but ... like a man who has had surgery. Aren't guys who used to be nice look funny?

If you are sincere and want to ask a question in a non-offensive way, say so. For example, I don't want to offend you in any way, but would you mind answering a question for me?

Hopefully your question is not about sex or sexual activities. You can get answers for that anywhere on the internet and that kind of question would seem inappropriate unless you know the person well.

Be honest and respectful as you would anyone else.

Very funny, since I am not afraid to ask questions of my friends. Usually I prefer the question with something like ...

I'm sorry but I really don't know the answer in the hope that you educate me.

LGBTQ people are pretty good about a learning experience if it is expressed correctly. Of course, it should be followed by an expression of thanks and appreciation.

Thank you Kari for this A2A !!!

Would I learn if (hypothetically speaking) I, born male, changed the code to pretend to present myself as a trans woman to all my family, friends, and co-workers? I'm talking about capturing the essence of the transition from Bruce Jenner to Caitlyn.

I suspect I'm not using all the more modern words there, as a cisgender man introducing himself as… Anyway, I hope my writing doesn't stumble into the question. Please let me know if I can improve the clarity of my question.

Any question could arise. He would direct her to a real person in face-to-face conversation; I don't see the point of compensating for the initial interaction, asking generic questions in a different setting / situation. As for the boundaries (what feels good, polite, offensive, borderline offensive, etc.), again I guess it depends on the person.

I have been fortunate to have gay friends who were confident enough to discuss all, not lascivious, aspects of relationships from that point of view. I found the same patterns in the gay world as in the heterosexual world, through our discussions. I answered some questions from them that clarified things for each of them wondering about heterosexual relationships.

Well, this is a bit difficult to answer or give an answer and a question at the same time, so, yes, I would only ask in general.

What made you who you are today?

Is there really a community as such? Or something called gay culture?

Is gaydar a myth or is there some truth to it?

What's your take on the popularity of bar shipping?

Oh boy, where do I start?

Ok for the record, most of the things I'm going to say are about being gay, since that's the only part of the LGBT + spectrum that I'm on, and that's really the only thing I can speak on behalf of. . So without further ado, let's continue.

  1. Being gay / bi / pan / etc. it is a sexual orientation. It is defined exclusively by who you are attracted to, and absolutely nothing else. You are not gay if you do things that are not typical for people of your gender identity. You are not gay if you approach other people of the same sex. Hell, you're technically not gay if you've
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Oh boy, where do I start?

Ok for the record, most of the things I'm going to say are about being gay, since that's the only part of the LGBT + spectrum that I'm on, and that's really the only thing I can speak on behalf of. . So without further ado, let's continue.

  1. Being gay / bi / pan / etc. it is a sexual orientation. It is defined exclusively by who you are attracted to, and absolutely nothing else. You are not gay if you do things that are not typical for people of your gender identity. You are not gay if you approach other people of the same sex. Heck, you're technically not gay if you've even had sex with someone of the same sex. None of those things make you gay. You are only gay if you are actively attracted to other people of the same sex. The same applies to bi, pan, and other sexualities, as they are all determined by who you are attracted to. Almost everything associated with it has no relationship. You can be a man who likes feminine things, or a woman who likes masculine things, and still be straight, no matter what society tells you. I see questions everywhere on all social media sites like "Am I gay if ______?", "Is ______ somewhat gay?" or “I did ______. Does that make me gay? "99.9% of the time, if something like" I am attracted to people of the same sex "is not what is in that blank, then no, it most likely is not.
  2. As an appendix to the last one, gay people will not act the way you expect. Not all gay people are the flamboyant effeminate men or macho woman you see on television. In fact, most gay people are probably what we call "straight", you probably don't realize it, because they don't make big claims about their sexuality most of the time. They may have some traits that adhere to stereotypes, and there's nothing wrong with that, but that doesn't mean we all have those traits, and we certainly shouldn't be expected to have them. Also, if you think you have "gaydar", chances are you don't, what you actually more than likely have is an eye for outdated stereotypes, mixed with confirmation bias.
  3. This is primarily aimed at heterosexual women. Don't call your gay friend your "gay best friend" or "GBF", especially if you have met him recently. Some of us are okay with the term, but most of us don't like it. Sure, we are your friend who happens to be gay, but one, our being gay does not constitute the whole of our being, the interjection of "gay" in "best gay friend" is usually completely unnecessary. Two, they may not have talked to everyone yet, or even if they are, they may not want everyone in earshot to know their sexual orientation every time you feel the urge to proclaim how gay your best friend is. And three, they shouldn't be friends just because one person in the relationship is gay, They should be friends because they like each other's company and personality. If the question arises "Would you still be friends with this person if you weren't gay?" And your answer is "no," this is a very superficial relationship that is probably not as beneficial to the "best gays." friend ”as it is to you (note that I don't mean how you met the person. For example, if you met this person in a gay bar, in an LGBT + support group or in Pride or whatever. I'm talking purely in terms of compatibility. If you met and became friends as a result of that person being gay, don't worry, that's absolutely not what I'm trying to illustrate here. What I'm trying to establish is "still? Would you want to be friends with this person if they weren't gay? ”). As a side note, for the love of God, don't go looking for someone who is your "best gay friend", there are few things more insanely annoying than someone posting online “Will someone be my best gay friend ???? ?? ”. What you want is not for a gay person to be your friend, what you really want is a really eye-catching bag that can tell you what fashion trends are in season and give you really terrible advice on hedonistic relationships, like any misspelled gay person in all shoddy movies from history, and unfortunately, there is still no Kickstarter project for such an invention. People, regardless of their sexual orientation, tend to be much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this and it's not pretty. what you really want is a really eye-catching bag that can tell you what fashion trends are in season and give you really terrible advice on hedonistic relationships, like all the misspelled gays in all the trashy movies ever, and unfortunately, there is no a Kickstarter project for such an invention yet. People, regardless of their sexual orientation, tend to be much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. what you really want is a really eye-catching bag that can tell you what fashion trends are in season and give you really terrible advice on hedonistic relationships, like all poorly written homosexuals in all shoddy movies in history, and unfortunately, there isn't a Kickstarter project for such an invention yet. People, regardless of their sexual orientation, tend to be much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. People, regardless of their sexual orientation, tend to be much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. People, regardless of their sexual orientation, tend to be much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. it is a superficial assumption of homosexuals. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. it is a superficial assumption of homosexuals. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty. they are usually much more complex than that. It's not cute, it's a superficial gay assumption. For. We have a name for people like this, and it's not pretty.
  4. Ok everyone, say it with me now. Be gay. It is. No. A choice. If you want to argue that acting on our attractions is a choice, that's fine, that's technically correct, but the attraction itself is not an option at all, and as we mentioned before, sexual orientation is designated _exclusively_ by who you are. attracted to, and almost nothing else. There is nothing in being gay that is beneficial to "choose" it, and anyone who thinks that it is, is unaware of the consequences that being gay still has in our society. Things are looking up, a lot can be said, but that doesn't change the fact that people are still disowned by their families and rejected by their peers for being LGBT +. There is a reason why the suicide rate among LGBT + people is so high. Given a choice in the matter, I would choose to be straight without a second thought, because being gay has brought me little more than a lot of unnecessary hardship and suffering, as is often the case with most LGBT + people. It's often not easy to live like this, and I'm so sick of people thinking that we chose that to be the case. We did not do it. I never asked to be attracted to men. I never wanted to spend countless nights tossing and turning, hating myself for it, because I tried so hard and desperately to change my sexuality to no avail, I never wanted my dad to talk about kicking me out of the house for it. I never wanted any of that. But it's a big part of who I am; that's not going to change anytime soon, and I no longer have the energy to hate myself for it. Also, people who think that we shouldn't "act" on it, I feel like you don't really understand the seriousness of what you are asking of homosexuals. Assuming you are suggesting that they completely refrain from interacting with people of the same gender in a romantic or sexual way, you are setting them up for a life of utter misery, because the only alternative for gay people is to spend the rest of their lives completely alone. , or marry someone they are not capable of being attracted to. Sorry, but I refuse to live a life completely alone, or with a spouse who when they ask "Do you love me?" He would have to lie to them each and every time. That notion is completely ridiculous, impractical, and most importantly, inconsiderate. Assuming you are suggesting that they completely refrain from interacting with people of the same gender in a romantic or sexual way, you are setting them up for a life of utter misery, because the only alternative for gay people is to spend the rest of their lives completely alone. , or marry someone they are not capable of being attracted to. Sorry, but I refuse to live a life completely alone, or with a spouse who when they ask "Do you love me?" He would have to lie to them each and every time. That notion is completely ridiculous, impractical, and most importantly, inconsiderate. Assuming you are suggesting that they completely refrain from interacting with people of the same gender in a romantic or sexual way, you are setting them up for a life of utter misery, because the only alternative for homosexual people is to spend the rest of their lives completely alone, or to marry someone they are not capable of being attracted to. Sorry, but I refuse to live a life completely alone, or with a spouse who when they ask "Do you love me?" He would have to lie to them each and every time. That notion is completely ridiculous, impractical, and most importantly, inconsiderate. Sorry, but I refuse to live a life completely alone, or with a spouse who when they ask "Do you love me?" He would have to lie to them each and every time. That notion is completely ridiculous, impractical, and most importantly, inconsiderate. Sorry, but I refuse to live a life completely alone, or with a spouse who when they ask "Do you love me?" He would have to lie to them each and every time. That notion is completely ridiculous, impractical, and most importantly, inconsiderate.
  5. "OMG men and women are so tough, I wish I was gayyyyyyy" is perhaps one of the most disgusting things you can say to a gay person. As CollegeHumor said, no, no, you don't wish you were gay, you just wish dating was easier. I realize it's often said in a context that shouldn't be taken too seriously, but in my opinion that's part of the problem, how can you so casually dismiss the things that LGBT + go through because "men and women women are so confusing. " I would not wish the things that being gay has brought me to even my worst enemy, and I was one of the lucky ones where my experience is not as bad as many others. Also, 9 times out of 10, the problem you are experiencing is not gender specific, the problem is that humans in general are complicated and you don't know how to deal with it in a romantic context. Nothing about being gay will make things easier for you; things will be just as complicated on our part, if not more so. The only thing that could be easier is that gay men undoubtedly have a very active hookup culture, so having a one-night stand is often not very difficult. However, dating is actually immensely more difficult, since there is simply a much smaller group of people at the moment, and you won't even be able to ask people out publicly without risking your safety, or making someone who is potentially heterosexual is really uncomfortable. unless you're in a gay bar which is usually an environment known to people looking for encounters and not a real relationship. And as mentioned above, gaydar isn't really a thing, at least not to the extent that many think it is, so it makes for a great guessing game as to who you could invite and who you couldn't. Being gay isn't any easier when it comes to dating, I honestly don't know where people get that idea from.

That's all I can think of right now, although I'm sure there is more that other people would like to illustrate.

Why shouldn't I? Shouldn't I be worrying about people just because I'm not one of them?

If what you really want to ask is 'how does this benefit me'? Then there are various personal incentives to do it. First of all, a robust and open LGBTQ + community is very good at determining what people's sexual interests really are, eliminating the mainstream dating for straight guys like me. I don't have to compete for female attention with gay men, who are often better at getting it, and I don't have to scrutinize girls who are lesbians but don't want to admit it in public.

Second, at least some former people

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Why shouldn't I? Shouldn't I be worrying about people just because I'm not one of them?

If what you really want to ask is 'how does this benefit me'? Then there are various personal incentives to do it. First of all, a robust and open LGBTQ + community is very good at determining what people's sexual interests really are, eliminating the mainstream dating for straight guys like me. I don't have to compete for female attention with gay men, who are often better at getting it, and I don't have to scrutinize girls who are lesbians but don't want to admit it in public.

Second, at least some people experiment with heterosexuality or homosexuality and decide that it is not for them. It is much better for them to decide that before entering a relationship than after. And if they need help making a decision, I'm often happy to help.

Third, making friends with other people is good. Not everyone will like me (strange, but true!). The more of those people I establish with friends of mine, the less I am competing with them for people who like me. Seriously, if you're surrounded by friends who are more attractive than you, it's worth getting them as monogamous partners. This becomes much more difficult if people are LGBTQ + and they don't feel like they can tell them.

Fourth, it makes you look like you're not a selfish jerk. Not being a jerk isn't a foolproof seduction technique, but it can really help.

Again, the reason I support LGBTQ + communities is because they are human beings and they should be happy. It costs me next to nothing more than an occasional slight annoyance, and it's the right thing to do. But from a selfish point of view, I'm very interested in doing it.

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